#only thing that sucks is knowing it’s temporary and that I won’t really remember tomorrow

[sunlightfeeling]

rocking in a chair in almost 50 degree Fahrenheit weather post-rain whilst sobering up is actual perfection

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Swiss Ghoul (Ghost) 18+

I realized a while ago that I always shoulder shimmy whenever I hear a song with a particularly good beat (usually Hispanic music lol), so it was about time I wrote something about Multi.

Warning: The reader has night terrors. I don’t have night terrors myself, so I apologize if I portray it incorrectly! +SMUT.

Edit: I’m adding smut at the end of this...don’t know why. This would be the first time writing something so explicit. So, 18+ 18+ 18+!!!

~~~~~~~~~~

Every night, you’d get these horrible night terrors.

It started when you were a young, after your parents died. You’d always cry or scream in your sleep. You went to the church’s Priestess for help, but she told you that there was nothing she could do. You prayed to your lord every night, hoping that he could take away your suffering. He never answered.

Eventually, almost a week of screaming every night, it was decided to move your room to the most secluded part of the abbey. You didn’t blame them. You were sure you’d get tired of listening to your screams every night too.

You knew everyone felt sorry for you, but you didn’t need their pity. You just wanted one good nights sleep...was that too much to ask?

In your room, no human could hear your screams. No human. But unfortunately, the Ghouls could. Curse their super hearing...

The Ghouls didn’t have to tell you that they could hear you, you could tell by the way they looked at you with pitiful stares every time you’d pass them in the halls in the mornings. You felt so embarrassed... 

The worst part for you was everyone in the abbey treating you like you were made of glass. You had lived with night terrors for so long now that you knew how to make sure that you didn’t get hurt. You did not need their help with that.

After one practically awful incident, you grew more and more careful of how you slept. It was when you were living in foster care, about a year after your parents died. You had already dealt with the night terrors, but that night, you got hurt. You don’t usually remember what happens when you have these episodes, but your foster parents told you that you flailing around so hard that you fell off your bed, hitting your head on the bedside table in the process.

You had to deal with the risk of getting concussions after that, and ever since you’d make sure to wherever you slept was basically safe enough for a child.

After becoming a Sister of Sin, the night terrors mellowed out for a while, but it didn’t last.

You sighed, pushing your fork around, some scrambled eggs and a sausage being the only thing left on your plate. You looked around the mess hall, it was pretty empty. You were usually one of the first ones to arrive for breakfast since you rarely got your full eight hours.

Even if the night terrors were detrimental to your sleep, you were still thankful you didn’t remember them. But ever since you got hurt, you’ll admit, you’ve been afraid of sleeping. Nowadays, you get about four or five hours every night at the most.

You suddenly think back to a psychology class where your teacher said that lack of sleep can cause early deaths and heart attacks...oh well.

“Good morning, Y/N!” Swiss’ voice called out, making you drop your silverware in shock.

“Morning.” You sighed and yawned.

“Sleep well?” He asked, making you glare at him. He grinned nervously, knowing full well of your predicament. “Bad joke? Sorry...”

Being annoyed, you still chuckle. “It’s alright.”

“Gonna eat that?” He asked, pointing at your neglected eggs and sausage.

You smiled weakly, and pushed the plate over to Swiss. “Knock yourself out.”

Swiss licked his lips in anticipation, a puddle of drool already pooling on the table. He grabbed your previously held fork and stabbed it into the greasy piece of meat. He lifted up the impaled sausage and brought it to his mouth, only to bite the bitter metal of the fork.

Swiss whined and looked around for the culprit of his stolen breakfast, only to see Dewdrop already scoffing it down. “Hey! That was mine!” Swiss fussed.

Dewdrop grinned and sucked off the leftover grease that coated his fingers. “You don’t eat sausage with a fuckin’ fork. You were basically asking for it to be stolen.”

“Civilized Ghouls use their manners!” Swiss growled.

“Swiss, when has Dewy ever been civilized?” You chuckled, making Dewdrop narrow his eyes at you.

“I told you not to call me that, brat.” He growled.

“Ha! You’re calling me a brat?!” You laughed loudly.

“You wanna meet your maker early?!” Dewdrop shouted.

“Ugh, children. Stop fighting!” Aether said suddenly, sitting down beside you, opposite of Swiss, making you feel quite protected from Dew’s empty threats.

“She started it!” Dewdrop pointed a sharp claw at you.

“If you wanna get technical, it actually Swiss that started it.”

“What?!” Swiss squeaked.

Dewdrop suddenly grinned evilly. “You know what, you’re absolutely right.” He said, Swiss immediately begging for his life before Dewdrop tackled him to the floor.

You and the rest of the Ghouls watched in amusement as Dewdrop and Swiss wrestled each other on the floor, Aether enjoyed his breakfast while watching the show.

“Hey! Hey!” 

You all looked to see Sister Imperator storming towards the group, a spray bottle in hand. She quickly sprayed a still fighting Dew and Swiss with water, forcing them to break apart.

“You Ghouls are supposed to be at practice soon! Copia is gonna waiting!”

The Ghouls suddenly remember that they had to go on tour soon, frowning when they had to leave you alone. But shooed them off anyway, you didn’t want to be the cause of their possible punishments for blowing off work.

“We’ll hang out later, okay?” Swiss smiled at you, showing his pearly white teeth, water still dripping off his silver mask.

You nodded and smiled, but frowned as soon as his back turned and headed off to the studio where they usually practiced. “Y/N,” Sister Imperator said, “can I talk to you?”

You held your breath for a moment, nervous about the grim look on her face, but you answered anyway. “Yes, of course, Sister.”

Sister took a seat where Aether previously sat, and put a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Your terrors haven’t stopped.” She stated.

You furrowed your eyebrows. “H-how...?”

“The Ghouls.” She answered. “They haven’t been getting much sleep lately. The band is suffering because of this. They just can’t focus on their music due to lack of sleep.”

You looked down embarrassed. “Sister...I’m-”

“I know it’s not your fault, dear. But...” She sighed. “It needs to stop or else they won’t be tour ready.”

Your heart almost stopped. “...are you kicking me out?” You almost cried.

“No, no, no!” She said. “Not permanently.” You nodded tearfully. “It would only be until they go on tour, dear. I promise. It’s just...they need their sleep to get the most out their practice time.”

“I understand.” You said, your voice barely passing a whisper.

“You won’t be homeless. We’ve already set up a living arrangement with a member of the church that’ll be happy to house you for awhile. Okay?”

“When do I leave?”

“Anytime tomorrow.”

You bit your lip to keep it from trembling. “Okay...I’ll go pack now if that’s okay with you Sister.” You said and got up without waiting for an answer.

You dug your nails into the soft material of your habit, willing yourself not to break down on your way to your room.

The waterworks started flowing at soon as you closed your door, throwing yourself onto the familiar comforting feeling of your bed, remembering that you wouldn’t have this bed until you got back.

It made you cry for hours, until you fell asleep...

You suddenly gasped awake, quickly trying to escape the claustrophobic feeling you felt around you. “Hey, hey, hey...shh...” You heard.

You looked up, and quickly realized who the voice belonged to. “Swiss...” You smiled, but Swiss didn’t smile. He looked worried. “What?”

You tried to sit, finding it difficult when you suddenly felt a sharp pain in the palms of your hands and forearms. You hissed in pain and looked at your arms. They were covered in scratches, and your palms had deep crescent shaped indents in them, all bleeding.

“Y/N...” Swiss frowned. “We got to take you to the infirmary.”

“No, no.” You groaned. “It’s okay. I have a first aid kit in my closet. Bottom shelf, I think.”

Swiss immediately rummaged through your closet and pulled out the kit, bringing it over to you as you sat up. “Does this happen often?” He asked while take out some antibiotic ointment.

You sighed. “Not really. I usually don’t hurt myself...it hasn’t happened in a long time.”

“I didn’t know it could get this bad...” Swiss gently took your arm, uncapping the tube. “I’m sorry.”

You smiled. “It’s not your fault. If anything, I’m the one who’s sorry.”

Swiss briefly gave you a confused look, continuing to treat your self inflicted wounds. “What do you mean?”

“Sister...she told me I’ve been keeping you all awake because of...my screaming. You Ghouls have always had better hearing than humans.” You laughed nervously.

Swiss’ eyes darkened. “She told you that?”

You nodded. “Practice hasn’t been going very well for you guys.”

Swiss sighed and shook his head, starting to wrap your hands with gauze. “I...yeah, it’s true. But it’s not your fault!”

“You’ve lost sleep because of me! How is that not my fault?”

“You can’t control what you do in your sleep, Y/N.”

“I have to leave tomorrow.” Your statement made Swiss halt his actions. “I have to stay at a Clergy member’s house until the band goes back on tour.”

“Fuck that.” Swiss suddenly said, making you blink in shock. “I’m not letting you leave.”

You chuckled bitterly. “It’s not like you have a choice.”

“I don’t care. You don’t deserve to be kicked out, even if it’s temporary. because of something you can’t control. I will go on strike, hell, all of us will.”

“Swiss...” You tried to scold, the determination in his voice making it hard for you to crush his hopes.

“Nope. Shut up.”

“Swiss.” You laughed.

“I’ll talk to Sister Imperator. I’ll convince her to let you stay.” Swiss said, looking you in the eyes. “Okay?”

You sighed in defeat. “...okay.”

Swiss finally finished treating your wounds, and put the first aid kit back in the closet. “Move over.” He ordered when he got back over to your bed.

You were confused but listened anyway. “What time is it?” You asked.

“Hmm, about ten.” He said and sat beside you.

You frowned. “You should probably leave then.”

“No, I’m staying with you.” Swiss said, making you blush. “If you want that it. Maybe it’ll sleep better?”

“Swiss, I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Swiss giggled. “I don’t know if you remember, but I’m a Ghoul babe. You’d have to be really freaking strong to even leave a scratch on me.”

You giggled. “Okay then. Fine.” You said and snuggled up against Swiss, finding his muscular body quite comfortable.

“I’ll make sure you don’t hurt yourself again.” You heard him whisper before his warmth lulled you into a deep sleep.

The next morning, you woke up still in Swiss’ arms. You found it surprising that you hadn’t scared him away. You looked up to see a sleeping Swiss. His mask was slightly crooked, showing a tiny bit of skin underneath. You smiled when you heard his soft snores. You always found him adorable.

But you frowned, remembering that you had to leave the abbey today...you had to leave Swiss.

You reached up and gently poked his jaw, him groaning in reply. “Hmm?”

“It’s morning.” You said softly, looking back towards your window that had sunrays shining through.

“Oh, really?” Swiss yawned, finally opening his eyes to look at you. “Guess what?”

“What?” You smiled.

“You didn’t scream in your sleep.” He smiled.

“Really?” You almost shouted, making Swiss wince slightly.

“Mhm, you didn’t even more around that much. You mumbled a little, but other than that, you pretty much slept like a baby.”

“Huh...that’s odd. I mean, it’s great but still, kinda odd. That doesn’t usually happen. I guess that means the others Ghouls finally got some sleep too.” You laughed.

“Oh, don’t worry about them. You should be focusing on yourself.” Swiss snuggled into your neck, the cold metal raising goosebumps all over your body.

“I have to leave today...” You frowned. Swiss stayed silent, not loosing his grip on you. “Swiss...”

“I told you I’d take care of it.” Swiss said, slightly muffled. You sighed and decided to sit up, making Swiss groan. “No, come back.”

“I have start packing.” You started to get up but Swiss grabbed your wrist, pulling you back down and looking at you with an intense glare.

“I told you, I’d take care of it.” Swiss said and stood up. “Stay here. Don’t fucking leave.” He ordered.

You rolled your eyes and fake saluted him. “Yes, sir.”

As soon as Swiss left your room, you started packing your suitcase. It’s not like you didn’t trust Swiss’ abilities to talk his way out of any problem, but talking to Sister Imperator was a whole other thing. She wasn’t one to take anyone’s shit, so that was worrying.

You didn’t exactly know how Swiss was going to try to convince Sister, but you hoped he could anyway.

Meanwhile, Swiss gathered up his fellow Ghouls and explained the situation. Dewdrop made the mistake of joking around that he wouldn’t mind if you left, making Aether slap the back of the head.

But they all agreed to help out, quickly going to Sister Imperator and successfully convincing her to let you stay.

You however decided to change out of your habit, not really thinking you’d have the need to wear it in your new temporary home. It felt like you were being put in foster care all over again...

You swiftly removed your habit, neatly folding it and placing it on your dresser. You picked some comfortable clothes and briefly wondered if you should take a shower. But before you decided, Swiss barged in through the door without knocking.

You squeaked and quickly got underneath your bed covers, hiding your half naked form. But it was too late, Swiss was already wearing a smirk. “Oh, learn to knock, will ya!” You blushed furiously.

“Sorry.” He laughed. Yeah, he obviously wasn’t sorry.

As if he wanted to make you more embarrassed, he sauntered over and sat in front of you. “Swiss...” You whined and sighed.

Swiss smiled, looking over to your open suitcase and frowned. “You were packing?”

“...uh, yeah.”

“I talked to Sister Imperator. She said you could stay.” He said, still frowning.

But you grinned. “Oh my...wow, really?! That’s...Swiss, I don’t know how you did it, but thank you! I’d totally hug you right now, but well, you know.” You giggled nervously.

“Y/N...” Swiss said lowly. “Didn’t I say that I’d take care of it?”

“Uh, um...” You stuttered, suddenly nervous by Swiss’ gaze.

“Use your words, babe.”

“Uh, yeah. You did say that.” You sighed.

Swiss moved closer to you and placed a gentle hand on your knee. “So, why is it that you’re packed, huh? Did you not have faith in me?” He pouted.

“N-no...I didn’t have faith that Sister would be convinced.” You chuckled.

“Hmm, I suppose I can understand that.” Swiss said, moving even closer to you and placing his hand on your cheek. “Guess you’re stuck with me now, huh?” He smiled.

You suddenly became aware of how close he was to you when you felt his warm breath on your face. He would not stop looking into your eyes. You glanced down at his lips, feeling the urge to taste them.

Swiss smiled and leaned in, the cold metal of his mask hitting your face first then his soft lips.

You almost moaned at the pleasant feeling. You always had a soft spot for the charismatic Ghouls, now, you were finally his.

Slowly but surely, you started to feel the fabric of your duvet slid off your body. “Is this okay?” Swiss whispered.

You nodded rapidly, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders.

As soon as you gave consent, Swiss ripped off your coverings. Moving closer to you, he rubbed his large hands up and down your thighs. You could already feel yourself become slick with excitement.

Swiss brought a hand up to your underwear, delicately moving the article of clothing out of the way. You gasped when his cold fingers started moving in between your folds. “You’re so wet for me already, babe?” He grinned beautifully.

Swiss then inserted a finger into you, pumping in and out at a rate that made your head spin. You panted and tangled your fingers into his hair, placing the other hand on his bicep to try and steady yourself.

You moaned in pleasure when Swiss added another finger, then rubbing tight circles on your aching clit with his thumb. “Fuck, Swiss...”

Feeling a little guilty that you were getting all the pleasure, you brought your hand down from his head to palm his hardening length through his pants. “Eager, are we, Y/N?” Swiss groaned, throwing his head back slightly and chuckled.

With Swiss’ consistent pressure on your clit, you felt yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. Quick shocks of intense pleasure making your body jolt occasionally. “Swiss...I’m gonna-”

Swiss quickly pulled his hand away, making you whine and almost let out a sob at the loss of contact. He grinned and brought his hand up, licking and sucking you off his fingers. “Can’t have you cumming just yet, babe.”

Swiss stood up from the bed to remove his clothes, taking off his briefs released his throbbing cock, a bead of precum already leaking out of the tip. He then hovered above you, placing himself in between your legs. “Again, you sure about this, babe?” He asked softly.

You almost groaned in frustration. “Yes, Swiss, I’m sure. Now please just fuck me!” You begged.

Swiss quickly obliged, thrusting up into you with a snap of his hips, not worrying about getting you to adjust to his size since you were already so prepared. You moaned loudly, finally feeling him stretching you out. “You feel so good.” Swiss moaned.

Swiss kept up a steady pace, his length hitting all the right places.

From already being so close to your release from his fingers before, you could feel the knot building up inside you once again. “Swiss, I’m so close.” You stuttered.

Swiss nodded and picked up the pace, close to his release as well. He thrusted into you fast and hard, making your tits bounce and your head close to hitting up against the wall. His mouth pouring out delicious moans every time he felt you clench around him.

You soon felt that familiar sensation flow throughout your entire body. The knot in you finally snapping, causing waves of ecstasy to burn through you like lava. You moaned loudly, eyes tearing up and your vision becoming hazy as you rode out your orgasm.

Swiss’ thrusts became sloppy, chasing and finally catching up to you in reaching his own climax. The shots of his warmth filling you up, making you moan in unison with him.

Swiss pulled out of you with a huff, throwing himself beside you and soon wrapping an arm around your shoulder. “Wow...that was-”

“Fuckin’ amazing.” You giggled.

~~~~~~~~~~

I came up with a really dumb, cheesy title for a Multi Ghoul story. “Shimmying his way into my heart.” But I have no idea what to write to fit that title😂

Also, that was my first time writing smut so I’m sorry if it sucked. The cringeeeeeee 🙈

[mirrorforevers]

heavenly nobodies (or “the fog”) • graham/reader

this is a bit heavier than usual, ladies. proceed w caution. tw for mentions of abusive relationships, drug abuse and reader has no self-esteem at all. nothing too descriptive in that sense though

on a lighter note, reader n graham are basically two lost adults acting like petty children

a quick disclaimer: its not my intention in *any way* to glorify or romanticize drug abuse or basically anything any of these characters do - its messed up shit. this is fiction, don't take it seriously, please

if this fic was a song, even though its titled after a lush song, it would be lark by angel olsen i guess. might have a sequel someday i dunno

+18, as always. contains smut. this is sososososo long and has went through so many rewrites im sorry. but i do think its my best fic yet!

set in the mid 90s

word count: 3.780

You still remember the day it began.

A nasty fight took place between Graham and Alex. You only got involved because your relationship became one of the topics of the heated debate. Long story short, Graham basically screamed at you two that you, Y/N, were wasting your life away by dating someone like James.

At first you were blind with rage and defended your decadent relationship while insulting Coxon until your throat burned from the screaming match, but afterwards, after you caught yourself thinking a little too long about how James' eyes sometimes seemed to hover over you with an indifference Coxon's never, ever showed, and how it hurt to see Alex in the arms of an entire sea of more attractive women than you - and how shallow you've become for even trying to excuse his behavior with something as empty as the fact you weren't as stereotypically beautiful as the other girls he screwed, you noticed something wasn't quite right about the entire situation, but you still felt shivers at the prospect of telling him you were sorry. He also had a lot to apologize for.

The fog. That's what's been messing with your mind lately. And Graham's. And everyone else's.

It's hard to think about things clearly as they happen in your life when all you feel during most of it is hedonistic, empty bliss. Everything moves in slow motion. The regret, the harsh words, always come afterwards, like a sudden car crash, after people realize the very real consequences of what they said and done while they were immersed in their own very temporary, elusive, pleasures. The fog also made you bitter - not only you, but Graham, Alex and the other boys as well; your relationship with them as a group of friends and individually, each in a different way, consequently turned into a toxic, resentful mess of chaotic feelings and unresolved conflicts. Your relationship with Graham was by far the most affected.

You grew up together. You went to the same college. You very briefly had a thing. He drew you lots and lots of times, you haven't lost a drawing. You realized you didn't love him like *that* and he was okay with it. You were still as close as ever.

Then you met his other friends. In the beginning, he was so excited about this whole "band" thing. The boys were funny, compelling, undoubtedly hard to deal with sometimes, but you got them quickly. Their music very gradually became successful - they deserved it. They sounded so good together. You noticed Graham was a bit jealous of how you interacted with the other boys sometimes. Damon and Dave were the first ones who tried (hard) to bed you, but Alex, effortlessly, was the one who got to.

One night turned into two, three, fifteen. Then into a fucked up prototype of a relationship around the time their stages got bigger, more packed with screaming teenagers and all of you met her – heroin. Graham got proportionally and gradually more distressed and anxious each day. You didn't know which one of these things disturbed him the most, after all, he didn't speak to you (or anyone, for fuck's sake) like he used to. Thousands of little things began to intercalate and swallow everything you've built together.

You've started to hate him - he refused to speak to you about what was bothering him, and you barely talked outside of the inevitable circumstances. Meanwhile, Alex dragged you even deeper into his questionable lifestyle and you shrinked into it until you could pretend it fit you like a glove. You felt so small. Invisible to everything and everyone who truly mattered, even to yourself. You tried to reach out to the one who mattered most plenty of times, but every time you tried to reach out to him it would end up in screams and even more resentment. It seemed like there was no way back - he hated you as well because he thought you were just like Alex. It felt like a knife was twisted in your stomach when he said it the first time. You pretended it didn't hurt the other ones - those were the nights your binges were the worst and you'd vomit yourself to sleep, though.

Everything was leading you to one of those nights again, until you heard a knock on your door. At this time of night, it was definitely Alex.

You tried to tidy yourself up as much as you could in a matter of a few minutes. You thought you weren't as effortlessly beautiful as the other women in his life - as if cheating had something to do with appearance and not with his character, but oh well - and you felt like you had to at least try to keep up with their pace. You washed your face, smeared some foundation on some old stretch (and track) marks and tried to pretend his presence was the brightest spot on your day. He disguised so much criticism under the pretense of worry, leaving you feeling so bad about yourself, but you needed his approval like you needed air on your lungs (or opioids on your veins) for some reason you couldn't quite explain.

You open the door, holding your breath while you tried to ignore the pit that grew on your stomach just to find out that...

"Graham?" You were simultaneously relieved and revolted to see him on your door. Adrenaline ran through your veins. You didn't realize how afraid you were of him - you've only hurt one another with words, but still, you were afraid to cross eyes with him just because you felt like it would start another fight and you would simply never speak to each other ever again, not even to fight. You were afraid of how deep your friendship has corroded.

He was visibly hurting, just like you. It comforted and hurt you to see it.

"You were waiting for him, weren't you?" He noted, vaguely motioning towards the lipstick on your lips. You felt pathetic.

"What are you doing here?" You quickly wiped the lipstick off your lips while he looks around, not really knowing what to answer. His eyes, puffy, somehow indicated he wasn't there to say he was sorry. At that point, you didn't even cared who was in the wrong. You just wanted to know why he was there.

"Just came here to tell you that... I'm leaving Blur, and... I'll be moving to Germany with a friend. Tomorrow."

"What kind of joke is this?"

"I wanted to tell you because... I felt like we got so used to each other's presence t-that... even if you're relieved by the news, uh, I think you should know in advance."

There was no mischief in his eyes. There was no point in joking with something like that. It's not like you were comfortable enough with each other to joke with each other nowadays anyway. That realization crushed you and anchored you to the very confusing and tragic reality just laid out in front of you.

It was so uncharacteristic. You knew of his tendency to run away from these types of situations and this time he simply didn't. Your mouth refused to close. "I-I don't understand. You... You can't... You can't just do that. You have a fucking gig tomorrow!"

"I won't justify myself to you. Just... take care of yourself and... don't let that leech suck the life out of you more than he already did."

"You don't understand. You don't understand anything. Is this about him? Again?" In yet another wave of adrenaline, you pulled him inside your flat and he just lets you. "Are you moving to bloody Germany because of what went on between us today?!"

"I don't care that you don't love me. I care that I can't go for a fucking day without seeing you waste away your life with him. If he was someone that made you happy... but he's just killing you. I can't deal with that."

Still in shock, you pulled him in a desperate kiss. It was not an attempt of making him stay, but something else entirely new. He had to say he was leaving so you could really know, in a matter of a few seconds, how much you needed him there.

His reciprocity simultaneously broke your heart and filled it with hope - you knew how far your relationship with Alex went and how tough it would be to break free from the chains he's got your heart tangled in, but at the same time, Coxon kissed you in a way no one else ever did. He loved you like no one else could. And that's how you noticed how easily you clinged to any sign of true affection given how much Alex's been neglecting your emotional and physical needs lately. Everything was about him all the time, it was a monologue. Graham and you had a conversation.

(A conversation that lasted all night. Thankfully, Alex didn't show up. He must've been talking to someone else.)

Instead of sweet nothings and love confessions, funnily enough, you and Graham exchanged soft "I hate you"s after the deed was done. You both hated the situation you were in. Hated that even though the passion burned hot as fire between you, you were stuck in a mess bigger than everything that just went through both of you. But never each other. You just couldn't name the feeling right.

Perhaps needless to mention, he stayed in the United Kingdom. Instead of sitting and talking like adults about what you felt about each other though, the bickering somehow became even worse.

Of course you started to take his side on fights more often. Mock Alex's behavior together more often. Something definitely changed between the two of you, but it still wasn't enough. Graham was still furious that you wouldn't give up on James. You were still furious that he wouldn't take your relationship with Alex seriously. It had its many faults, yes, but it was special in a way no one else grasped and you were raised to think that people shouldn't give up on others that easily, a convention that no modern deconstruction of social norms could take out of you out of a sudden. Not even Graham. But instead of raising your voices and breaking things around you, you've found other means to release the tension between you. Usually in dark corners of untidy pubs, his flat or yours. It became so frequent it didn't need any planning anymore.

Following the opposite path of the earlier days of your animosity, the more intense the fights got now, the lower your voices got. Instead of distancing yourselves from each other in the middle of screams, your bodies got closer like magnets. He could be so tender somehow even when his words stung like venom.

You were living and breathing contradictions. Him in the way he conveys his hopeless submissiveness to you in the way every touch of yours breaks him and the way he just isn't able to cum if he sees you're not having enough pleasure, yet he fucks you like he wants it to hurt and pretends nothing happened after you're done; and you in the way you cling to him like he's your lifeline when he's deep inside of you but isn't hesitant to not look him in the eye on some other nights.

The night of one of the parties thrown by Blur's record company following the release of The Great Escape wasn't one of the latter.

While the lower floor of the venue is frenetic with people immersed in different levels of ecstasy caused by all sorts of different substances, the upper floor is reserved to the lovers, or people who were looking for a calmer place to talk or to relatively safely de-escalate from their highs. You, on the other hand, just wanted to run away from the view of Alex kissing another woman in the event he brought you to. You were almost falling asleep in one of the tiny, dimly lit and cramped rooms when a small, familiar voice woke you up. "Why aren't you downstairs with your future husband?"

You feel aloof. The slightest mention of the one you think you love disgruntles you. "Ugh. I should have known it was you," you grumble, giving him room to share the sofa with you. "You know why."

"I don't. Someone once told me I don't understand anything." He accepts the offer almost unconsciously. It's so interesting to see how his actions contradict his words and posture, just like your actions contradict yours.

"I'm still right about that. Why did you come here? To mock me?"

"You're lost."

"And so are you. Don’t talk. I don’t want to hear it."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asks, calmly, knowing what the answer will be.

It's always a no.

You instinctively move closer to him, as if he's about to disappear in a cloud of dust in any moment. You don't ever want him to leave.

He notices your eyes are glistening when your lips touch, so smoothly and in such a tender way. His hands enter your hair, just below your ears, and you melt at his touch all over again.

The kiss starts out slow, then becomes more and more intense. His tongue slides against yours and you whine, clutching at him like he’s the only thing tethering you to this earth. It becomes so easy to let him settle between your thighs. He runs one of his large hands through your hair, fists it, and pulls your head so he can have easier access to your neck, filling it with open-mouthed kisses. “Why the fuck,” you manage to murmur in between heavy breaths, “do you care so much about me?”

He doesn't answer. His fingers trace the hem of your dress instead, skimming up the side of your leg. You whimper as he moves them over the sensitive skin to the apex of your thighs, his lips finding the side of your throat again. He sucks a mark into your skin just as his thumb caress your core so lightly above your underwear and you whisper, voice trembling with desire: "You're so much better than him."

He's not sure if you're just leading him on, and neither are you. He doesn't even know if he has heard it right. The fog really blurs every line. Reason, feelings, motives. "You never cried over me", he answers, seeking to turn that reality around, it seemed. Your hips buck into his touch, and a moan escapes you when his hand coyly seeks direct contact with your clit, stimulating it with precision from the start. "You truly... don't know shit," you gasp, grinding harder against his touch and losing yourself to his ministrations, the fog of an earlier hit helping in enveloping you in a state of so much bliss.

"Do you want me to lock the door?" His raspy voice takes you out of this world. You nod, a little disappointed by having such a great feeling interrupted for the sake of privacy. Your lips were spit-slick and pinkened, your eyes half lidded. The sight made Graham breathe hard through his nose, but he somehow kept his composure. When he goes to lock the door, you couldn't help noticing the tent you helped build in his jeans. You feel proud of yourself.

He returns with the hungry kisses and eager touches, slowly driving you crazy all over again. His kisses lower down, down... and you pat his shoulders, motioning for him to stop. "I want to make you feel good tonight." He accepts the offer.

You scooch downwards, just above his hips, and you pull his pants and the waistband to his briefs down in one swift motion. He's painfully hard, but that was hardly a surprise. Graham straightens his back just in time to watch you take the reddened head of his cock into your mouth. He claps a hand over his mouth, hips bucking upwards into the wet heat instinctively, your warm breath enveloping his dick and clouding his mind.

Wrapping your fingers around it, you gently jerk him off, slowly sliding your hand from the tip back to the base. He groans, watching you as you fill his senses with a dull warmth. You stare back at him, smiling as he groans at your warm breath.

You run the tip of your index finger tentatively along the underside of his cock, watching with fascination as his cock twitches and reacts to your presence. You lean forward, breathing on the head before planting a soft kiss on the tip. Coxon whimpers, his dick aching from your attention. Tired of the teasing, you begin stroking it, your soft fingers loosely bouncing along his shaft. He leans his head back to the ceiling when you kiss the tip again.

You eye his cock excitedly, before you lean forward and lick his head, swirling your tongue around the crown and flicking it across the tip. His hips thrust forward before you can even react, his mind reeling as your tongue slowly traces along a vein you followed from the head all the way to the base. He groans, and was about to say something when his mind went blank. He sees pure white, his brain shutting down almost completely as you wrap your mouth around the end of his cock and set a steady rhythm to the oral stimulation. His chest rumbles as a deep growl of satisfaction leaves him, shaking through the air, the vibrations in your mouth punctuating his growl with a hiss.

He cracks his eyes open, his glazed eyes staring down to find you staring directly at him. The sight of his rigid cock vanishing between your soft lips made his skin crawl. He groans heavily, grasping your head on instinct and thrusting forward.

You gasp lightly as he shoves himself deeper inside your mouth, pushing against your throat. He moans your name desperately, panting heavily as his hips automatically thrust against you. You stand firm, keeping only the front half of his cock in your mouth, slithering your tongue against the crown and watching intently for his reactions. He was close, his mind firmly on fire as his body reacted on autopilot, trying to extract as much pleasure as possible. He could feel his climax approaching, your soft lips and gentle eyes coaxing him on. You look into his eyes and give an experimental bob of your head, taking him further into your mouth. Feeling the characteristic salty taste of precum on your tongue, you take your mouth off his cock, and before his mind is able to form a cohesive sentence of protest, you take off your underwear and sit on his lap. His hands now squeeze your hip, pulling you closer. Your wetness leaves a bit of a trail on his legs before you sink on his hard, already lubricated cock.

"You're addicted to my cock, aren't you," It's fascinating how Graham's behavior changes when he's drunk. In the best and worst ways. He would never say something like that while sober. You nod in agreement, face flush with arousal and need. "He can't even fuck you," he punctuactes with an especially hard thrust, "like I can." he envelops you in a sort of hug as his broad shoulders and arms now dictate the rhythm you both follow.

"He--c-an't, fuck--"

"Do you think," he takes his entire cock out of you just so he can go even deeper when he says, "he'll hear us... if you say my name out loud?" he smiles when a loud moan escapes your lips, feeling completely in control of your body. You can't even talk anymore, just nod, like a marionette.

"So say it." Another thrust. And another. And another. You follow his pace with your hips religiously, not even slightly ashamed of making the name of the one who's giving you so much pleasure public, as he commanded. You take the last atom of control on your body and direct it to your pussy, clenching your walls tighter around him, an action that successfully tears his thoughts apart, making his eyebrows furrow and his mouth, agape. One of his hands move to the middle of your bodies and, as he looks down at where your bodies meet, begins to stimulate your clit to the rhythm of his thrusts. His groans turn louder when your body moves towards his again, and the sound of your moans, along with the sound of skin against skin and your ragged breaths were the only thing you were able to hear, along with the distant sound of It Could Be You playing in the background.

In a daze, he says your name in that unique way that only he knew how to - like it was part of a prayer and your body was his God(dess). You dig your nails into his back while he fucks you without a trace of mercy. You close your eyes, losing yourself in all those sensations as Graham continued his movements. When he punctuates his now even faster thrusts with a string of "fuck, fuck, fuck" - that's when you know he's close, a suspicion confirmed true as he comes hard inside of you, closing his eyes tightly as he reached his climax. You follow him seconds later.

When he recovers enough to be able to breathe calmly and control his heartbeat, Graham rests his chin on your shoulder. Neither of you say anything for a long time.

And when the spasms of pleasure are gone, Graham's brain decides to go back to work and he realizes what had just happened - again. Suddenly, the sensation of bliss is accompanied by that weird sensation of "What do I do now?". He carefully removes his dick from you and pulls his jeans up, zipping up his pants while you straighten your dress and search for your panties in the middle of the dark. Both without saying a single word.

Graham clears his throat, glancing at the mirror behind the door and seeing his state was deplorable. His face reddened by the heat and his hair a perfect mess. You were in no better situation than him.

“Uh,” Graham said a long time later, breaking the silence. “How long is that arrangement supposed to last?”

"I won't count the time." You responded calmly. 

He nods, mystified by you. 

[artaefact]

bakery 1995.

—wordcount: 14.7k+

—genre: angst, fluff, romance, baker!jimin, bakery cafe au, childhood friends-to-lovers au

—pairing: park jimin x f reader ft. bestfriend!jungkook

—rating: pg-15

—warnings: age gap (jimin is 4-5 years older), brief mention of physical assault, memory loss, overprotective parents, some intended grammatical mistakes, swearings, y/n is dragged into jungkook’s shenanigans

—summary: After returning from college for summer break, you got yourself a part time job to keep yourself busy. However, things go way too unexpectedly and you find yourself unraveling your forgotten past.

author’s note: this is for @btswritingcafe promptly yours event !! i tweaked the prompt a bit, so hopefully no one would get confused! happy reading ♡

Prompt: “Person A once had a major childhood crush on Person B. Fast forward to college where Person A is convinced it was nothing but temporary, that is until they return home for summer break to find Person B back after being gone for several years. Turns out, they weren’t such temporary feelings.”

© artaefact/eunoiabliss 2020. All rights reserved. Copying, reposting, translating, and modifying in any platform or by any means is NOT permitted.

It’s nice to know that no matter how judgemental the world can be, pigeons would never judge you. Despite the clear contrast between yourself and the asphalt pathway, they would not hesitate to excrete waste on either of them and can’t even be bothered by the possible consequences.

Staring at the dropping on your jacket sleeve, you exhale loudly while rummaging your pocket for a kleenex.

‘Out of all the places where their shit could have landed on, it had to be MY jacket,’ you grumble to yourself.

Reaching towards the bakery in the area, you hope they still have some cinnamon rolls you have been craving for. You can already imagine yourself humming in delight as the sweetness spreads across your taste buds and—

“You have got to be kidding me.”

The cashier attendee bows apologetically at you. “We’re so sorry, all the cinnamon rolls are sold out for today.”

Today must be the worst day to date in your entire years of existence. How on earth can a bakery run out of cinnamon rolls?

Groaning internally, you trudge out of the, now, third bakery that has sold out their cinnamon rolls.

Bad luck seems to follow you throughout the day. Is it because you went out of the house while your parents were in the middle of nagging you? For the last few days after you came back home for summer break, they have been constantly nagging you and you would kill to have an hour of peace and quiet.

Mindlessly, you whip up your phone and search up on Google while you walk to the nearby bus station, typing in the search bar — is it bad luck if a bird pooped on you?

Biting your lower lip, you press on the first link that appears on the screen.

Bird poop may be a sign of hope in disguise, you read. Snorting in incredulity, you scroll through the webpage.

It can’t be good luck.

You are not the type to believe in superstitions, however, besides getting pooped on, you dropped your phone on the pavement of the sidewalk just before you reached the first bakery, an hour ago. This resulted in the annoying crack of the screen right in the middle of it. Not only that, the sole of your right tennis shoes came off halfway which hindered you from walking properly and made you look like someone who hurt their leg.

Having had enough for today, you decide to go back home. Until a pastel pink store, right across the street, catches your attention with its aesthetic-looking door.

What’s this? A new—

A dramatic gasp escapes your lips after reading the name of the store, earning confused stares from nearby people. But you couldn’t care less.

Maybe Lady Luck does still care about you.

As soon as the pedestrian light turns green, you excitedly run, no, shuffle through the zebra-cross, reaching the newly-opened bakery.

My last hope is here. Please, let there be—

The interior of the bakery exudes a welcoming vibe, with the color of pale pink being the dominant over the whole place. Basically, it's a place where those Instagram models would kill to take their pictures at. However, it’s not the interior itself that your focus locks on. When the smell of freshly baked goods wafts into your nose, your eyes zero themselves on the various types of pastries that line the display counter, covered in glass domes. And there it is.

“Yes!” You squeal, grabbing the bakery tray to fill it as much as you’d like.

When you place the filled tray in the cash register counter, the cashier comments, “Woah, that’s a lot.”

If it is a normal day, you would have waved it off. However, unfortunately for the guy, it isn’t a normal day for you, after the constant annoying incidents that happened to you earlier. The comment snaps the last thread of patience you have for the day and sadly, targets the person in front of you. “I think you should mind your own—”

You take your thoughts back. Lady Luck is not on your side nor is the universe. They must be having fun, playing pranks on you so much today.

Your words cease immediately at his sheepish yet attractive smile.

“I-I’m sorry,” you stammer. “Just having a really bad day and I—”

“No! That’s okay.” The guy grins at you, eyes turning into crescent moons. “I’m the one who should be sorry, I just said the first thing that came up in my mind.”

“Ah...”

“I suck at starting conversations,” he says, sheepishly. “It’s a skill I’m planning to improve.”

Blinking twice, you manage to smile back at him, most probably just a cringed expression. “Well, um, good luck with that.”

As soon as he hands you the paper bag, you dash out of the bakery, not once looking back.

Your cheeks feel hot during the whole trip back home, every time you remember what happened, you would mentally kick yourself.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Eating the warm cinnamon rolls is a blessing and a curse.

You have never tasted such heavenly flavour before, all your worries and exhaustion seem to fade away. This brings you to freeze in the realisation that you’ll want, no, need to go back to that bakery to buy those delicious rolls again. Meaning, you’ll see that cute guy whom you snapped at earlier, again.

His friendly eye-smile burns deep in your mind. But you can’t shrug off the sense of familiarity of his face and his voice…

Have I met him before?

Once you reach home, body aching and tired, you take a quick shower before digging into the rolls. Clicking your tongue, you continue to munch on the rolls in your room while your thoughts pull you in deep.

The sudden knock on your door, however, brings you back to the present. Groaning loudly, you stand up from your padded window seat.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Jungkook.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Your mouth agape at the sudden visit from your best friend. “Didn’t you say you won’t see me at all until break is over?”

“I might have changed my mind. I was very bored at home.” He enters your room, plopping on your beanbag. “So, now I am bored as hell and— Did you buy food without telling me?”

You met him during freshman year and you both hit it off quite quickly, you might add. After constantly pairing up together in projects, college project meetups gradually turned into hangouts.

“Says the one who claims to see my face every day makes him sick.” You roll your eyes at his dramatic ass, you go back to the window seat, crossing your legs. “It wasn’t planned, okay? I just got back home like thirty minutes ago.”

“But still you nearly finished everything without leaving me much!” He bit your last half-finished roll, letting out a noise of approval. “Which bakery did you buy it from?”

“It’s a new one. I never saw it before we went to college.”

“You should bring me there soon.”

“Nu-uh,” you refuse. “You can go yourself. I am not stepping a foot inside that place any longer.”

“What? Why not?”

“I may have embarrassed myself in front of the worker there.” Then you tell him what happened earlier.

Jungkook shakes his head in pity. “My poor Y/N, how do you always embarrass yourself when I’m not around? How would you survive in this world without me?”

Snorting at his words, you lean against the pillows on your back. “You’re the lucky one to have someone like me as his best friend. Anyways, how about that job I’m looking for?”

“Oh!” Jungkook’s eyes lit up. “Right, I was about to tell you! My friend is looking for a part-timer for his cafe.”

“Hmm, that sounds…”

Jungkook answers, “Boring? I know you’re looking for something much more exciting and—”

Narrowing your stare at Jungkook’s obvious judgmental face, you cut him off. “It sounds perfect, actually.”

Sighing, Jungkook whips up his phone. “You better bring me leftovers every time you get off work. I’ll bring you to his cafe tomorrow.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“What? Why?”

“You little shit—” You smack his arm.

“Ow! Stop that, woman! I thought you said—”

“This is a fucking bakery, dumbass!” You hiss at him.

Jungkook gapes at you. “It’s a bakery cafe, what’s the difference?”

“It’s different! I can’t go back in there!” You whine in embarrassment.

“Wait— So this is the bakery where you embarrassed yourself?”

Nodding wordlessly, you exhale before catching Jungkook failing to stifle his laughter. “Shouldn’t be too big of a problem. He’s nice, Y/N.”

“But—”

“And I told him you were coming…” Jungkook scratches the back of his head.

After contemplating for a while, you decided to gather your courage and enter the sweet-smelling bakery with Jungkook.

Too late to go back now. It was either this or staying bored at home for the rest of the summer break, facing your parents’ look of disapproval at your lack of daily activities, or to be more exact productivity.

The cute guy just finished placing cakes inside the glass displays on the counter, then his gaze shifts to where you and Jungkook are standing.

“Jungkook!” The cute guy’s brown hair is slicked back as he takes off his baker’s hat, approaching your best friend.

“It’s been so long, Hyung!” Jungkook greets back with a hug, smiling from ear to ear. “And wow—” His eyes skim through the pastel-themed cafe. “You finally opened your own cafe.”

Watching them interacting is a foreign sight to you. It’s a rare right to see Jungkook, the usually shy one, so friendly and comfortable around the cute guy.

If you’re lucky enough, maybe the cute guy won’t remember you and—

“Ah! Miss Cinnamon Rolls!”

Scratch that. Of course, he still remembers you.

“I didn’t know you were looking for a job.” His eye smile lands on you finally and your throat dries up.

Jungkook fails to hold back his laughter. “Miss Cinnamon Rolls? Just how much did you buy last time?”

After sending a brief glare at your best friend, you introduce yourself to the cute guy, “Y/N.”

As soon as your name slips past your lips, the cute guy freezes momentarily, eyes widening a fraction. “Y/N?”

You nod slowly.

“Uh,” He fumbles. “Jimin. Park Jimin.”

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

“So, this is the kitchen area. We need to get the place ready by 8:30. Can you come by at 6 the latest?”

You nod at his question.

“We have a different menu each day. It will take some time for you to learn everything. But don’t worry I’ll teach everything you need to know.” He shoots you a smile, sending your heart to slightly flutter as you fiddle with your fingers.

Thank goodness Jungkook has left. Or else you’d never hear the end of his teasing or knowing smirk.

“I’m starting with bread and cakes these past few days before I open up the cafe section.”

For the rest of the day, Jimin spends his time letting you know everything about how the bakery runs whenever there are no customers. Even gracing you with two pieces of freshly-baked cinnamon rolls which made your cheeks burn in embarrassment at the memory of your first encounter.

“Go ahead, enjoy it,” Jimin shoots you a knowing grin.

Muttering a quiet ‘okay’, you take the first bite — holding a delighted groan at the sweetness that bursts through your tastebuds.

Propping his chin on his hand, he stares at you in amusement. “You must really like cinnamon rolls, huh?”

“They’re my comfort food,” you admit after swallowing down a piece. “My late grandmother used to make a lot of rolls at home.”

“I see… Well, have you ever baked before, Y/N?”

“The basic stuff like chocolate chip cookies…”

“Oh, that’s great—”

You added quickly, “But I nearly burned down Jungkook’s kitchen, though. He banned me from the kitchen ever since.”

A surprised laugh escapes the man’s lips which you don’t mind hearing more often, especially if you are the one behind it.

“At least the cookies still turned out great. It was a bit on the burnt side but still good… Crispy and crunchy.” You nervously chuckle. “But I swear, I’m not that bad if you provide a clear recipe!”

Still giggling, Jimin leans forward on his seat. “I can teach you everything you need to know. The basic stuff on baking and then there would be clear recipes I can provide you.”

Your eyes lighten up at that. “Yes! I’ll try my best.”

Arriving at the bakery at 6 am sharp, the next day — your official first day at work — Jimin can be seen moving back and forth from the small window opening connecting the kitchen and the bakery itself, already busy in the kitchen.

The smell of his work wafts through the entire bakery, indicating that he has been there for quite some time. Once you enter the kitchen, your mouth waters instinctively at the smell and sight of freshly-baked breads on the counter.

“How can I help?” From observing the finished baked goods, your eyes shift curiously at some ingredients — eggs, chocolate chips, sugar, flour — on the kitchen counter while you tighten the knot of your apron.

“You’re going to bake some chocolate chip cookies.” Jimin places a tray full of another different set of bread near the first one through the window. “So, go ahead, preheat the oven first.”

Following his instruction, you move towards one of the ovens. “Um…”

The corner of his lips quirks up at your obvious confusion before he chimes on how hot the oven should be set on.

With a brief nod, you turn on the oven. “Is this a test to see how far my baking skills go?” When you take a glimpse of the honey-haired man, he returns it with an amused grin of his own.

“Bingo.” Jimin’s smile is boyish and carefree and his eyes become crescent moons.

In other words, it made your heart race. However, you dismiss such unprofessional thoughts quickly before blood rises to your cheeks.

Clearing your throat, you move to the counter and start mixing the necessary ingredients altogether and set the dough on the baking tray. When the oven is preheated, you bring the tray towards it only to realise your mistake too late: not opening the oven first.

“Let me help,” Jimin says softly, opening the oven deftly.

“T-Thanks...” you mumble, concentrating on the task at hand.

Time passes quickly, before you know it, the oven makes a soft ‘ting’ sound. Opening it, the sweet smell wafts through the kitchen.

“I did it!” you say, excitedly placing the hot tray on the marble counter.

“But the final test is how the cookies taste.”

You watch in nervous anticipation as Jimin pops one of the cookies into his mouth. Not a moment later, he lets out a surprised sound.

“This is really good, Y/N. You do have the talent to bake.”

You beam at his words.

“Since that’s all set, I believe we still have other kinds of pastries to prepare for the day. I have all the recipes prepared for you here.” He motions to the notebook on the counter — you flip through it, astonished at all the recipes.

“Are these your own personalised recipes?”

Nodding, Jimin shoots you a grin. “I’ve always loved baking and there are some ways to make things with their own unique taste.”

The rest of the upcoming hour, you and Jimin were busy baking with Jimin instructing and giving you pointers. At some point, you even talked about anything and everything, as if you both have known each other all your life while you both work.

You have to admit, you find it really enjoyable. When the bakery closes, you sit quietly on one of the empty tables near the cashier after Jimin tells you to wait.

Mindlessly flipping through his recipe notebook, your attention soon shifts to Jimin himself with a steaming cup in his hold.

“Here.” He sets the cup in front of you.

You look at him quizzically before he motions for you to try.

“I’m opening the cafe part next week,” Jimin says. “Thought you can be the first to judge my caramel macchiato.”

“That’s a lot of caramel in one drink…” For a few moments, you observe the steaming coffee, froth decorates the top of it with drizzles of caramel in patterns of criss-cross nearly covering most of the foam itself. “Why caramel macchiato, though?”

“I thought you’d—” He clears his throat. “So many people really love caramel macchiato. So, I thought I’d go with this one for you to try first.”

Bringing the cup carefully to your lips, you take a sip of the beverage. The texture of the coffee is so smooth and the slight bitterness spreads through your taste buds and down your throat. Then you taste the caramel, letting out a delighted surprise when you find caramel bits inside the beverage.

Jimin keeps his stare on you, one hand supporting his chin and his eyes unreadable.

“What is it?” You ask, after downing the drink.

He blinks as if he was lost in his own thoughts. “Uh, how is it?”

“It’s very good.”

“Do you like coffee?” He asks.

Nodding, you tell him you loved to steal your mom’s coffee when you were younger. “There used to be a cafe near my place. I used to go there frequently during my high school years.”

Jimin briefly stills at yours words. “Do you... Still go there?”

You shake your head. “It was closed two years ago unfortunately.”

“Hmm, that’s a shame. I would’ve wanted to try the coffee there.”

Chuckling at his words, your mind takes you back to your high school days. “It was really good.”

Humming to yourself, you continue to flip through the pages of Jimin’s recipe notebook. “What’s this?” You stop at one page, pointing at a child’s drawing on his recipe notebook. “Did you draw it when you were younger?”

“It’s a shooting star.” Jimin answers. “And, no. I didn’t.”

“Oh? Sister? Brother?”

“I don’t have a sister and my brother just does not have the artistic skill to draw that,” he laughs. “It was someone from my past. Someone who is precious to me.”

“Oh…” Noticing his faraway gaze on the notebook, you sense it is a sensitive topic. “Why a shooting star though?”

“It represents hopes and wishes, according to her.” His smile turns nostalgic. “I was having a hard time back then. But this girl,” he chuckles as if in disbelief. “— just straight up grabbed my notebook and drew a shooting star on it, saying I should wish on this star since seeing a shooting star is not that common here.”

There’s something sad but warm in Jimin’s tone as he talks about this girl. You can only assume that this girl is not in his life anymore. Or even in this world.

“I see…”

“As ridiculous as it sounds, I actually did it. Very frequently in all honesty. Whenever I’m having a hard time, I’d wish upon that star.”

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

A week passes quickly and just like a normal day, you arrive back home just a quarter past eight. Tugging off your shoes near the doorway, you hear your dad calling from the living room.

“Yes?” Mindlessly, you step into the living room only to meet the stern glare from him.

“Where were you?” Your dad asks. “Do you have any idea what time it is now?”

“It’s around eight...”

“And your curfew?”

Furrowing your brows, you gape, “I thought that was back in high school.”

“That still applies until now. I expect you to come back before seven.” Then he repeats his question, “Where were you?”

“From my new part-time place.” You answer. “I thought I told you about it.”

“If you want a job, you can intern in the company for the summer,” your dad sighs. “There’s no need for part-time jobs.”

You should have known it would last just three days before you are missing your university life, or to be more specific living alone. With the constant nagging from your parents, you crave for silence for a period of time. One thing you have been missing quite badly you have to admit, which is why you took the job in the bakery. Away from the scrutinising stares of your parents.

Here it goes again.

“I don’t think I’m ready to start there, Dad,” you exhale. “I want to do other things while I can.”

The same topic, the same debate you’d try to avoid as much as possible ever since you arrived back home for the summer. That was why you’d try to find something else to do. You always wanted to try a new hobby over the holidays. Now, with the excess amount of time in your hands, you are able to try.

That is why you opt for the part time job Jungkook found — working in the bakery.

“This isn’t going to work if you get home after your curfew, Y/N. You know how dangerous it is if you come home late.”

“I’m an adult now,” you reply, exasperatedly. “I can take care—”

“Things can get unpredictable, Y/N. It’s better that you’re safe than sorry.”

“Dad, when will you stop reminding me of that?” You groan in annoyance. “I don’t even remember how the accident happened.”

“The more reason for you to be cautious!”

Exasperated, you storm up to your room and carelessly throw your bag on the side of your bed. Laying on your back, you stare at the ceiling as your thoughts muddle when you try to think of what happened.

All you remember back then is that you woke up in the hospital, met with the worried gaze of your parents as soon as you got your consciousness back. However, they never tell or fill you in on what happened.

Gradually, your eyelids grow heavier — exhausted from the day and the burst of negative emotions over the argument you had earlier. Thus, you succumb to sleep. However, your mind takes you elsewhere.

Everything is dark.

With your own ragged breathing, you struggle to keep yourself as quiet as possible, biting down a hiss from the sting of your scraped knees. Tears pool in your eyes as you wait, hidden behind one of the playground’s slides and out of sight of any possible passerby.

There are no memories of what happened beforehand. All you know is to stay there and wait.

“Y/N?”

Peeking out of your hiding place, the figure draws closer calling your name in another hushed whisper.

But you knew this voice. So, you whispered back, “Here...” As soon as you get out of your hiding place, a warm embrace envelops your small frame.

“We’re okay, everything’s okay. I’ve lost them. We’re safe now,” he whispers, stroking your head softly while your fists clench on his shirt.

Not a moment later, your tears start to fall and you sob into his shirt. He tightens his hold on you, one hand on the back of your head as he repeatedly whispers, “It’s okay, I’m here.”

“I’m here...” His voice then seems to echo and your surrounding becomes a blur.

When you open your eyes, you realise you’re back in your room yet there are stray tears in your eyes. Sitting up on your bed, you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself.

Was that a memory…?

“Have a good day.” You bid the last customer of the day farewell and once they leave, your cheeks droop into a frown. With a sigh, you walk out of the cashier register place towards the front door, turning the ‘Open’ plate to ‘Close’.

The dream you had last night still felt so vivid that you considered it was a flashback of your memory loss. You wanted to ask your parents about it. However, yesterday’s conflict was still fresh. You were sure they would dismiss it.

After cleaning up the counters of the bakery café and mopping the floors, you trudge into the break room, sitting down on one of its chairs as you wait for Jimin’s return from his “errand”.

Your mind takes you back to the dream where someone was hugging you tight.

Who was it? you wonder. In the back of your mind, somehow you never felt his warmth among your high school friends. The guy who was holding you is just different.

You are so deep in your thoughts that you didn’t realise Jimin entering until he brings something right in front of your face. “What—”

“Hot chocolate,” he answers, softly. “You seem distracted today, I thought this might cheer you up.”

Taking the steaming cup from him, you mutter your thanks before breathing in the sweet smell, blowing softly on the beverage. “That was fast.”

“Hmm?”

“Wait, did you go out to buy this?” You lift the warm cup of hot chocolate.

Jimin lets out an embarrassed chuckle. “I wanted to make you one. Until I realised that the ingredients are finished. So, I had to run out.”

“You didn’t have to, you know…”

“I know. But I wanted to anyway.”

Your eyes look down, can’t help feeling touched by his sweet gesture as you fight back to keep yourself from blushing.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He must have noticed the change of your expression before he says quickly, “Only if you’re comfortable, of course! I just thought talking about what’s on your mind can ease you. At least a bit.”

Blinking your eyes twice, a chuckle escapes your lips. “I guess so.”

“That’s your first smile today.”

You raise a brow at him.

“Your first real smile, I mean. Your cheekbones do not have much tension if you’re genuinely happy whereas if you fake a smile, it seems more like you’re cringing. Like our first encounter.” He chuckles, meaningfully.

“I’m sorry...” you mumble, eyes glancing down at the steaming hot chocolate on your lap.

“That’s fine,” he says easily. “Everyone has their bad days.”

You smile slightly at his words. “Had a fight with my parents last night.”

Jimin stays quiet, still listening to you.

“They are always so protective when it comes to me. Maybe a bit too much at times. I’m a grown adult for fuck’s sake.” Another sigh escapes your lips before taking a sip of the hot chocolate. “My dad especially. He made it sound like a big deal when I came home around eight. I’m just frustrated at this.”

“Have you talked to him about it?”

You nod in response.

“Was there something that made your dad feel that way?”

“I...” You blink. “I guess it’s because that one time I ended up in the hospital?”

“You did?”

You nod. “A few years ago, I had an accident.”

Jimin stiffens at your words. “Oh?”

“But it was nothing. I didn’t even remember what happened in all honesty.”

He stutters, “W-What?”

“I lost my memories. I had no recall of the accident at all.” Eyes training blankly on your front, focusing on nothing as you dive back into your memories. “My parents told me there is nothing to worry about and my memories would come back gradually. They never filled me in on what happened too.”

The corner of his lips soon quirks up slightly, his expression wistful. “Maybe they wouldn’t want you to be traumatised by what happened. It’s already fortunate enough for you to be able to recover from your head injury.”

“Yeah... I guess so,” you mumble.

However, since that incident you can’t deny the feeling of something missing since a chunk of your life has been cut off. No memories of the accident have returned even after years. Recovering from the head injury—

“Wait—” Head snapping to face Jimin. “How did you know I had a head injury?”

Jimin blinks repeatedly, as if your words just sink in. “Ah! I mean isn’t it a head injury? You lost your memories after all.” An awkward laugh escapes his lips. “Usually, people who lost their memories have head injuries, right?”

“Well, yeah...”

“Anyways, finish the hot chocolate and you should head home before your parents—”

Suddenly, a wave of deja vu washes over you. Snapping your gaze from the hot chocolate in your hands, you look at Jimin as your brain starts to grow fuzzy at the familiarity of Jimin’s words.

“Jimin...” you begin.

“Huh?”

“Have we ever met before I started working here?”

“You mean the first time you came into this bakery?”

You shake your head. “No, even before that. Did we know each other?”

A surprised glint appears in his eyes before it dissipates as quick as it appears. “I don’t think so…?”

Oh.

“Maybe we’ve just ran into each other at some point in town. But I don’t think we ever knew each other.”

“I see...” Disappointment floods through you at his words.

Right, you thought to yourself. If he was a close friend he would have recognised you instantly when you came to his bakery.

“Oh, look at the time.” Jimin stands up. “You need to be home before dark, right?”

“It’s not a big deal—”

He shakes his head. “It’s alright. You’ve finished cleaning today. I just need to close up and check the supplies.”

“But—” Your words die in your throat when Jimin pats your head.

“You’ve worked hard today,” he grins at you.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

“I’m home,” you call out to no one in particular before you hear your mother from the kitchen.

Once you reach the kitchen, your mother turns her head to see you. “Help me set the table, dinner’s almost ready.”

Nodding, you follow suit. “Where’s Dad?”

“Your father is still caught in a meeting. He’ll be home late.”

“I see,” you mutter, placing the silverwares on the table.

“How’s work?” your mother asks. “You’re home earlier than usual.”

“It’s great,” you answer. “The boss lets me off early.”

And you continue to talk about your day. From helping Jimin bake cakes and bread early in the morning, serving customers coffee and desserts, cleaning up the whole place, and enjoying the hot chocolate Jimin bought you earlier.

“He sounds like a nice guy,” your mom muses when you both sit at the dinner table.

“He is.” A smile appears on your face, remembering his sweet gesture and warm presence. Then your mind shifts to the conversation you had earlier, and what has been bothering you lately. “Mom?”

“Hmm…?”

“Five years ago, how did I end up in the hospital?”

Your mother noticeably stiffens at your question, ceases digging through her plate of food.

“You and Dad never filled me in. You both kept on saying that my memories will return eventually… Until now actually.” You let out a breath. “I think I’m old enough to know what really happened.”

Letting out a deep breath herself, your mother puts down her fork. “What do you remember?”

“I was at a playground and hiding… Then there’s someone who came to find me.” Met with silence from your mother, you continue, “Was it one of my friends?”

Shaking her head, your mother answers, “It wasn’t any of your high school friends.”

“Then who…?”

“You never mentioned his name. But you’d always talk about him back then.” Your mother sighs. “Go through the attic when you’re having a day off. You’ll find some of your old stuff I hid there. Make sure your father is not home.”

Standing up, you want to go there at once. However, your mother stops you. “Y/N, listen to me. Whatever you find there, if you… If anything hurts or feels just too much, I want you to stop, alright? You’re a grown adult and I trust you’ll prioritise your own health.”

Nodding wordlessly, you finish the remaining food on your plate.

[ when you were fifteen years old: after the incident ]

When the dismissal bell rings, some students instantly scramble from their desks, some stretch lazily on their seats and have conversations with others.

“Hey, Y/N.” One of your classmates calls you, a smile etched on her face. “So glad to have you back.”

“Yeah! This sem has been a pain in the ass. You’ll get through it in a breeze!” Another classmate adds.

You respond with a grateful smile of your own before packing up your things.

It hasn’t been that long since you were released from the hospital. You have persistently insisted your parents to let you go back to school and they finally relented after you promised them that you’ll go straight back home and to not strain yourself after dismissing your parents’ idea of hiring a driver.

Today is your first day back. Your friends greeted you excitedly when you stepped into the classroom. Even those who you recall never talked much with you greeted you with a ‘Hi’.

Walking mindlessly through the streets of your neighbourhood, your legs take you to a cafe as you recognise the familiar scent of coffee.

Tilting your head in confusion, you stare at the cafe building in shades of black and brown.

What exactly are you doing here?

There were no planned meetups with your friends, yet, your body seems to find its way here. Fishing out your phone, you scan through the past messages to double check any planned hangouts.

It’s a Wednesday.

But…

With the curiosity nagging inside you, you search for Beomgyu’s contact.

[ 4:05 PM ] You: beomie, do you know the cafe near my place?

[ 4:05 PM ] Beomgyu: i guess?? Every wednesday you'd always go there for no apparent reason at all. When i wanted to tag along you’d always give me the devil eye :(

[ 4:05 PM ] You: oh… that’s… well, sorry lol. Do u wanna come here?

[ 4:06 PM ] Beomgyu: wait, r u srs ???

[ 4:06 PM ] You: i mean if u’re not busy and i think getting coffee and hanging in the cafe would be good.

[ 4:07 PM ] Beomgyu: i'd never thought this day would come :’) i’ll be there in 10.

Chuckling at your friend’s response, you place your phone back into your pocket. Exhaling, you enter the cafe and make your way towards the cashier register.

“Welcome, what would you like for today?” The person smiles at you.

“Caramel macchiato, please.”

She nods, typing in your order. “That will be four dollars.”

After exchanging your payment with a receipt, you wait at an empty table for two near the window. Something about this familiar place, however, feels off. Like there is something missing that you can’t seem to put your finger on.

Your thoughts are cut off when someone takes the seat across from you. “Why are you so deep in thought?”

Beomgyu stares at you quizzically as you blink in realisation. “Uh…”

He narrows his stare at you suspiciously before shifting his gaze around the cafe. “So, what is it that kept you going here?”

You shake your head in response. “I have no idea either. Honestly, I have this gut feeling to come here when I passed by earlier.”

“Hmm, maybe the coffee?” Beomgyu watches one of the waitresses bringing your orders, placing it on your table.

Sighing, you stare at the steaming cup with caramel drizzles on the foam for a few moments. Then you bring the cup to your lips to take a sip.

“Argh, why is this bitter?” Scrunching your nose, you motion towards the waitress for extra caramel.

“Did… Your taste buds change too? You said the caramel macchiato here is perfect.”

A snort escapes you as you drizzle more caramel into the coffee. “I got hit in the damn head, Beomie. It doesn’t change my taste buds.”

He shrugs. “Well, who knows. I never knew you like caramel that much.”

You freeze momentarily.

“Y/N? You okay?” Beomgyu waves a hand in front of your face.

“Y-yeah, I just…”

“You just…?”

Shaking your head once more, you whisper, “It’s nothing…” But your eyes scan through the busy workers in the cafe.

Deep inside, you had an inkling that the coffee here isn’t your sole reason for coming here.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Turns out you were right.

Once when you came into the cafe on another Wednesday, you sat at your usual place after ordering your usual drink.

“Oh, my dear, you’re finally back,” someone says.

Blinking, your gaze snaps to the elder woman — maybe around her mid fifties — and you give her a small smile before asking, “Do I know you...?”

It was her turn to look confused at your words.

“I’m really sorry for not recognising!” You grow flustered at your words. “I lost my memory in an accident a few months ago...”

“Oh, that’s awful!” The lady — a regular customer, you assume — gasps. “So that’s why you don’t frequent this cafe anymore. The young man looked so heartbroken before he quit his job—”

“Young man?”

“The barista, dear,” the lady replies. “You used to come here and meet him. I had to shush the both of you every time to not disturb the other customers.”

“I... Was he from my school?”

The lady shakes her head. “I don’t think so. He never wore a uniform like yours.”

“Do you know his name?”

The lady shakes her head once more. “His name was Park. Probably that’s his last name. At least that’s what is written on his name tag.”

And you internally groan. There are thousands of people with that last name.

“Do you know where he’s gone?”

“I’m afraid no, my dear. I heard he quit the job suddenly.”

Sighing, you thanked the lady before heading out of the cafe with your shoulders dropping in defeat.

The trapdoor makes a loud creaking sound when you lift it up, indicating that it hasn’t been used for a very long time. Slipping the key back to your back pocket, you step up further on the ladder with the trap door laying on another side as you go through it while the floorboards creak underneath your weight.

It didn’t take you long to locate your old things. Scanning through the boxes, you find one doodled in various flowers and rainbows with your name written on it as well.

With a grunt, you lift up the dusty box, bringing it down to the floor with a thud which causes you to cough at the flying dust. In an attempt to swat the dust away, you wave your hand in front of you. Still coughing uncontrollably with your eyes watering. After your cough ceases, you crouch and open the box. A few notebooks can be found inside along with some old dolls from your childhood.

You vaguely remember the locked diary you liked to write in about your day and its pale pink cover which was covered in sparkling stickers you used to be obsessed with.

Digging further through the books, you finally found it — the possible answer to your lost memories — with a small key dangling on the lock.

Climbing down from the attic, you made your way to your room while fumbling with the lock and key of your old diary. After successfully unlocking it, you take a seat on your padded window sill, flipping through the yellowing pages.

The first page was clearly written by you. Your old handwriting and your name. The first entry you wrote dates back to a decade ago.

Your fingers twitch at how cringe-y most of the entries are. Yet, at the same time you find it endearing how you used to write about your day. The good, the bad, and the normal things — appreciating just to be able to experience and get through them.

The last of your entries date back to months before the incident when you were fifteen. Probably because you decided that you were too old to write diaries any longer.

Recalling how you’d always visit the cafe every Wednesday, you skim through Wednesday entries. However one particular name seems to stand out in those entries.

“Mochi?” You flip from one entry to another. Who the hell is that?

Deciding to get to the bottom of this, you search for the earliest entry that you can find — nine years ago.

I met the hot choco guy again, today. I’m feeling so happy!!! He is so nice. why can’t any of the boys in my school be like him????

Hot... Choco? Furrowing your brows, you skip to the next Wednesday entry.

i am feeling so happy that mama brought me to the cafe last last week!!! she do not let me drink the coffee drink, so Mochi give me hot choco! i think it’s the best BEST drink EVER!!!

“How the hell did hot choco guy turn into Mochi?” you mumble to yourself, flipping through your diary to the next Wednesday entry.

Mochi teached me how to do math!!! It was so fun! But when Teacher Lee teaches me, it’s always boring. How did Mochi make math fun??? I wish he go to my school instead and teach me math :(

You internally cringe at your younger self. Exhaling, you press your temple in disbelief.

This whole diary of your younger self is basically gushing over this hot-choco-turned-Mochi guy as you flip through other pages. However, you stop at a certain entry.

Today… Is a very bad day. But Mochi suddenly makes it better.

Glancing at the date — it was the day your grandmother passed away.

He promises to make me cinnamon rolls whenever i tell him to! Just like Grannie… I’m sorry, Diary. I don’t think i can write more today. I just hope tomorrow will be a better day.

“Mochi…” you mumble repeatedly with furrowing brows and the name seems to trigger your brain to relive some memories.

“I’m calling you Mochi!” You hear your own twelve-year old voice. Yelping, your diary lands on the floor with a small thud.

“No!” Another voice rings in your head — familiar and warm. “That’s a really uncool nickname.”

“But you look like a mochi! And it’s not uncool! I think it’s really cute!”

Blinking, your mind brings you back to reality. Reaching down for your diary, you freeze momentarily before clutching your head. For a moment, your heart stops when your gaze lands on your diary’s open page — a drawing of a familiar shooting star.

Mochi is… Jimin?

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

[ when you were twelve ]

When another sigh escaped his lips, you glanced up from your math workbook — his face can only be described as perturbed. With no hesitance, you quietly pushed the last cookie on your plate to him, earning his glassy stare as it shifted from his notebook that’s lying open on the table.

He blinked a few times before clearing his throat. “Why didn’t you finish that? Do you want to bring it home?”

You shook your head, heat tinging your cheeks. “It’s for you. You look like you need it.”

“It’s caramel cookies.”

Nodding, you mumbled, “You said eating it can comfort people.”

The boy stared at you for a moment longer — recalling the time when you had a bad day and he gave you that, then he chuckled. “I guess I did.”

Pursing your lips, you nodded again. “I can order hot chocolate for you too.”

He reached for the last cookie, finally a small smile you have awaited appearing on his face. “This is enough, Y/N. I really appreciate it. Thanks.”

You beamed at his words, then you extended one hand to take his notebook and draw a shooting star on the page it was opened on.

“We can’t really see shooting stars in here,” you explain, pushing his notebook back to him. “So, whenever you’re having a hard time, wish on this shooting star! It represents hopes and wishes!”

“What that’s—” He stopped himself. Letting out a sigh, he found himself nodding despite how ridiculously endearing the idea was. “Alright. I will.”

The blare of your alarm jolts you awake. Groaning, you grab your phone, turning off the alarm when you realise you have to go to work. You can’t find it in yourself to see Jimin today. Not after finding out that he was, is, part of your missing childhood memories.

Your gaze lands on the diary, laying open on your window sill. As you read more and more of your diary entries, Mochi being Jimin just makes sense. You remember how he went out of his way just to buy you hot chocolate when you were having a bad day — just like in the past.

After all this time, Jimin is actually part of, no, in most of your childhood life.

And he denied it.

Why?

You continuously drift back to that one question. Why did he deny it when you asked him? Don’t people usually love to get reacquainted with their childhood friends?

Sighing, you message Jimin listlessly, telling him you aren’t feeling well before you turn off your phone completely. You don’t think you can handle interacting more with him.

Hours passed, when someone barges in your room. “Y/N!”

Peeking out from your blanket, you glare at your best friend. “What the fuck, Kook?”

“Jimin told me you aren’t feeling well. So, I came to check up on you.”

“Okay, you did. Now, go back home.”

Without responding, he opens the curtain in your room, letting in the piercing sunlight and you let out an annoyed ‘tsk’.

Should have known your best friend isn’t going to let this go easily.

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been off the whole weekend. You may be able to trick Jimin but you can’t trick me.”

Still burying yourself under your blanket, the bed dips on your friend’s weight as he waits for your response. But you keep your silence, trying your best to even your breathing. You’ve cried enough after all.

“Hmm?” Jungkook stands up. “What’s this? Your diary?”

Abruptly, you fling yourself off the bed and grab your diary from his clutches.

“Go home, Jungkook. I’m not in the mood to deal with this.”

“You know I won’t until you tell me what’s going on.”

“I’m just...” Your shoulders droop in defeat. “Why?”

“Why what?”

You hate crying in front of anyone. But it’s as if a dam broke, your tears do not stop falling while you babble, “Why did he pretend to not know me? Why did he deny? Why—”

Jungkook blinks repeatedly at your sudden change. “W-wait! Why are you crying? I don’t under—”

“Park Jimin!” Your sudden outburst flusters him further. “The guy who you’re friends with and who you recommended for me to work with! That’s who!”

“But—”

“He‘s Mochi.”

Jungkook looks dumbfounded for a moment before your words register inside his head. “M-Mochi?”

Like a petulant child, you climb on your bed once more and hide your diary beneath your pillow. “Leave me alone, Kook.”

With a defeated sigh, Jungkook trudges out of your room, leaving you once again drowning in your thoughts.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Jimin has always loved mornings, especially when he is able to quietly bake on what most people would call ungodly hours. There is something enjoyable about being fully awake during this time when no sounds of passing vehicles can distract him, making him feel at ease.

He had started appreciating the little things in life when you — who once stared up at him with curious eyes, expression lightening up when he made a cup of hot chocolate for you — taught him to.

Chuckling to himself, his mind drifts back to the time you first entered his bakery. Gods, he should have known it was you. But you were so different, he could hardly comprehend how much you had grown.

Gone was your happy-go-lucky self. He was stunned when you suddenly snapped at him. Your younger self would probably respond with a smile and drone on about how much you love cinnamon rolls. For a second, his heart had hoped. Maybe you remembered him after all these years?

Yet that hope dissipated in an instant when you merely apologised and ran out. Moreover, you didn’t return to his bakery after buying the cinnamon rolls, he thought he had screwed things up by attempting to start a conversation with you. Or maybe that person wasn’t really you. Just someone who looks a lot like you. He still had his suspicions after all.

However, his suspicions were gone the moment you introduced yourself, leaving him speechless. Jimin would be lying if he said he didn’t hope — at least for a bit — that you would remember him when he mentioned his name.

That was why the moment you appeared once more to work as a part-timer, he was ecstatic. No words can explain it.

He started to look forward to work every day — coming to his own bakery to see you even when you didn’t remember him, but he would still gladly take whatever he can to be around you.

Once he sets the tray of unbaked cinnamon rolls into the oven, his phone buzzes. As soon as he reads the text, his heart drops a little.

[ 7:08 AM ] You: Sorry, I cant come to work today. Not feeling well.

He types, ‘That’s okay. get well soon, y/n :)’

But it left undelivered. Did your phone die? He wonders.

Jimin can’t help shake the weird feeling bubbling inside. So, he messages Jungkook.

[ 7:15 AM ] Jimin: y/n isn’t feeling well today. do u mind checking up on her ???

But of course, Jungkook didn’t read the message until a few hours later. That boy enjoys gaming all night.

[ 12:03 PM ] Jungkook: what?

[ 12:03 PM ] Jungkook: for real ?? since when does she get sick? that girl has a fucking high immunity. she never even once got a cold during the semester

Jimin furrowed his brows at that.

[ 12:04 PM ] Jimin: still, go check up on her pls. she’s ur friend too

[ 12:04 PM ] Jungkook: yeah, omw

It hasn’t even been an hour later when Jungkook rushes into the bakery — earning surprised and curious glances from the customers who were chattering among themselves. “Hyung—“ he catches his breath as he stands in front of the counter. “I think you need to fix—“ Huff. “—I mean go to Y/N’s house yourself.

Jimin blinks in confusion.

“You... You’re Mochi, aren’t you?”

At the mention of that name, blood drains from Jimin’s face instantly.

She remembers...?

“How did you—”

“What matters is, you need to fix it, hyung. You’re the only one who can. She’s not herself, right now. I've known her for a few years and it takes a lot for her to react like this. So, please, you should talk about it.”

“Okay,” Jimin breathes out. “Do you mind closing the cafe once the customers are all done?”

Jungkook nods. “Yeah, just go to her, hyung. I’ll handle everything here.”

[ when you were fifteen: before the accident ]

“I wish you can teach me math all the time, Mochi,” you giggle, leaning back on the cafe chair. “Everything is easier when you explain it.”

Jimin chuckles at that. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one not paying attention in class.”

Shaking your head rapidly, you deny, “Of course I paid attention! It’s just... I don’t know… It was really boring when my teacher was teaching. He just drones on and on without stopping.”

With an amused hum, Jimin stands up. “I’ll get ready to leave. I’ll walk you home.”

After a few minutes, you head out of the cafe with Jimin behind you. Shivering against the cool night air, you draw closer to the boy. Instinctively, Jimin offers you his open hand which you accepted with no hesitance.

Little did he know, every time he does this, it makes your heart beat a little faster at the way your hand fits well in his. And you savour it.

The build up of feelings has been going on for a while now. Maybe a few months. You’ve developed a crush on him. Like, how can you not? Jimin possesses charming qualities that no one else has. Not to mention how kind and warm of a person he is.

Meetings in the cafe had you wishing they were dates instead. And you had to let him know.

And tell him you did.

He blinks at first, words sinking into him. Mochi, I think I like you. Like, really, really like you.

His cheeks are pink, you weren’t sure if it's from the cold or his embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.”

Of course. What were you expecting? He only sees you as a little sister.

“No, that’s okay,” you reply quickly, but your heart drops. “It’s just… You know, I wanted to tell you know because you’re really cool, Mochi.”

“Y/N… Listen, this is not a good time—” Abruptly, he stops, catching your wrist on his. “I want you to hide in the playground.”

“What?”

“Hide, please. I will explain everything later.”

You want to run away from him. But the pleading look on his face makes you listen.

“There he is!” You hear an unfamiliar shout.

Cursing under his breath, Jimin quickly pushes you under the slide. “Wait here.”

With your own ragged breathing, you struggle to keep yourself as quiet as possible, biting down a hiss from the sting of your scraped knees. Tears pool in your eyes as you wait, hidden behind one of the playground’s slides and out of sight of any possible passerby.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

[ Present time ]

Jimin reaches your house, his heart beating fast against his chest with a box of cinnamon rolls in hand.

You are home alone and Jungkook has left the door unlocked.

Letting himself in, Jimin glances around. Everything still looks the same as back then. He went to your house once to tutor you. And he still can remember that day clearly.

Climbing up the stairs, he reaches your room. With shaking hands, he knocks on the door.

Silence.

A moment or two passes then your door opens. Jimin braces for the anger you’d throw at him.

But nothing comes.

You merely stand there, eyes glassy as they lock on his.

“Y/N...” He mutters, torn between to reach out or not. But you leave the door open as you sit on your bed. Jimin enters your familiar room, still surprised at how it still looks the same. And his eyes fall on a notebook — the notebook you never let him read — on the table.

“Why are you here?” you ask, voice trembling.

“I wanted to check up on you—”

“Why?”

Jimin knows at once what you are asking.

He approaches you sitting on the edge of the bed. He kneels down, peering up with those chocolate eyes of his to meet your downcast stare — like those times when he wants to talk to you and you refuse to look at him.

“Do… Do you still remember me?” Your voice barely comes out as a whisper.

“Y/N…” The lack of surprise in his voice answers it. He still remembers you as you recall the once shocked expression on his face when you first introduce yourself. Now, it all made sense.

“W-Why didn’t you tell me?” A sob escapes your lips. “Do you not want me to remember—”

He shakes his head, denying it quickly. “No! Of course not. I just… I was ecstatic actually when it was you who came to work for me.”

“But why didn’t you tell me?” Voice cracking. “You knew me—”

Clearly in conflict, he sighs, “I don’t want you to remember your traumatic memories… Remembering me might cause you more pain.”

“But it didn’t. Those memories, from what I can remember there’s nothing—”

“That’s what your parents told me, Y/N.”

Eyes widening, you gape at him as tears cascade down your face.

“You were seriously injured back then. The doctor said it will be best for you to let your own memories come to you in their own time. And I had to leave this place... I came by after your operation and... I wanted to say goodbye but I was told it was best to not see you any longer to prevent anymore distress—”

“But you are important to me!” You cut him off. Then turning quieter, “You are important to me…”  You say between sobs.

Covering your eyes with your hand, you whimper when Jimin engulfs you in a hug. “I’m sorry…” He murmurs, caressing your head. “I’m so sorry…”

His heart breaks at your current state, tightening his hold on you, who’s crying into his chest. Years of buried regret and longing resurface. He had envisioned many times on how you would remember him. But he fails to realise how much it can hurt you when your memories return. If only he can turn back time, he will take that chance to save you from the misery of your memory loss.

Yet, all he can do now is to hold you close, begging you for forgiveness and hope that you’d let him stay by your side.

“So, let me get this straight, you—” Jungkook points his straw at you. “—and Jimin hyung were childhood friends—” He pierces the plastic cover of his milk tea. “—and he used to tutor you in a cafe.”

Nodding, you purse your lips and enjoy your own drink.

You had taken a few days off after the reconciliation to collect your thoughts and confront your parents about what had happened. They have come into terms with their protectiveness of you staying out very late. And you have managed to convince them to let you stay out late as long as you let them know.

You were planning to stay in bed all day if it wasn’t for Jungkook who barged into your room like he owns the place, after he claimed that Jimin lets him off from work early — which you doubt honestly, it’s more of Jungkook escaping from work — and decided to drag you to the nearest milk tea shop.

“Is something weird?” you blurt out.

“Did you by any chance, I don’t know...” Jungkook mutters. “Have feelings for each other?”

You nearly choke on your tapioca pearl and rapidly you shake your head. “No! That’s—”

Jungkook narrows his stare at you, sipping his drink as you continue to blabber, “I mean, I knew him since I was like, what? Twelve? He never sees me that way.”

“Maybe he didn’t back then.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean both of you are adults now. Aren’t things different?”

You snort at his words. “He always sees the little girl in me, Jungkook. So, please, don’t make things weird, alright? I can literally see your head gearing.”

Jungkook lets out a sigh. “Alright, if you say so. But how about you?”

Sipping your drink, you lift a brow at him.

“Do you like him?”

“Of course, I do.”

“I meant like, like him.”

“Kookie, what are you? Five?”

He snorts at your response. “Five heads taller than you—” Your glare shuts him up. “Okay, but do you see him as someone special?”

An exasperated sigh escapes your lips. “Why are we discussing this? We’re just friends. Who coincidentally are childhood friends as well.”

“You sure?”

Pinching the bridge of your nose, you sigh once more. “What are you expecting me to say?”

“What do you think of him?”

Almost at once, the words flow easily out of your mouth. “He’s a caring person and he knows how to comfort someone when they’re having a bad day.”

“You mean, he knows how to comfort you when you’re having a bad day yourself,” Jungkook chuckles.

You blink at that.

“Look, I’m not implying anything but he was worried as hell when I told him about you the other day. Even nearly left his bakery without supervision. That’s when yours truly—” He points at himself. “—came in.”

And the question that swims in the back of your mind disappears. “So, it is you, you overgrown rabbit. You told him about me—”

“Well, you can’t blame me. You should be thanking me instead. It’s because of me you both finally reconciled. Admit it, you’re happy — happier, in fact.”

And you can’t deny it. Jungkook has been one of those people who’d look out for you. Yes, even when he can be a pain in the ass sometimes, or just loves to hear the “piping hot” tea of what’s happening in your life.

Sighing in defeat, you murmur, “Even if I do like him...” You shake your head. “No, it shouldn’t even matter in the first place.”

Noticing your shuttering expression, Jungkook thankfully does not press the subject further. Nor does he question why. And you are grateful for him.

“Interesting. So, you do like him.”

Scratch that, your best friend is still a pain in the ass.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Standing in front of the bakery cafe, you released a deep breath.

Through the glass door, Jungkook is helping out at the cashier counter, serving beverages and desserts to dine-in customers. However, Jimin is nowhere in sight.

Releasing a deep breath, the bell of the door rings which signals your entrance. Jungkook notices you at once before he points to the kitchen.

You rush inside — stopping abruptly a few steps away from him — now, regarding the man differently. He was the boy who has been your comfort for so many occasions after all.

Jimin is icing cupcakes, his eyes focusing on his task and you can’t help but smile at the sight.

With your memories — of kindness, warmth, and friendship — now fully returned, you remember how you were always enamoured watching Jimin work. You’d watch him make drinks in the cafe when you had no homework to do. You’d sit at the bar, munching on cookies-of-the-day as your eyes followed Jimin’s movements.

A few moments pass, Jimin’s gaze shifts to you briefly and double-takes. He curses under his breath, cupcake slipping from his grip — icing spilling on the marble counter. “Hey, you’re back—” He quickly grabs a cloth and wipes off the cream before he turns to face you properly, grinning from ear-to-ear. “—you didn’t tell me you’re coming in today.”

He opens his arms and your legs move of its own accord, following your instinct as you close the distance between you and him — wrapping your arms around his waist.

You weren’t surprised at how your younger self used to have a big fat crush on him. He was and always will still be your Mochi. The guy who treated you to your favourite sweets, who knows how you like your caramel macchiato the best, and who never fails to put butterflies in your stomach.

Breathing his sweet scent, you remember the time you’d ask him for hugs whenever you were down and your younger self had even claimed once that his hugs were magical as it was written in your diary. To quote it, “Mochi gives the BEST BEST hugs in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD”.

“Your hugs…” you mumble, eyes closed. “They’re still the best…”

Jimin merely tightens his hold on you. That is until a force — appearing in the form of Jeon Jungkook — shatters the serene atmosphere, bringing you back to reality. “Hyung! Oh—”

Abruptly, you both pull away from each other. Jungkook stands awkwardly, shifting his weight from one leg to another.

“What is it?” Jimin breaks the silence, composed as ever.

“Uh, need more cupcakes. The ones on the display are finished…”

“Right,” Jimin turns to you. “Y/N, can you help me ice the rest of the cupcakes?”

Nodding, you turn to the employee’s room, putting your things in the locker and grabbing an apron.

Hugging Jimin seems so natural that you fail to consider how weird it looks to the people around you. Jungkook’s awkward silence proves that.

Your thoughts are swimming in confusion. And once again those butterflies appear in your stomach. Fanning your heated cheeks with your hands, you take a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm your racing heart.

Your childhood crush is gone. You’re just happy to have Mochi back in your life. That’s all. That should be all.

One afternoon, you mindlessly clean up the kitchen. Due to the public holiday, the bakery is closing earlier, and your thoughts have drifted back to the past.

You remember the night of the incident when Jimin walked you home after he had lost those men who chased after him. He stopped you for a moment, breaking the silence. “You okay?” Warm concern lacing his tone.

Jaw clenching, you mumbled. “Just a scratch.” Reluctant to give him any longer response.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have shoved you harshly before.” He crouched, inspecting your knees before he peered up to meet your stare.

“It’s fine.”

When you were just a few blocks away from home, Jimin broke the silence. “Listen Y/N—” His footsteps faltered as he reached to touch your shoulder. “—about earlier, I think you shouldn’t have feelings for me, I—”

Abruptly, you pulled your hand away from his, hurt consuming you. “I shouldn’t have feelings for you?”

You wished Jimin had forgotten your spontaneous confession as he nodded, hesitantly.

“Well, I can’t control my feelings. So, just let it be. It’ll be fine.” You glanced at him before walking faster.

The rest of the trip home was tense, full of unanswered questions. Who were those men? Why did they chase after Jimin? Is it really that bad to have feelings for him? Who gave him the right to dictate your feelings?

You felt so childish back then. Recalling the memories makes you cringe at your younger self for overreacting. But you suppose it’s normal for a fifteen year-old girl. And you were able to sense that Jimin wanted to ease the tense atmosphere. But you were too hurt to even give him a chance. You needed time to process what happened that day.

However, one minute Jimin had stopped you again, desperate to appease you. And the next minute, someone ran towards him with a bat in hand. It’s as if time slowed down, you moved before a harsh impact landed on you.

Your mind brings you back to reality, and instinctively you touch the part where your head was struck with your free hand.

“Y/N? Are you done cleaning up?”

Jimin’s voice startles you and you nearly drop the mop’s handle from your grasp.

“Yes,” you manage to say. And somehow you can’t look at him in the eye.

“What’s wrong?” Out of instinct, he cups your face to look at you in the eye. And hell, your heartbeat gradually increases as you can smell the sweet scent of bread from him along with a tinge of his cinnamon scent.

Mind blanking out at the close proximity, the only intelligible response you can say is, uhhh. Your grip on the mop handle tightens as your palm grows clammy.

He’s gorgeous. That’s one thing for sure.

“Hey, why are you blushing?”

Blinking rapidly, you watch his eyes turn into those crescent moons and a giggle escapes his lips as he pulls away, grabbing the mop from your hold.

“I’ll put this back. You nearly snapped it in half, you know.”

“Yeah,” you nod, mind whirling and you blabber the first thing in your mind. “I have a pet fish.”

“Huh?”

Realising how random you sounded, you clear your throat. “I just remember I had to come home early today, since Mr. Goldy is waiting for me.”

“Ooh, that’s—”

But you’ve run for the lockers, quickly changing out of your work attire.

“Thanks for today, Mochi. See you tomorrow!” You say and run out of the bakery without sparing him another glance.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

“What are you exactly doing here?”

Unflinching, you answer your best friend monotonously, “Buying a fish.”

“You don’t have a tank at home.”

“Exactly, that’s why I’m looking for one now.”

“But why?”

“Why not?”

Jungkook lets out a sigh. “You’ve been acting weird all week, Y/N.”

You ignore his words, eyes scanning through the fishes of different colours and kinds.

“Oh! These ones are pretty.” Jungkook comments, earning your attention.

“Excuse me?” You call one of the workers there. “I was wondering if this fish is suitable for beginners.”

The worker nods, smiling. “Yes, these are what we call the Betta fish. Their scales are beautiful and they are also easy to take care of. Would you like to purchase them?”

You respond with a brief ‘yes’.

“Now, all you need is a tank,” Jungkook says.

“We provide delivery services for the tank. I’d recommend buying this one.” The worker points at one of the tanks. “In the meantime, you can purchase the fishbowl for now.”

And with that you have a new pet fish and a brand new fish bowl in hand — specifically Jungkook’s, because you gotta put those muscles into good use — and you head back home. On the way back, Jungkook suddenly clears his throat. “So… What’s up with you?”

“What?”

“Let me summarise what just happened,” he says. “I had the day off today, and suddenly you called me to meet you in a fish store, and you have been acting all weird and somehow out of all the nice shades of blue fishes in the tank, you chose the ugly yellow—”

You kick his shin in retaliation. “It’s not yellow, it’s gold, dumbass. How dare you say that in front of Lady Goldilocks.”

“Oh, wow, now it even has a name.” Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I seriously can’t believe you chose this one out of all the other colours. It reminds me of Jimin hyung—” And he gapes at you. “No way. Is it because he likes this colour?”

You blink in realisation. Jimin does like this colour.

“Okay, ‘fess up. What’s up with you?”

You let out a defeated sigh. “I like him.”

Jungkook looks unamused.

“I mean like, like him. And I need to get over him.”

Jungkook furrows his brows. “Why would Hyung want that?””

“I shouldn’t like him, Kook. He told me once and, I don’t know, I just can’t control my feelings. I don’t want to lose him again and I’m scared that he’ll be gone if he knows—”

“Wait, wait, wait—” Jungkook grasps your shoulder with his free hand. “—I can understand what you’re feeling, Y/N. How about let me prove to you that Jimin won’t be gone even when you have feelings for him?”

“I swear, Jeon Jungkook, if you utter a single word about this conversation—”

“No!” He denies repeatedly. “I won’t. Promise. I can prove it to you another way. Don’t worry.”

“Okay, then. How?”

“I have a plan. To take the title as your number one best friend once and for all—”

“Who says you are even at the top?”

“Aren’t I? You told me once.” Jungkook fishes his phone out of his jacket, taps a few times on his screen before he shows you a video of your drunk self a few months ago after exam week.

“Kookieee, I think you’re my number one best friend! So proud to have someone like you in my life—”

You try to reach for his phone, cheeks burning in embarrassment, as you shoot him the nastiest glare you can muster. However, Jungkook being Jungkook merely cackles at that. Your voice from the video still continues, “—you’re like Mochi—” Your present self tenses at that.

“Who’s Mochi?” Jungkook asked curiously in the video.

“Shhhhh… We don’t speak of that name here, m���kay? Mochi is gone. So you are best friend number one!”

Jungkook stops the video, tucking his phone back to his pocket. “I asked you once who Mochi was when you were sober. But you didn’t remember back then. So I never asked again until you mentioned the name ‘Mochi’ once more a few days ago.”

Gaping, you stop walking as the stunned silence falls over you.

“I think your subconscious had always known about him. And it shows how special he is to you.” When you’re about to deny that, Jungkook shushes you. “Don’t try to deny, Y/N. Even before you knew he was Mochi you already liked him.”

“I hate that you’re starting to look like a rooster. Were you always this cocky?”

Your best friend merely shrugs. “So, here’s the plan. As I was saying, with my ‘number one best friend’ title under threat, we’re going to demote Jimin as your boyfriend! It’s a win-win situation!”

“What? I never even asked for him to be my boyfriend but wait— Don’t you mean promote?”

“Y/N, as much as I love your dumb ass, you tend to be quite demanding with people. Hopefully, he knows how to handle your present self.”

“Jeon Jungkook, please don’t make me regret this.”

A few days after the conversation with Jungkook, the boy gets to work as fast as possible, and by work, it means work to get on Jimin’s nerves instead of actually being helpful in the cafe.

Jungkook has become noticeably clingy, or overall, just more touchy with you. It’s not like it’s anything new in all honesty. Throughout college, the relationship between the both of you is purely platonic. Your other college friends knew this and seeing the both of you cuddle wouldn’t be a strange sight. Jimin, however, isn’t one of your college friends and Jungkook seems to have taken advantage of this. Thus, he begins to work in the bakery almost every day, claiming just to see you.

At first Jimin showed no reaction since Jungkook is a good friend of his. But he has grown visibly irritated lately while Jungkook revels in pressing the older one’s buttons further.

“Jungkook…”

“Hmm?”

“Can you please stop invading my personal space?”

“But it’s not going to work if I don’t— Oof!” You shove him away before going back to your task — placing the cupcakes on the display tray — annoyance building up at Jungkook’s disruptions.

“I’m going to file a restraining order on you at this rate.”

He huffs, moving towards you once more. “Don’t you want to prove that Jimin is going to be pissed if he sees me being affectionate to you?”

You shake your head. “I just want to work in peace.”

“Hmph. You’re no fun.”

“Cuz you’re the one not working.”

“Hey, I’m helping here voluntarily.”

You ignore his words, focusing on your task while Jungkook starts whining for you to give him attention. “Kook, I fucking swear if you don’t get your hands off—”

Jimin’s voice rings “Y/N, are the cupcakes...” He trails as soon as he enters the kitchen, freezing at the sight of Jungkook wrapping his arms around your waist, snuggling his dumb head on the crook of your neck.

“He’s going to rage,” Jungkook whispers, laughing softly.

“Uh, Jungkook can I talk to you?” Jimin asks, eyes noticeably narrowing as his tone tenses.

“Finally,” Jungkook mutters under his breath, before he lets go of you and faces Jimin. “Sure, Hyung.”

You take that cue to leave, bringing the freshly iced cupcakes to the display counter, leaving Jungkook and Jimin alone in the kitchen.

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

“What’s been going on with you lately? You come here to work everyday but all I can see is you busy flirting with Y/N.” Jimin throws the younger one an unamused glare.

Jungkook answers easily, “I do my job, Hyung. And so what if I do flirt with Y/N?”

“You can’t,” Jimin blurts out, earning a questioning look from Jungkook. “You just can’t.”

“Why can’t I?”

“Do you like Y/N?”

“Of course, she’s my best friend.”

Jimin shoots Jungkook another unamused look at his answer.

“I’m going to tell her how I feel in three days,” Jungkook continues.

Jimin’s stomach drops at that statement. However, at the same time the urge to let you know how he truly feels increases. But the thought of the impending rejection after hurting you and causing your memory loss makes him think twice.

Maybe Jungkook deserves you more than him — he can protect and support you while Jimin has failed.

With a shaky breath, Jimin mutters, “Take care of her, alright?”

Obviously, his response catches Jungkook off guard. “What?”

“Take good care of Y/N, JK. I’m seriously counting on you.”

“Wait—“ Jungkook looks downright flustered at the unexpected response. “Hyung, wait.”

“What?” Now it’s Jimin’s turn to be confused.

Jungkook clears his throat. “Just give me an honest answer, hyung. No lies.”

A pause.

“Do you like Y/N? As in more than friends?”

Jimin nods without hesitance.

Jungkook mumbles something under his breath that Jimin is sure it sounds like, freaking idiots.

“Go tell her how you feel, Hyung. And tell her as soon as possible.”

“But you—”

“It’s to push you to confess to her. I don’t see Y/N that way.” Jungkook sighs. “Honestly, what would the both of you be without me?”

Jimin stands in the kitchen, speechless, as Jungkook continues to ramble how significant his role is in between your relationship and how you and Jimin owe him so much.

“So, yes, go tell her how you feel, hyung. She’ll listen to whatever you’ll say.”

With a newfound resolve, hope sparks in Jimin’s heart. “I will.”

To say that Jimin is nervous would be an understatement. He had barely slept a wink last night, thinking of all the words and how he would explain why he had left so suddenly and confess his feelings to you. Jungkook has been a supportive friend, even if he does push Jimin’s buttons along the way. However, Jimin knows that it was his own way of showing encouragement.

You are cleaning the rest of the tables of the cafe and Jimin can’t take his eyes off you, staring at you through the small window opening between the kitchen and the counter area.

“Are we done for today, Mochi?” Your voice snaps him out of his daydream.

“Yeah!” Jimin continues to wipe the kitchen counter quickly, replying almost too enthusiastically before he clears his throat. “Do you have plans tonight, Y/N?”

You enter the kitchen and once again Jimin’s heartbeat rises. “Nope. I’m going straight back home after this. Lady Goldilocks is waiting for me.”

Lady Goldilocks. Jimin chuckles at the mention of your fish’s name. He wonders if one day he’s able to see the pet fish for himself. He had asked what happened to Mr Goldy and you had become flustered at that since you didn’t know the fish was female. So, now, you have changed the fish’s name. Yet, somehow Jimin got an inkling that there is more to the story. He had asked Jungkook — to which the boy had valiantly refused to utter a word about it and had babbled, “Huh? Fish? What fish? Is that for dinner?”

Once the both of you finished closing up the bakery cafe, Jimin taps on your shoulder before you had the chance to go back home.

“May I walk you home?”

You blink, processing his words then nodding rapidly. “S-Sure.”

Jimin smiles warmly at you. It’s easy in fact. Just being in your presence always brings happiness into his heart. You had grown into an amazing person and even more attractive.

Something about you had always captivated Jimin since the first time you met him in the cafe where he used to do his part time work. Your curious eyes were always following him as he took the customers’ orders and honestly, it was very endearing.

Comfortable silence falls upon you both, walking through the asphalt pathway and naturally, Jimin opens his palms, extending it towards you.

You stare at that for a moment and clasp his hand with yours. Jimin weaves your fingers together, bringing you closer to him as you continue to walk back home.

“Do you mind if we take a little detour?”

You nod at his words.

Once Jimin reaches the destination, he can sense your eyes glance curiously at the empty hill. He pulls you up onto the top of the hill, sitting down on the grass while he pats the space next to him and you follow suit.

“Look up,” Jimin whispers, and you did.

A quiet gasp escapes your lips at the sight of twinkling stars that scatters across the dark sky.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?” Jimin voices out. “Someone made me realise how beautiful the stars are…” He falters. “A-And she had never left my mind all those years. One of my deepest regrets is that I wasn’t able to say goodbye when I had to leave.”

You hear his words, yet you stay silent — an encouragement for him to continue to speak what’s on his mind.

“My family was in a difficult financial position back then and my dad had done things I wasn’t proud of…” Jimin’s eyes turn glassy and faraway, even when he sets his gaze up. “And one of them is that he had made a deal with loan sharks without the guarantee of paying them back… And of course, they were angry.”

He pauses, taking a deep breath.

“I once thought that probably I could still stay here back then. Even more so when I met you. But I was wrong. Those men started to chase after me and because of that, you—” He shudders. “—got injured. And that night my parents had made plans to leave without me and my brother knowing.”

He turns to look at you. “I never got to apologise to you for causing that. I should be the one to protect you but… I failed. For that, I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

“Jimin…” You say softly. “It’s not your fault. I was the one who jumped in front of you when the man came after you. It’s my own choice because you are special to me.”

“But I could have—”

You shush him with a pointer finger in front of his lips for a few moments. “You don’t have to be sorry anymore, Mochi. It’s not your fault. And what matters now is to focus on the present and look to the future, right?”

He nods, emotions swimming inside his chocolate eyes. “I’m sorry.”

“I thought—”

“For telling you that you shouldn’t have feelings for me.”

And you lapse into silence. He remembers…?

“I hate that that has hurt you. I shouldn’t have said that. But I was happy but desperate too since my family—”

“Jimin.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“What do you see me as, now?”

He blinks. All the practiced words on how he would tell you his feelings dissipate from his mind as he blankly stares at you. “I… I like you.” His voice grows quieter. “More than friends…”

“And if I said you shouldn’t have feelings for me?”

A flash of hurt crosses his eyes briefly. But he answers, nonetheless, “I would do what you want.”

“So, you reciprocate my feelings now?”

“H-huh?”

“I like you too. More than friends. In fact, I think my feelings have grown for you ever since I found out you’re Mochi.”

It takes a few moments for Jimin to process your words. He gapes, mouth opening and closing.

“You are resembling Lady Goldilocks right now.”

“What?”

Your cheeks flush. “Lady Goldilocks is a Betta fish. She was the golden one in a tank full of her blue siblings. Jungkook tried persuading me to choose the blue ones since they were more attractive to look at. But all I could see is the gold one since it reminded me of you.”

“I like golden colours…” Jimin mumbles in realisation.

“Exactly,” you let out a sheepish laugh, eyes turning to look back up into the sky. Before Jimin can respond, your eyes brighten up. “Look! A shooting star!”

Jimin snaps his gaze up as well.

“Hurry, make a wish!” You then close your eyes, smiling from ear-to-ear. Jimin follows suit, making his own wish.

As soon as you both finish making your wishes, you turn to face him once more.

“Are you still sorry for saying that to me?”

Jimin nods, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. Hell, he thinks he would always regret hurting you that time.

“I know how you can make it up to me then.”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

“W-What?” He splutters.

“Unless you don’t want—“ Yet, your words die on your throat as Jimin moves closer to you, eliminating the distance between you both as he cups your face just like that time in the bakery.

Without another word, he leans down, pressing his lips on yours softly while you place your hands on top of his before he presses further, brows furrowing as he kisses you fervently. For the time being, all that matters is just you and him. He caresses your cheeks and you run your hands down to wrap around his waist until you can feel his heart beating against his chest.

After pulling away — both of you catching your breaths — Jimin presses his forehead against yours, running his thumb over your lips while you were unable to open your eyes for a few moments at the burst of emotions that is coursing through you.

“I’ve imagined this moment so many times,” he admits. “My wish finally came true.” And you smile at that.

“My wish also came true because of you, Mochi...”

✧༺♡༻∞　　∞༺♡༻✧

Sitting on one of the tables, your eyes can’t take themselves off Jimin as he serves customers. Today is your day off and you decided to pay him a visit in the bakery.

“You’re drooling.”

Your gaze snaps up to your best friend who sits across you after placing a cinnamon roll on the table for you. Jungkook continues, “I swear I’m going to vomit one of these days if I see you or Jimin hyung throwing each other— what was that called? It’s an old term— Oh! Goo-goo eyes one more time.”

“Shut up, Jeon. I’m not.” You reach for the roll, taking a bite.

He rolls his eyes. “Yeah right, you basically either stare at him like he placed stars in the sky or like you want to tear off his clothes—”

You choke on the roll, quickly reaching for your glass of water before you throw your napkin at his face. Jungkook cackles at that before he resumes his act, sighing. “This is a mistake. I shouldn’t have intervened. I didn’t know you’d be like this. My best friend is so uncool now.”

“Y/N is what?” You perk up at Jimin’s voice.

“Whipped,” Jungkook mutters before he takes his cue to leave. He stands up, passing by Jimin after shooting the older one a teasing glance.

Jimin sits across from you, and he instinctively reaches for your hand on the table. “How was your day?” And you swear you can hear Jungkook making a gagging sound amidst the chatter of the customers.

“Good. I finished my chores at home earlier today. So, I thought I would come visit.”

Minutes pass by quickly as you chatter with Jimin. He had almost forgotten to go back to work until Jungkook reminded him. When it is time to close up the bakery, you watch him wash the remaining mixing bowls while perching on one of the cleaned counters of the kitchen.

“You know, I could use some help,” Jimin teases, drying his hands on his apron.

A smile curls up on the corner of your lips, eyes following his movements — drawing closer to where you are. “Well, I think you got it all handled, Mochi.”

Once he reaches you, he pulls you to wrap your legs around his waist while your arms rest on his shoulders — encircling around his neck. You both stare at each other and he pushes a strand of stray hair away from your face, tucking it behind an ear while his other hand settles on your waist.

“Sometimes, I still can’t believe that you’re really here with me,” You admit. “Just like a sweet dream.”

Jimin shakes his head. “It’s not, Y/N...” He leans to give you a chaste kiss. “... we’ll make up for the lost time we didn’t spend together.”

“Promise?”

He softly smiles at you. “Promise.”

author’s note: this was originally intended to be posted on jimin’s birthday but well i decided to add more stuff in it. thus, i am late alskflsdda so yes, i hope you guys enjoy this fic and feedbacks are always appreciated !! thank you for reading ♡

[forasecondtherewedwon]

They’re Sayin’ (You’re Gonna Be My Man)

Fandom: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Pairing: Sam Wilson/Bucky Barnes Rating: T Word Count: 2217

Summary: Sam calls Bucky too soon after he's left Louisiana, looking for advice he doesn’t really need and getting a conversation he didn’t really expect.

Sam’s supposed to wait until news of the Flag-Smashers’ movements comes down the line to get in touch with Bucky. He doesn’t. It’s sooner. It’s almost right away.

He’s sure Bucky’s gotta be out of the state, but he doesn’t know whether he’s made it back to this alleged apartment in Brooklyn (on some level, Sam’s aware that he keeps making jokes about the conspiracy of the apartment’s existence because it’s his way of daring Bucky to invite him over sometime). When he calls Bucky up, he knows he might catch him on a plane, in a cab, with a buzz of voices around him as he scowls at strangers in an airport or stomps down a sidewalk. But, other than Bucky’s voice on the other end, Sam just hears quiet, so he figures the guy made it home.

“You never told me if you had any tips,” Sam accuses straight off.

Shifting his feet, he tamps down more of the grass he’s been practicing on, squinting when sweat rolls into his eye. He just finished a brisk mile with the shield on his arm, getting used to the weight and the bulk of it, and he’s ready to start throwing again.

“Tips for what?” Bucky asks. “Fixing the boat? General life stuff? I know we had a good talk, but I think I take advice better than I give it.”

“Which is not saying much,” Sam points out with a laugh. “You suck at taking advice.”

“Until recently.”

“Until recently,” Sam allows. He takes a deep breath and leans over to the side, stretching from his run and tapping his hand on the Vibranium disc currently propped against his leg. “Nah, man, for the shield. How to throw it, how to catch it, how to pull off some of Steve’s fuckin’ boomerang tricks.”

“I thought you were gettin’ the hang of it,” Bucky says in his ear.

“I am. I just realized that, when I had you here, you did a lot of standing around and catching the shield on that cyborg arm of yours. Not a lot of active advice-giving.”

“You really want me telling you how to do your job?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, nobody said that. I am simply aware of the fact that you’re one of very few people alive who’ve handled this thing, and maybe the only one who did it with any actual competence.”

“The level of flattery is astounding,” Bucky says dryly.

“You want more, you gotta help me out,” Sam jokes back.

“Well, show me what you’re doin’.”

Sam glances around himself. Flat lawn. Waning daylight. Tall trees wrapped in the pads he’s been ricocheting the shield off of. No place good to prop his phone.

“I gotta get somebody to film me,” he realizes. “Lemme call you back.”

“Everybody’s gonna be filming you with the shield pretty soon. Only question is whether you’re doing something impressive in news footage or looking like a jackass in some kind of Avengers’ Greatest Fuckups reel.”

“Shut the hell up. I thought we were gettin’ along now.”

“Just trying to be motivational. Am I not doing it right?”

“I think you better look up the word ‘motivational’ in the dictionary while you wait for my call,” Sam suggests.

He disconnects and hangs his head, shaking it even as he smiles.

His legs are screaming for a thorough, post-workout stretch and maybe some ice on his shins—they’ve been taking the brunt every time he digs his feet into the ground and braces to snatch the returning shield from the air—but what’s another quarter mile? Sam runs to Sarah’s, arms pumping, stride a little different now that he has to accommodate the shape of the shield.

When he gets there, the boys are playing soccer on the lawn and he calls through the screen window to the kitchen to get his sister’s ok to borrow them as his training assistants. They get even more excited by the bestowing of this title and its implied responsibility than by the sight of the shield. That’s pretty incredible. Sarah caves to a temporary borrowing (supper’s almost ready) and they’re off.

On the way back, Sam lets AJ carry the shield. Seems like a nice break for himself until Cass requests a piggyback.

“Alright,” Sam agrees with a sigh, crouching in front of his nephew. “Hop on.”

Captain America’s benevolence is limitless. At least, it is this evening. When his back’s killing him tomorrow from absorbing the shock of a hundred shield throws, he will not be so easily persuaded into giving piggybacks.

In the clearing, Sam pulls his phone from the zipped pocket of his shorts and videocalls Bucky, who picks up on the first ring. His face is too close to the camera, but it’s good to see those blue eyes and the crinkles that are either there because he’s smiling in greeting or he’s confused about how a videocall works. In a few seconds, Bucky figures out for himself that he needs to hold the phone farther away. It makes Sam miss him. Also makes him a little worried because he can see the blank, white wall of Bucky’s apartment around his head. No paint, no art. Sam can’t even hear a TV or anything in the background.

“You’re not busy,” he observes.

“Not really, no,” Bucky admits.

“You coulda stayed here longer.”

“Nah, you needed time with everything, not me constantly looking over your shoulder. Shield’s yours now, Sam. I’m gonna be at your side, but you and the shield… I got no say in what that relationship is. I understand that now and I’m trying to respect it.”

“So when you’re actually doing the right thing, let you back off?”

“That’s right,” Bucky agrees.

“I’ll try to remember in case it ever happens again.”

Before Bucky can defend himself against Sam’s teasing jab, Sam passes the phone to AJ, camera turned so Bucky will still be focused on him when he starts throwing the shield again.

“Got you propped up on my human tripod,” he informs Bucky, reaching above the phone to playfully shove the side of AJ’s head. “So watch your mouth.”

“Can I say hi?”

“Don’t be a smartass,” Sam warns.

And, of course, Bucky eggs the kids into a long ooooh, like they’ve caught him breaking his own rule. Which they have. But Bucky was being a smartass and the opportunity to let him know is not something Sam likes to pass up.

He’s stretching now—maybe for himself, maybe for the camera pointed his way—gripping his ankles in turn and holding his heels to his ass until he feels the pull in his thighs. Bucky’s not wrong about having this time to himself. Just him and this legendary object that’s feeling more right on his arm every time he slips it through the straps. Still, he misses what they had going the last two days. Not him and the shield, but him and Bucky. Having him here like that… It was different from every other experience Sam’s had with him. Bucky was still, in turns, a grouch and a showoff and a staring machine and a shithead (flirting with Sarah, come ON), but he was also more convincingly a person than Sam’s had the pleasure of seeing him before. At ease and multi-faceted by nature instead of the necessity of adapting in the face of a threat.

Bucky smiled.

They didn’t always bicker.

He looked damn good in the morning when they leaned against the kitchen counter, not talking, sipping their coffee.

Sam wants those minutes back so bad. Living with Bucky here was incomparable to living with him overseas. Lotta reasons for that, including not having to share the space with Baron Zemo. Mostly because this is home and Sam liked pretending, while Sarah did some well-deserved sleeping in and the boys got the hems of their pajama pants wet in the dew in the backyard, that it was real. That this breath between their fights (no longer with each other) could last and that this is where they’d hold it. It could be their kitchen, their mugs, their tousled sheets Bucky’d climbed out of, looking all rumpled and lovely and shit.

But Bucky doesn’t know what Sam pretends and Sam sure as hell isn’t going to tell him. He’s just going to keep faithful to their usual dynamic, trying for less glaring. Not a word to unsettle things, as much as he’s curious how they might handle things being unsettled. As much as his mind plays back the blinding glint off the water as they rolled up their sleeves and went to work together in a way more meaningful, more personal, than they ever have before. Plays it back all the time.

No. Quiet. Sam needs to figure himself out first and knows Bucky’s working on doing the same. Maybe sometime—but probably never—they can see how those selves overlap. All they need to make fly right now is being Captain America and… what’d that moron call himself? The White Wolf? Son of a biscuit…

“Let me see him!” Cass says excitedly, recapturing Sam’s focus.

It’s his brother he’s talking to and Sam watches fondly as AJ turns the phone to show Bucky a grinning Cass, being careful to keep it steady. Pretty damn sweet. Cass even waves while Sam stands there, watching and doing shoulder rolls.

“Hi, Uncle Bucky!”

Sam feels like he just whipped the shield out and caught the return in his stomach. He strides over to the boys and AJ passes the phone back without being asked. He’s stifling giggles despite or because he senses that his little brother shouldn’t have said that.

“One minute,” Sam tells Bucky, hardly glancing at him because he just can’t. He tilts the camera towards the ground and raises expectant eyebrows at his grinning nephews. “Did somebody tell you to call him that?”

In unison, the boys go, “No, Uncle Sam,” which is suspiciously adorable. But they aren’t liars.

“Did you hear somebody call him that?”

AJ and Cass glance at each other and that’s enough for Sam. They won’t answer, so he knows it’s Sarah who’s made this joke, put this idea in the kids’ heads. They won’t give her up though, because they’re Wilsons and they’re loyal to their mother.

Sam turns the camera back on himself, unprepared for the upward tick at the corner of Bucky’s lips that make them even harder to look away from than usual.

“My sister must’ve—”

“I know,” Bucky interrupts.

“You know?”

“Yeah. Sarah called me that to my face.”

“She did what?”

Sarah having her joke is one thing, but saying it to Bucky takes things a little far, in Sam’s opinion. Bucky could think Sarah’s serious. He could think she’s saying that because Sam’s said something to her. Something about coffee and bedsheets and the sweet ache he felt in his chest when he saw Bucky’s smile in the golden light of dawn.

“Last night, before she put the boys to bed. You were in the shower, I think.” Bucky reaches up absentmindedly to run a hand over the top of his head; the flex of his bicep in the long-sleeved shirt he’s wearing and waiting for the end of this recollection are both torture for Sam. “They wanted to hang out with me, but Sarah said, ‘Uncle Bucky’s gotta get some sleep. You’ll see him tomorrow.’ Something like that.”

Now, when Sam’s truly learning the meaning of flabbergasted, Bucky’s mouth cracks into a wide, self-satisfied smile.

“You made that up,” Sam guesses helplessly.

“Nope.”

Sam knows that, with his nephews’ inability to lie and Sarah’s lifelong history of messing with him as evidence, but it would’ve been a convenient escape from the reality of his sister (and possibly the boys too) addressing Bucky as if he and Sam are together.

“Tell me you told my sister to drop the ‘Uncle.’”

Another thing Sam knows: that Bucky didn’t do that. Bucky seems happy to prove his fears correct; he shrugs.

“Sounded kinda nice,” Bucky defends. That makes Sam soften. He knows Bucky doesn’t have any living family, that he’s been struggling to allow himself to make friends. Maybe he just likes being told he belongs to them and that Sarah’s joke makes it effortless for him. Then, Bucky adds, “Pass me back to my nephews.”

Sam points a warning finger at him.

“Watch it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” The crease between Bucky’s eyebrows deepens as Sam watches the pain in the ass pretend to be stern with him. “Just throw the damn shield. I thought you asked for my help.”

“I did.”

Releasing a cautious sigh, Sam hands the phone to AJ once more. The boy’s got his silliness under control and he accepts the job solemnly.

Sam’s two steps away, hefting the shield onto his arm, when he hears Bucky shout, “And my hand in marriage!”

The boys’ laughter has them rolling on the cool grass, the phone clutched in AJ’s grip, and by the time Sam wrestles it away from his nephew, the camera’s swung all over the place. Showing Bucky the sky, the dirt, some quality footage up AJ’s nose, and probably—almost definitely—the way his words made Sam smile.

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Pairings: None

Word Count: 1,544 Words

Summary: Twin trouble and the bakusquad plans to take Touya out shopping.

Warnings: Child Abuse Mention, Death Mention, Homophobia Mentions, Cursing, Injury Mention, Immunocompromised Character, let me know if I should tag anything else.

Notes: Touya’s clothes include links to what they look like.

Hair Dye Buddies: Chapter 3

Learning the basics with his new quirk took to him instantly as he used ways he'd used to watch their father train Shoto with his quirks. The snow felt so calm under his fingertips, the naturality of it far better than the fire that he was born with.

By the end of the class, several snowmen and snow angels had been made and he was very proud with his quick advancement. Everyone seemed happy with his quirk and it made him so eager to please them.

"Tomorrow's training will be more fighting with quirks. I need to get you all ready for the upcoming licensing exam." Aizawa told them on their walk back to class. "Yes, you will be included, Touya. I've spoken to Nezu and all you'll need to do is catch yourself up in your studies and your quirk training, which should be no problem given you take to things so easily. Though yours would be temporary." Aizawa told him.

"This doesn't mean you all will be hurrying to spar with each other tonight, I will put you in detention if you do. Touya, you're allowed to tinker around with your quirk under teacher supervision if you want since, even if you've taken hold of it quickly, it's still brand new to you." Aizawa told him.

Of course, Sir." He nodded, trailing with Shoto.

"So you're officially a UA student, Touya." He was giddy, he'd always wanted to attend UA but father forced him into a no-name school with barely any accountability for their students and had even listed him under their mother's maiden name to keep him away.

"How are Fuyumi and Natsuo?" Touya asked abruptly. Shoto looked bewildered at the sudden conversation shift. Then he realized it might be because Shoto was never allowed around them. He might not know their names, even.

"Sorry, I know you're not even that close to them, us three were so clumped together and you were so much later we never actually bonded together as siblings or anything and you were probably forced away once I was gone so you probably never even knew them." Touya sighed.

"Actually, we're pretty close now. I guess we all realized losing you meant we needed to stick together as much as possible. We even have a group chat without dad. We call it the Endeavor Hate Chat." Shoto smiled and Touya laughed.

"Oh, now you have to show me how much you bash the old man. How old's he now, 45, 46?"

"46. Just turned it like two months ago." Touya gave a chuckle.

"Wow, talk about the timing of that stupid deaging. It's the same time in the year too. I'm starting to think someone put a spell on me like Sleeping Beauty. Come back the same age five years later to torment my little brother." Touya teased.

"I'm not so little anymore. I'm a week older than you." Shoto teased back.

"Oh come on, it's not by much!" Touya exclaimed, getting the class to snicker at their petty argument of age.

"Anyway, how are Natsu and Yumi? You never answered." Touya reminded him.

"Well, Fuyumi's a kindergarten teacher's aid, she's got a secret girlfriend or two and a secret boyfriend too. That woman is pulling too many people at this point. I really have tried to get her to talk to a therapist about her mommy and daddy issues but it isn't really working as you can tell. Natsuo is in college still, becoming a nurse. He has a husband now, they eloped not this summer but the summer before. He's really happy. Both are doing okay. Yumi says she wants kids in the future still and I'm hoping Dad doesn't latch onto it and try to pick her a husband or something to keep 'good quirks' in the family."

Touya smiled knowing his now-older siblings were happy in life. It was all he'd hoped they'd get when he was younger, he couldn't believe they got their happy endings despite his lack of involvement.

"Me, though, I'm going to be a hero just to save people. Unlike his goals for me, I want to be a hero that's a good person as well as a good hero so he won't be giving me the title of Number One, he'll be handing his mantle to part of the next generation he didn't make, likely. And he has a rude awakening if he thinks he'll get his grandchildren to succeed him." Shoto smiled deviously.

"Why?" Touya asked.

"Because he doesn't know I'm gay yet and I won't be giving him biological grandchildren. I plan to adopt kids in need instead. The only children he'll have are Fuyumi's and yours." Shoto proudly stated.

"You say this like I'm not gay too. I'm not having kids." Touya cackled.

"Yumi's got a whole next family generation on her hands then. All the boys can now wipe their hands clean of the reproduction process." Shoto was trying hard not to laugh, so was Touya.

"I ain't never seen four straight siblings. Always three of 'em gotta be gay." Midoriya announced, bursting the whole class into laughter besides the grape-looking gremlin.

"Ew, gays!" The juice gremlin exclaimed, interrupting everyone's fun.

"Shut the fuck up, Mineta." Aizawa instructed the grape gremlin.

"Yes, sir." Mineta agreed.

"I'm glad you ended up bonding with them. I remember being so worried when you were born because the three of us had each other and you were five years younger than us. I was always worried you'd never bond with us."

"Well, you guys were triplets. It's a different bond, I guess." Shoto sighed. "I just know that they were devastated when they heard you disappeared. We all thought you'd run away because the old man never said anything about kicking you out. We thought you'd died on the streets. You have a tombstone in Mom's garden still." Shoto told him.

"They always did joke about burying me in the yard." Touya laughed.

"I'm so glad you get another chance at life. Once we're able to tell Natsuo and Fuyumi, they'll be overjoyed." Shoto butted his shoulder with his own.

"I hope they'll be happy." Touya smiled a bit.

The day was easy after that. He wasn't all that behind in his studies, even excelled a English. During a hero lesson, he got sent to Recovery Girl, who tried to figure out the quirk that caused this and how it worked.

They'd ultimately ended up that this was more than likely permanent now that things had changed from how his life had originally went, especially once he told her of Ryuu and the quirk change. Then she forcefully healed the cuts and burns on his hands and arms from Ryuu and sent him back to class for Math.

The school day was over before he knew it and he was following Bakugou back to the dorms and he went to his own room, it was still bare, just a bed and a desk and a television set up in the corner.

"Hey, Cotton Candy, we're going out, you wanna come?" Bakugou asked.

"I'd be in my school uniform. Aren't we not supposed to wear them when we're not on campus?" He asked.

"We're the same size, just take some clothes. Mina wants to go clothes shopping anyway." Bakugou told him.

"Okay, but I don't have any money." Touya reminded him.

"IcyHot already agreed to let you take your dad's credit card. We're buying you clothes whether you like it or not." Bakugou told him, shoving some clothes at him and he fumbled a second but held them while Bakugou closed his door. "Get dressed! We're leaving in like twenty minutes once Pikachu does his makeup."

Touya was grateful Bakugou had handed him black jeans with cuts on the knees and a baggy black sweater with a skull on it, the comfort of it was astronomical. He put back on the black boots he'd shown up to UA in last night and headed out to Mina in the men's hallway, wolf whistling at him and Sero laughing telling him he fit right in.

"Question, does anyone have a mask I can borrow? My immune system is pretty weak, I got a lot of the weaker genetics in the family so I get sick pretty easy."

"Yeah, man, Shoji has a ton of extra masks." Sero told him. Kirishima was already knocking on Shoji's door for him.

"Hey, man, can Touya borrow a mask, his immune system sucks and we're taking him out shopping."

"Sure, I have some smaller ones my sister sent me a while back that don't fit me." Shoji rummaged a moment and then handed Kirishima a few masks with Halloween themed patterns on them. "Have fun out in the world, Touya." Shoji reminded him.

"I will, thank you, Shoji!" Touya smiled brightly at him as he put on the black mask with the orange and yellow jack'o'lantern pattern.

Being handed Endeavor's credit card by Shoto and told to go wild at the mall was like a fever dream when he used to have to ask and beg for months for new things and then he was made to work himself to the bone for it.

Taglist: @lgbtforeverything @rin-tanaka @everythingisstardust

[samsilver975]

Alright everyone! Since everything seems to be going down tomorrow, I figure it’s as good a time as any to finish up these character analysis! This will pretty much be the SBI, with a few others, so get ready for part three!

Connor:

I know his role has kind of been comic relief, but like that he’s pretty much the only one willing to ‘forgive and forget.’ He says he doesn’t blame Tommy, and that he’s just confused, which is a surprising amount of wisdom from someone in a Sonic onesie.

Sapnap:

His role in doomsday was smaller and did more for Tommy’s character than his own, but it’s worth mentioning. Even though he was Dream’s friend, Tommy was able to pursuance him to Tommy’s side, an ‘alliance?’ that lasted past Doomsday. But more on that later...

BadBoyHalo:

What the hell is even going on with the egg. Writing about that side of the plot is a whole ‘nother... egg to crack.

Tubbo:

Tubbo’s character was surprisingly hard to write about. I think a lot of people kind of see Tubbo as the innocent best friend with not much else to characterize... but sitting down to write gave me a really hard time. Tubbo is not as innocent as he seems. The biggest thing comes after today’s (the 19th?) stream, when Ranboo confronts Tubbo about Snowchester’s true purpose. Tubbo was the president of L’Manburg. He saw how it corrupted Quackity, corrupted him. But now he’s saying he want’s Snowchester to be independent. When questioned, he says, “It’ll be different this time,” completely shocking Ranboo. If you remember my analysis of Quackity (I not so shamelessly suggest you check out my previous posts) I said that he and Tubbo were to two most affected by the government they formed. The two that ended up becoming two halves of Schlatt. But where Quackity realized how alike he and Schlatt had become, Tubbo... didn’t. Even now he doesn’t see the mistakes of the past or what they mean for the future. For whatever reason, Tubbo didn’t learn. He doesn’t realize that independant factions, truly independant factions, are a really bad idea. Forcing the idea of indepedence down Dream’s throat is a bad idea. Maybe he wants to prove that he’s capable of being a leader, but L’Manburg was doomed the moment Wilbur decided to rig the election. It had its good points sure, and I don’t entirely agree with it being blown up, but it also had some bad points... and I can’t tell if Tubbo acknowledges them. Tubbo’s character has been in the background for so long I think, that he hasn’t had his chance to shine outside of Tommy’s shadow, so maybe that’s playing a part too. Whether this is Tubbo being naive or actually power-lust I don’t know, but Tubbo, for all his forgiveness, is shaping up to be one of the most dangerous people on the server. And he doesn’t even know it yet.

Foolish: (honorable mention, not a part of Doomsday)

‘I’m not going to be a part of canon!’

Joins Snowchester. Antagonises the Eggpire

‘Haha... I’m in danger!’

Philza:

I really didn’t like Philza’s arc. Not to say it was bad or anything, but compared to everyone else, his story was kind of... meh. He just seemed to stagnate a bit. Like, he supports the anarchists obviously, but his entire character arc seemed to just be ‘oh, I live in the nation and have no opinion on it otherwise’ to ‘oh, this nation kind of sucks, it doesn’t need to exist anymore.’ Which, yeah seems like a pretty big change but... it wasn’t as impactful I guess? I also didn’t like how little emotion he showed to Ghostbur after L’Manburg’s destruction, but I’m not sure he really thinks of Ghostbur as a separate entity from Alivebur. He doesn’t have much sympathy for a being that he hopes will only be temporary. At this point, I can’t really tell where the character is going. Hopefully we’ll get some answers in the hopefully coming Ressurection Arc.

Ghostbur:

Of all of the arcs during season two, the one to me that was the most gut-wrenchingly sad was Ghostbur’s. He’s an interesting character because of the limits on his memory. I may be inaccurate here, but it seems like Ghostbur not only is unable to recall sad memories, but is incapable of making new sad memories too. At first, he was kind of the comic relief. Innocent, awkward, the friendly optimist. But... not everything with Ghostbur is so straightforward. I think, on some level, he remembers what Alivebur did. Not like a proper memory maybe, but a lingering notion, an almost-feeling. Something inside of him is still guilty, otherwise, why would he avoid talking about Alivebur’s actions? Why would he avoid Fundy? By all accounts, Ghostbur should be a stagnant character, and in some ways he is. He continues to be innocent right up until the very end. But in the end, he changes. He watches, time and again, as everything he builds, everything nice he tries to do for people, blows up in his face. Time and again, nobody feels any sympathy for him; he’s the background comic belief after all right? He doesn’t count as a character, right? I think that mindset played a big role is his decision to be brought back. And even if he can’t fully understand what is going on, he still feels enough to decide he doesn’t want to be Ghostbur anymore. It’s erily similar to Alivebur. Alivebur did what he wanted, and when his purpose was complete, he wasn’t needed anymore, he asked Phil to kill him. Ghostbur feels he was outstayed his welcome, he isn’t needed anymore if everything he does was for nothing, so he asks Phil to kill him. Ghostbur and Alivebur may be two different people, but they are two sides of the same coin that is Wilbur. Ghostbur, even though he doesn’t fully understand sadness, wants peace. He tried to give it to everyone, but I think he’s realized he won’t find peace on the SMP. But he doesn’t just want to die, he wants to do good for the server even in death. By bringing back Alivebur, he feels that he can help people. That may or may not be the case depending on what Alivebur is brought back or if Alivebur even wants to come back (I personally think, once he sees L’crater, that Alivebur will be pretty content). I leave you all with this: how could the scar still hurt, if there was nothing to hurt for?

That’s all for now! I’m fairly certain I’m going to reach a word cap if I continue. I’ll post the finale, Techno, Tommy, and Dream directly aftet this post, sometime tonight. Also, something I couldn’t find a place for anywhere: I didn’t want L’Manburg to be destroyed purely because I am a builder at heart, and seeing the pretty buildings get destroyed physically hurt. Emotional and political trauma? Nah. Sad because material wealth was destroyed? Yah. Anyhow See you in a minute! (The above paragraphs are purely opinion. You are entitled to your own! Feel free to comment your thoughts down below!)

[shijiujun]

under the light of the moon - part 1 

Inspector Qiao doesn’t recognise Lu Yao, his boyfriend of two years and his best friend for longer than that, after a hard hit to the head and a week spent in a coma.

Lu Yao has to get Chusheng to fall in love with him, all over again.

☞ part 2 (later this week)

--

This is not the Qiao Chusheng he knows, Lu Yao shudders the moment he sees him.

He would know Qiao Chusheng anywhere, his every expression and gaze burned into his heart, his every movement, the way he speaks, and even if the man turned into ashes, Lu Yao swears he would know him.

The man before him is not his Lao Qiao.

Lu Yao feels the bile rise in the back of his throat. All week, Lu Yao has been praying for Chusheng to wake up, to end this nightmare he’s currently in. The nightmare that began when he got a call from Ah Dou late at night a week ago, the man panicking over the phone because Inspector Qiao was hit by a car and he’s bleeding really badly and just come to the hospital-

Hours of surgery and Lu Yao sat outside almost catatonic, not responding to anyone, not even Youning.

All he could think was, what if he leaves me?

And to think, just that morning, Chusheng finally agreed to a short holiday to visit Lu Yao’s hometown, Hai Ning, in three weeks.

Don’t wait up, I’ll see you later, he said.

It was touch and go for the next few days after the surgery, and Lu Yao held onto Chusheng’s hand so tightly that Youning had to put hers over theirs, patting gently and squeezing his shoulder with her other hand. 

Of course Chusheng chose to wake up when Lu Yao left to get a coffee days later, rather than all the other times that Lu Yao sat next to him, fervently wishing for the man to open his eyes.

Lu Yao almost asks if this is a joke, if Lao Qiao is getting back at him for that time he got shot and then pretended to be dumb when he woke up, but it only takes a single look at those eyes to know that it’s real, before Chusheng even says a single word.

“Who’re you?” Chusheng asks, polite but distant and a little annoyed, just like when they first met.

It’s Youning who breaks the awkward, stunned silence, “Ge, don’t joke around, how could you… we’ve all been so worried, especially San Tu-“

“Who?” frowns Chusheng.

“Lu Yao,” Youning blinks, incredulous, “This is… This is Lu Yao. Ge, don’t tell me you’ve really forgotten-“

Chusheng raises his hand, the bandages around his head surely uncomfortable, and that’s when the glint of a gold ring on his fourth finger catches his eyes.

“I’m married?” he asks, even more confused. “Who did I marry, Youning?”

Ah Dou, Salim and Youning turn to look at Lu Yao.

“You’re joking,” Chusheng huffs in misplaced amusement. “How could I have married a man-“

Lu Yao sucks in a sharp, deep breath, and then he snaps, “Finish that sentence and you can go back to being single again.”

Stunned at the icy tone and fury underlining each word, everyone turns to stare at Lu Yao with wide eyes, and even Chusheng himself startles.

With that said, Lu Yao then turns on his heels and walks out.

Youning looks between Chusheng and Lu Yao, and in the end, she chooses to chase after Lu Yao, leaving Chusheng to Ah Dou and Salim. Salim exchanges a look with Ah Dou, and promptly leaves, as if saying I’m not paid enough for this, you handle it.

“Ge, what year… what do you remember?”

Chusheng frowns, and then thinking carefully, he answers, “Didn’t Boss Bai… he asked me to report to the police station tomorrow? As Inspector? You were there too, Ah Dou.”

Ah Dou nods slowly, and because there’s no way to hide it from him or ease him into it, he says, “Ge, you’ve lost three years.”

At that, Chusheng is stunned into silence.

Three years?

“And that man?” Chusheng asks, “So when I asked if I was married, you meant…”

“Well, you’re not officially married because there aren’t laws for that now, but… it’s common knowledge that the both of you are in a committed relationship with each other. And you gave Detective Lu the power to sign on your behalf in emergencies, so bank account, hospital, the house, everything… which means you’re as good as married,” Ah Dou points out. “Whatever you do, don’t take off the ring. Detective Lu is going to be pissed if you take it off and… Ge, I think you’ll regret it if you do.”

Chusheng looks down at the plain gold band, twisting it around his finger. He shifts it upwards a little and sees a band of lighter skin matching the ring exactly.

He must have worn this for quite a bit, then.

“Tell me everything,” Chusheng sighs, pressing his fingers to his temples.

===

“San Tu! San Tu!” Youning calls, running after him as he stalks out of the hospital.

With his long legs and at the speed he’s walking, Youning would probably have lost him, but Lu Yao stops right at the curb of the road, then turns around to look at her just as she reaches him.

“That ungrateful bastard,” Lu Yao snaps, seething with rage and hurt, “How could he forget me?! He remembers you, Ah Dou, Salim and probably all the women at the night club or brothel, but he forgot me!”

“San Tu ah, don’t be angry,” Youning cajoles, tugging at his hand. “It’s… it’s probably temporary, so just… he didn’t mean it. Chusheng-ge didn’t mean it, how could he forget you for real? You- just breathe, if you faint here I can’t carry you, San Tu!”

Lu Yao inhales hard at Youning’s reminder, looking away as he tries to compose himself.

“He laughed at the thought of marrying me!” Lu Yao says through gritted teeth, “I wasn’t the one who begged him to put my name on the things he owned, and I didn’t ask him to give me a ring!”

At that, Lu Yao reaches for his own matching ring, and Youning grabs at his hand frantically, “San Tu! Are you mad, don’t be so impulsive!”

Fine, he thinks, dropping his hands to his side, because even as angry as he is, if he takes off his ring, that would mean the end of it, so how could he really bear to take it off?

“How could Chusheng-ge really forget you? You’re, you’re-“ Youning forces a smile at the ridiculous things she’s about to say next, “You’re his baobei*, his xin shang ren*, and you’re right, he chased you. Don’t be angry, okay?”

The more he thinks about it, the angrier he gets. Lu Yao turns and walks away, and alarmed, Youning yells, “Where’re you going?”

“To make dinner for him!” Lu Yao hollers back.

Not that the man deserves it, he sulks, picking up the pace so he can get home faster.

He returns three hours later with a flask of hot soup, and he’s had three hours to think through it.

He knows what a strange situation this must be for Chusheng. Waking up to realize that you’ve lost three years of your memories, stuck three years ago when everyone else is living ahead. From what Ah Dou said to him, dropping by earlier after talking to Chusheng, there’s probably no way to tell when he will regain his memories, if at all.

Lu Yao is a doctor himself, and if the doctors in the hospital can’t do the job, he’ll make sure Chusheng remembers.

He won’t allow Chusheng to forget him, but Lu Yao has to be careful too. He doesn’t want to force Chusheng to remember, lest his memory gets worse.

Chusheng is seated up in bed and awake, reading through the newspapers for the day, when Lu Yao arrives. Hesitantly, Lu Yao knocks on the door twice, and the man looks up at the noise.

“Ah,” Chusheng says, a little awkward. “Lu Yao… right? Ah Dou told me some of it earlier. I’m sorry, I don’t-“

“It’s not your fault, what’re you apologizing for?” Lu Yao cuts him off as he walks in, because he doesn’t need another reminder that Chusheng doesn’t remember him. “I made soup, if you’re hungry.”

“… now that you mention it,” Chusheng replies with a small smile, “Thank you, you didn’t have to go to the trouble.”

Lu Yao scoops out a bowl for him, and then with stilted movements, passes the bowl over to Chusheng.

If Chusheng didn’t forget him, Lu Yao probably would have insisted on feeding him. 

Well, now they can both be disappointed.

“You cook? This is delicious,” Chusheng says, looking up.

“Then eat more,” Lu Yao inches the flask closer to Chusheng on the table. “You’ve lost a lot of weight from the week you were asleep.”

He eats in silence until the entire flask is empty. That Lu Yao is able to do something for Chusheng when he could do nothing but sit at his side this entire week eases the knot that’s been building up over the past few days in his chest slightly.

This Chusheng, however, is so polite and careful that it hurts. Even in the beginning when they first met, Lu Yao’s first meeting with the man ended up with a black eye for him, and Chusheng was rude too, accusing him of murder.

“The doctor says you can be discharged tomorrow. I-“ Lu Yao pauses. “Youning and I discussed it. We’ll swap houses for a while so she can take care of you while you… recover.”

“But that’s your house too, isn’t it?” asks Chusheng, surprised. “I won’t chase you out of your own house. In fact, your name is on the house. If anyone should be moving, it should be me.”

At the thought of Chusheng moving out, Lu Yao freezes. He probably doesn’t mean it that way, but all Lu Yao hears is that Chusheng wants to leave, wants to leave him and can’t even stand the thought of being in the same house as he.

The hurt he feels at that must show on his face, because Chusheng sighs a moment later, “Lu Yao. I’m… I’m sorry if I’m making this difficult on you. None of us has to move out.”

“Okay,” Lu Yao breathes, nodding. “You have two rooms, I’ll move into the study. And if you’re uncomfortable with anything, you should let me know.”

Chusheng nods in response, and he’s not sure why his panic recedes when he sees the furrow between Lu Yao’s eyes disappear. Some part of him remembers, Chusheng supposes, even if the part of his brain that has memories of Lu Yao in it is entirely blank.

“… then, I’ll go back first and pack up the house a little,” Lu Yao decides, even though he wants to stay here, right at Chusheng’s side. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow with Youning.”

His presence is more likely to trouble Chusheng than anything at this point, and Lu Yao knows that.

“Okay,” Chusheng agrees, sounding a little relieved.

Lu Yao tries not to let it get to him. You love this man, he tries to remind himself.

Outside the door, Liu Zi and some of Chusheng’s other brothers stand guard. At the sight of him, they straighten, looking at him with something akin to expectation and hope. When Lu Yao only shakes his head, it’s almost comical the way all their shoulders droop.

Liu Zi pats at Lu Yao’s shoulder, “Si-ge will remember, sao-zi. Don’t worry, we’ll keep him safe, so you should go back and take a rest.”

Lu Yao glares at the man for calling him that, but relents after a moment. “If there’s anything, call me.”

“Hnn. Ah Ming, send Lu-ge home.”

At home, however, lying in their bed for the last time in a long while, Lu Yao finds himself unable to sleep despite how tired he is.

What if Chusheng never remembers him?

===

For the most part, they try not to get in each other’s way once Chusheng returns home. As promised, Lu Yao sets up a makeshift bed in the study and pretends he doesn’t see how relieved his boyfriend looks when he sees the bed ready for one person only.

You can’t rush the process, the doctor told him in the hospital, brains are a tricky thing as you know, it’ll come back to him when he’s ready.

That would mean anytime between today and never, Lu Yao thinks darkly. 

Luckily for them both, Chusheng is on leave for the next week and no urgent cases have come in yet that Ah Dou cannot handle, so Lu Yao resolves to jog Chusheng’s memory gently throughout the week.

And so he tries. Lu Yao makes all of Chusheng’s favourite dishes, hoping that the taste will be familiar to him, but his hopes continue to fall flat after a week. When the both of them are seated in the living room reading, Lu Yao occasionally forgets that this isn’t the Chusheng that loves him, and when he makes a joke after reading something interesting in the news, expecting Chusheng to laugh with him or tease him, Lu Yao looks up when it’s met with a simple noise of assent, only to see Chusheng engrossed in his own reading.

When Chusheng gets back to work, Lu Yao is about to tear his hair out in frustration, and Chusheng can’t even bear to look at him for fear of seeing disappointment and hurt in Lu Yao’s eyes.

Lu Yao thanks the heavens when a case lands at their feet two days later, eager to have something to do, and maybe when Chusheng works with him, he’ll actually remember something.

As expected, when Lu Yao goes off solving the case with clever deductions, Chusheng seems awed and impressed. His nod of approval at Lu Yao’s skill almost reminds him of his Chusheng.

Almost.

As Ah Dou and Salim take the murderer on their latest case away, Lu Yao stretches to get rid of the tensed muscles in his neck and back from running around two days without rest.

“Shall we go get some dumplings? I’m so hungry-“ he begins, only to see Chusheng already walking ahead of him.

“… hmm?” the man asks when he’s halfway across the courtyard of the murderer’s house, “Ah. You can go ahead, I’ll go back with Salim and Ah Dou.”

He leaves him there and Lu Yao wants to call for him, but all he can do is watch as Chusheng leaves with the rest, reeling from the fact that Chusheng just-

-left him here, without even a second glance.

Chusheng has never left him to eat on his own before, especially after a successful case.

At that moment, Lu Yao thinks this is what it feels like, perhaps. 

Heartbreak. Rejection. Disappointment.

It takes losing Chusheng to realize how much he took Chusheng’s love and concern for granted. Is this retribution and karma for not being nicer to Chusheng before, he wonders.

Since they met, it was always Chusheng who was turning up at his door to badger him, showering him with attention and gifts, being at his side constantly, quietly protecting him and asking for nothing in return.

It hurts, and fucking hell it hurts like nothing else he’s felt in this world before, but Lu Yao supposes it’s time for him to give back.

So Lu Yao picks himself up again, brushing the incident off. Wherever Chusheng is, that’s where he will be, even if it means forgoing tea.

===

“Well, now you know how good Chusheng-ge was to you,” Youning laments a week later, but she’s careful not to rub salt into Lu Yao’s wound.

She knows how much Lu Yao is doing for her brother, doing everything that Chusheng would have done for Lu Yao before - waiting for him to go home from work, bringing him an umbrella if it’s raining even if they’re not working at the station at the same time, bringing him the food he likes for supper.

Lu Yao is trying so hard, and she knows it. That’s not to say that Lu Yao ignored Chusheng’s efforts before the whole amnesia thing, but Lu Yao was always the one pampered and taken care of by Chusheng like this, endlessly spoilt by her lovesick fool of a brother who wanted nothing more than to lay the world at Lu Yao’s feet.

Seeing Lu Yao this exhausted and upset hurts her too.

She saw the way Lu Yao flinched when he offered Chusheng to help treat a cut on his back a few days ago, only for her brother to chuckle awkwardly before pulling up his shirt, telling them that he could do it himself.

The light in Lu Yao’s eyes is dimming with every passing day, and she’s afraid that at some point, he’s going to give up.

It has been three long weeks that undoubtedly feels much longer for Lu Yao.

Everytime she tries to broach the subject with Chusheng-ge, however, the man shoots her a warning look, and it’s the look he usually gives her when he’s really irritated, telling her to back off. Met with his rejection on this front, there’s nothing much Youning can do for them.

“Sleep here tonight,” Youning pats at Lu Yao’s hand, then squeezing it in support, pouring all her love for him and Chusheng-ge into her touch. “Take a break, you’ve been taking care of him for so many weeks.”

Lu Yao heads upstairs obediently and gets under the covers after a shower.

Youning knows he does not sleep.

===

A few weeks later, Lu Yao finds that he and Chusheng are finally at a comfortable equilibrium, living as roommates with each other rather than as lovers. Chusheng is finally starting to get used to Lu Yao’s quirks, and when Lu Yao whines that he’s hungry these days, Chusheng laughs, sounding a little more like himself, and brings Lu Yao to go eat.

“You’re going to end up eating yourself to death,” sighs Chusheng with a shake of his head, but he makes a right turn anyway, heading to the restaurant Lu Yao named earlier.

It gives him hope. If Chusheng cannot remember him, then Lu Yao just has to make him fall in love with him again.

Lu Yao makes sure to bring Chusheng to all the places they frequented together — the bar, the restaurants, the casino and even previous crime scene locations.

He even brings Chusheng to the couple’s restaurant where Chusheng gifted him with the watch, and Lu Yao regrets the way he reacted that night, because seeing Chusheng’s discomfort feels like a sucker punch to the gut now that their positions are reversed.

It’s been two months, and Chusheng hasn’t called him ‘San Tu’ or ‘Yao Yao’ even once.

The nights are the worst, because more often than not these days, Lu Yao wonders when he should give up. When is he going to see the sign that tells him that all he’s doing is futile and that he shouldn’t be wasting any more of Chusheng’s time?

After all, if Chusheng didn’t fall in love with him then, maybe he would be married by now, with children even.

===

It all comes to a head a few days later, at Bai Le Men.

Lu Yao was investigating another lead with Youning on the outskirts of the city, and when they return, Salim tells them that Ah Dou and Inspector Qiao went to Bai Le Men to talk to a possible source there.

He doesn’t have a good feeling about it, but heads over anyway with Youning in tow.

When they turn up, the first thing Lu Yao sees is Chusheng flirting with a woman near the dance floor, and his entire body flushes cold, his eyes going wide as they zoom in on his boyfriend.

Lu Yao watches with rapt fascination almost, because that’s a smile he hasn’t seen in months. It’s a smile that Chusheng directed exclusively at him after they got together, a smile that only Lu Yao is privy to.

The finger where his ring used to sit at is empty.

Seeing him flirt with another woman, a woman that is just his type before he fell for Lu Yao, Lu Yao cannot breathe. Before he does something he might regret, Lu Yao spins on his heels quickly and leaves Bai Le Men.

“San Tu, San Tu!”

Youning is calling for him, but Lu Yao doesn’t stop walking. At some point, he breaks into a run, wanting to get away from the club and put as much distance between himself and Chusheng as possible. There’s a ringing in his ears and all he can hear is the sound of his heartbeat.

He doesn’t even register getting home and locking himself in the bathroom until he’s sobbing, for the first time in weeks, seated on the floor against the door with his knees drawn up to his chest. He griefs for himself, for losing Chusheng for real, because this has to be it.

It’s devastating, realizing that he will never, ever get Chusheng back. The ring on his fourth finger mocks him, a symbol of what he cannot have. In a sudden burst of anger, Lu Yao snatches the ring off and flings it out, uncaring of where it lands.

His sobs echo in the spacious bathroom, and he cries until he can’t breathe any more, until he has nothing left to give.

Exhausted, Lu Yao curls up on the floor.

I’ll move out tomorrow, he thinks.

---

Notes:

*ge - brother

*si-ge - fourth brother

*sao-zi - sister-in-law, i get the gender discourse and everything around this but it’s just a term to refer to the spouse of Chusheng who is Qiao Si-ye and shows that Liu Zi and everyone under Chusheng respects Lu Yao as his equal partner (cuz there’s no gender neutral term for that in this setting)

*baobei 宝贝- baby/darling

*xin shang ren 心上人 - lover, someone who lives in his heart, who he treasures

*Bai Le Men - the night club that Chusheng frequents

--

[anotheronechicagobog]

Volomag and Vodka Part 6 Facetime

written by @anotheronechicagobog​

warnings: swearing, mensions of xenophobia, COVID-19, quarantine

For Jay the worst part about quarantine wasn’t being locked up with Will, it was being away from Hailey. Intelligence had heard from her just as it was starting to get bad, that because New York was a hot spot, Hailey wasn’t going to be returning to Chicago for a while. This spiralled him into a mood, he was pouting all the time, looking at Hailey’s desk longingly, glaring at the temp. Jay had been staring out of the window, looking like a kicked puppy, and Kim was done. “Okay, that’s it!” Everyone in the bullpen turned to her, confused as she whipped out her phone and started facetime someone.

“Hi Kim, how’s-”

“Jay’s moping. Fix him.” Was all she said before tossing her phone to Jay. “Jay?”

He straightened his shoulders and his expression softened out the creases made by his constant frowning. “Don’t listen to Kim, I haven’t been-”

“Yes he has.” No one in Intelligence even had to look up, each and every one of them completely over his kicked puppy routine.

Hailey quirked her eyebrow at him in the teasing manner he loved so much. “Okay, so maybe I miss you a bit.”

He was met with a chorus of scoffs and eye rolls. “... Or a lot. It’s just not the same without you here, and you were supposed to come home a week ago. I know that it because of the pandemic and all...”

“Don’t worry, Jay I miss you a lot too.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Do you know a guy who goes by ‘OA’ from your Ranger days?”

“Yeah, we weren’t in the same regiment but we were in specialized training together. Why?”

“He’s the guy I’m partnered with. He’s nice, but he’s not you, so I didn’t really want to talk about him. But today we were talking at lunch, and I guess I’ve been pretty standoffish with him, so he thought that talking about himself first would help, and I guess it did. He told me that he was a Ranger and I asked if he knew you and he remembered you vaguely too.”

“What regiment was he in?”

“27th.”

“Zidan?”

“Yes!”

“Oh, yeah, I remember him, he was skilled, focused, but he got a lot of shit because his family’s middle eastern, I can’t remember the region or country, but I don’t know if I was ever told. I didn’t ask. He was there for the same reason we all were, and I had respect for him we just didn’t work together much. So he’s your new partner?”

“Temporary partner.” Jay took a relaxing breath. Knowing that she meant it, she was going to come back. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So you talked to OA.” Jay felt a little guilty, but not much. He’d called some people, who called some people, who were able to give him OA’s contact info, and then he gave OA a call. It was nice to catch up but Jay was honest with the reason he called. OA had chuckled, “don’t worry Halstead, I’ve got your girl’s back.” Jay hadn’t corrected him, he was just relieved to put a face and name to who was working with Hailey. OA had teased him a bit, but overall just nodded at the worry in his voice and said “don’t worry, man. She’ll make it back to you safe and sound. She’s a great cop. She was a little rough around the edges when she got here, weighed down by something, but she’s evolved in such a short period of time. I’d vouch for her. I even heard my boss wanted to offer her a spot,” Jay sucked in a breath as his body went numb and started to sweat, “doubt she’ll take it though. She misses Chicago, her friends, and her family. She misses you.”

“Yeah, well, I needed to make sure that he knew what would happen if he didn’t keep you safe.”

“You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“I did have to do that, just not for you. For me. The world has gotten a heck of a lot more dangerous pretty damn fast, I needed him to know that you have to come home to me- us. That you’re needed here.”

“Okay.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Tell him to stop yelling at officer River.” Is the only greeting she gets from a visibly cross Voight before the phone is straight-up thrown at her partner. “Hey there troublemaker.”

“He’s exaggerating, Hails.”

“I’m sure he is.” The sarcasm dripping off her lips was practically visible. It took Jay a moment to realize that he’d been staring at them and wondering how they’d feel against his or if he brushed his thumb across them, he shook his head before looking into her concerned, soulful eyes.

“How are you doing?”

“Pretty good actually, I mean I still miss you and everyone else like crazy, but because of the pandemic we were able to get a lot more intel on some of the perps we were after and less resistance because so many people in their circles are getting sick. We’ve even been able to make a bunch of high-profile arrests.”

“That’s great, but, uh, you’re not having too much fun in NYC are you?”

“Not even remotely. I can’t wait to get home to you.” His heart skipped a beat and then began to ache for her more. “Seriously, as proud as I am with my accomplishments at the FBI while I’ve been here, I’m really starting to resent this city. I just want to be home. With you.”

“I feel exactly the same way, I promise.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Upton, something’s wrong with Jay.”

“What do you mean?” Hailey looked terrified, the last time something was wrong with him he ended up getting kidnapped and shot. “Someone facetimed him earlier, and at first we all thought it was you... But then his face just changed, it became cold, unreadable. He answered the call in the break room, but he shut the door and the blinds. Ever since he’s been walking around like a zombie.”

“Pass him the phone.”

“Hey Upton.”

*Okay, he called me Upton, not a good start.* “What’s up, Jay?”

“Did you know that Erin was working in the same building as you?”

“I haven’t seen her at all, but I’d have to imagine that she at least works in the vicinity of the headquarters.”

“Well, she’s seen you. And, uh, apparently, she was going to talk to you but then your phone rang, it was last week when Adam-”

“Bought the wrong kind of chocolate for Kim, yeah, that was actually pretty funny. Sorry, continue.”

“Well, she uh, she stuck around and just eavesdropped on the whole call. It didn’t sit well with her apparently, because she called me this morning. She was I don’t know- unhappy? Pissed? But it was all just really weird, because of how she and I left things, and she said that she’s going to be keeping an eye on you. And not in a ‘hey your friend is visiting my city? Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on ‘em, don’t worry’ way. It was in a ‘I don’t trust this girl around my boyfriend’ kinda way. And I know that she’s fluent in Voight, so she’ll figure out pretty damn quick why you’re there, if she hasn’t already, and I’m just really worried for you.”

“That’s not all you’re worried about. I can tell. Spill it, Jay. You know you can talk to me.”

“She was acting like I cheated on her. And she said she still loves me, and I’m just upset she thought it was okay to talk to me like that, about that. I know I made some pretty big mistakes in our relationship, and I know that at least half of the fault falls on me, but it just made me feel dirty, and angry.”

Hailey’s face had softened, and honestly, it just made Jay’s day a thousand times better. “I don’t know if this will make you feel any better, but my time at the FBI has come to an end, and I’ll be getting on a plane to Chicago tomorrow afternoon. I mean, I’ll still have to self-quarantine when I get back for fourteen days, but at least I’ll be home.”

“... So what you’re saying is I won’t be able to see you in person for another two weeks?”

“Sorry, Jay.”

“Damn, just when I think my luck has changed.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I feel bad.”

“Don’t. Vanessa is fine, she’s been a good buffer between Atwater and Jordan, and Vinessa likes having another girl around. Plus there’s the whole Vinessa, Vanessa thing. They’ve been having fun.”

“I still feel bad.”

“Do we need to call her and ask her if she’s mad at you?”

“... No, she’d just yell at me for feeling guilty over nothing.”

“See? Nothing to feel bad about. How are you holding up?”

“I am bored out of my miiiiiiiinnnnnnd.” She groaned and fell back against her couch, pouting at Jay. He smiled softly, giving her a sympathetic and sad look. He knew how bad she felt, he wanted to see her too. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and just hold her.

“I’ve been taking the time to learn how to cook. Mostly with my grandmother’s cookbook, but I found some recipes online, maybe I could drop off some food for you.”

“What does Will say about your cooking?” She was smiling, knowing Will’s opinion on Jay’s cooking.

“Hey, hey, hey now, this conversation isn’t about him.” Jay was laughing, Will’s rants about his previously shitty cooking were widely known among their social circle. “I have gotten much better, I promise. I, uh, I’ve been learning some recipes that I really think you’ll like.”

“I look forward to it Jay, I really do.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hailey’s quarantine was almost over, and Jay was buzzing on the edge of his seat. Before work he’d dropped by with a bag filled with numerous containers of food. Most of it was old traditional Irish food, but he’d tried his hand at a few Greek recipes, hoping to impress Hailey. So when her bubbly face popped up on his screen, he jumped up and took the video call to the breakroom. “Hi Hails-”

“I love you,” his heart actually skipped a beat and his nerve endings heated up “so much right now. This food is AMAZING. And you made Greek food. Keftethes, Souvlaki, Spanikopita, and Baklava. This was so sweet, you didn’t have to do this for me.”

“It, uh, it wasn’t anything special. Really.”

“Thank you Jay. And, I meant it. I love you, Jay.”

“I love you too, Hailey. More than you know.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BONUS

“Guys, guys-”

“What is it, Ruzek. I know that we’re all starved for something to do since the commissioner put us all on grunt work after our suspension, but you need to stop just running into the room like you have news, man.”

“Yeah, what is it this time, the vending machines got refilled?”

“Upstead has sailed, they’re a thing! I just heard them talking! Oh, come on, guys. Atwater, you believe me right? Rojas? Voight?” They shook their heads, wondering if Ruzek had finally snapped after all the pressure they’d been under because of their suspension and involvement in the Black Lives Matter movement.

“Hey, hey, everyone, I just heard Hailey and Jay talking about how they love each other over the phone!”

“Finally!”

“Hallelujah!”

“I’ll get their HR forms started.”

“Oh come on, you believe Kim and not me?”

[our-time-is-now]

June 23, 2019 (1): Zelda and the future

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content  warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog.

Sunday, 4:12 pm:

David: *they planned on meeting at Carlos' to play video games because his parents are on holiday and he's got the place to himself* *is a little proud that they're only 12 minutes late when they finally arrive at the house Carlos lives in* *gets off his bike and grins at Matteo* Only 12 minutes late! We're getting better! *briefly looks at the house because he's never been at Carlos' place and then back at Matteo who is locking his bike* *laughs quietly when he sees Jonas coming around the corner on his bike and says to Matteo* And we're not even the last ones for a change! *then can already hear Jonas: "Oh, crap! I thought I'd make it before you two..."* *shrugs and grins* I don't know what's going on today, either... *waits for Jonas to lock up his bike as well and watches how he first hits Matteo and then him on the shoulder in greeting and hears him say: "Na, Mister David Schreibner!? Have you bought a frame, yet?!"* *grins and somehow likes it that he remembers* *shakes his head and murmurs* Not yet...

Matteo: *laughs when David is so proud* *shrugs* Oh, they should just stop making such a big fuss all the time... *locks his bike and gets up again* *also laughs when he sees Jonas* Ha! *shakes his head* He knows exactly what's going on... *imitates David* "Come on, Matteo... let's just be on time only once, Matteo... you can also go to the bathroom there..." *grins when Jonas congratulates David again* We already made copies... I'll get a frame! *then goes to the front door with the two and rings the bell*

David: *gives Matteo the secretary's-office-look when Matteo imitates him and then shrugs* It worked... *laughs quietly* Well, a little... *nods when Matteo tells him about the copies and the frame and then follows them to the front door and up the stairs to the second floor after they get buzzed in* *sees Abdi standing at the apartment door and as he fistbumps them in greeting hears him say: "He's not really in a good mood today..."* *lifts one eyebrow in worry when he returns the greeting and doesn't ask because he'll probably find out soon enough, anyways* *hears Jonas announce in a good mood: "Oh, we'll soon change that... where is he? Living room?"* *sees Abdi nod and follows the others through the hallway into the living room*

Matteo: *greets Abdi and then grimaces a little in worry when he hears his words* *whispers to David* We should have brought Hans' super sweet booze, after all... *then follows Jonas and Abdi into the living room* Hey, dude... *there's some bustle while they all greet Carlos and then somehow find their seats on the sofa, the armchair and the floor* *him and David managed to get the armchair while Jonas and Carlos are sitting on the small sofa and Abdi's on the floor* *notices that Carlos looks a little dejected and thinks that a sledgehammer approach is the best method* Why are you pulling such a face? What's wrong? *notices Jonas look at him depreciatively but only shrugs one shoulder*

David: *has put his arm around Matteo after they managed to get the armchair and after he greeted Carlos* *looks at Carlos a little more closely and thinks that he really does look quite frustrated* *then hears Matteo's question and finds it pretty direct* *briefly draws up his eyebrows in skepticism and then looks at Carlos scrutinizingly* *sees him sigh briefly and then shake his head: "Ey, yesterday Kiki told me that she got her acceptance letter for university..."* *hears Jonas: "But that's great! What's so bad about it that it ruins your mood like that? You have your apprenticeship, she got accepted to university so everything's great, isn't it?"* *sees Carlos look at Jonas with serious expression and then simply says: "Halle!"* *sees Abdi nod and repeat: "Halle!", as if he wanted to make sure everyone really gets it* *can understand now why Carlos is so down because it will most likely come down to a long-distance relationship and asks* How far away is Halle again? 150 km? *hears Carlos answer: "171"* *nods in understanding and murmurs* Fuck... *hears Carlos: "Tell me about it, bro..."*

Matteo: *is sitting partly on the armrest and partly on the armchair leaning onto David* *listens to the boys and then looks from one to the other a little confused* But that's only two hours by car... *sees Jonas look at him depreciatively again* *sees Abdi shake his head and hears him say: "What do you mean only?"* *hears Carlos sigh and hears him say: "That means I'll only see her on weekends and probably not even every weekend"* *wonders what's so bad about not constantly seeing Kiki and slightly shrugs his shoulders* *sees Jonas shake his head and hears him say: "Sorry, Brudi, but I'm really amazed that you of all people don't understand that..."* *slightly grimaces in his direction* *then hears Abdi: "That's actually true, you get crazy even when you're only 1.7 km away from David"* *humpfs quietly and then understands Carlos a little bit, after all, he just can’t think of Kiki as Kiki* *nods* Okay, that's true... but... *looks at Carlos* ... what does she even say about it? If you both want it, then you'll manage.

David: *feels a tiny sting when Matteo says that it would only be two hours by car and stiffens a little when he wonders if Matteo really wouldn't mind it if they suddenly were 171 km apart* *nods at Carlos' words and tries to ignore the sting and Matteo's words because now it's not really about them but about Carlos and Kiki* *then hears Jonas' words to Matteo and on the one hand has to smile a little about them but on the other hand finds it somehow strange that Jonas seems to understand the problem better than Matteo does* *then has to grin slightly at Abdi's assumption and briefly looks at Matteo who somehow seems to understand only now what it's about* *then hears Carlos: "Well Kiki says that it's her chance and that she'll definitely accept the spot. I mean, I can somehow understand her, she really wants to study but she acts as if it somehow would be... I don’t know... as if it were absolutely okay for her that we'll barely see each other..."* *clears his throat and asks* Isn't there a possibility for her to start in Halle for now, but then switch to Berlin after a semester? She can also study psychology in Berlin... *hears Jonas: "Exactly! Once you got accepted somewhere, it's easier to switch... I mean even if the numerus clausus in Berlin is actually higher than in Halle, the chance of getting accepted is higher once you've already been accepted to the course of study!"* *nods in agreement to Jonas words and says* Then it would really only be a temporary long-distance relationship... so maybe one year instead of three or four years.

Matteo: *nods in affirmation at everything that is being said* And look, you've already been through quite a lot and always stuck together... then you'll get through this, as well. *sees Jonas nod enthusiastically* *sees Carlos tilt his head back forth: "But what if she wants to stay in Halle? If she likes it so much there?"* *says very decisively* Then you'll get through this, as well! *has realized now that apparently the right way is to encourage Carlos and not belittle the situation itself* *sees Carlos look at him and hears him ask: "Would you get through this?"* *grimaces slightly* *but then gives him an honest answer* I wouldn't... but I'm also not as strong as you. *grins slightly* Hey, Halle really isn't thaaat far away. My mum used to have a friend from Halle, she spontaneously came to visit us quite often... that's quite doable, even by train.

David: *nods at what Matteo says and thinks it's good that he encourages Carlos now* *adds* And even if she wants to stay there... then you'll just do the three years of your apprenticeship and then you'll find a good job there! *then hears Carlos' question to Matteo and is glad that Matteo answers and that it seems to be enough for Carlos* *is pretty sure that he wouldn't be able to get through it but doesn't want to demotivate Carlos with it* *adds to Matteo's words* Besides there's semester break! I guess Kiki will be in Berlin then, anyways. She doesn't only have you here, but also her family and her friends! *hears Jonas: "Exactly! Halle really isn't that bad! Just imagine if it were Munich or Flensburg or somewhere like that... then it wouldn't even be worth going there over the weekend because it's so far away!"* *sees Carlos shrug and hears him say with his head hanging low: "I'm just afraid that she'll like it there so much... she'll meet new people... she'll meet new guys... they might be cooler than me..."* *then hears Abdi: "Don't talk like that, dude! No one is cooler than you and Kiki knows that!"*

Matteo: *nods at what Abdi says* Exactly! You're the coolest, man, and Kiki knows that! *sees Jonas look at him surprised and only shrugs one shoulder* Look, thing is... if you prophet doom and gloom from the get-go then it won't work out. *sees Jonas nod and hears him say: "Exactly. We are going to have a nice evening now, you are going to relax a little and tomorrow you're going to get together with her again and you'll talk about it again. It's going to work out!"* *nods again and grins* And now go get the beer and then we'll distract you a little, ok?

David: *has to smile slightly when Matteo is talking about doom and gloom* *has experience with that* *sees Carlos nod at Jonas' suggestion and hears him say: "Okay, maybe you're right!"* *grins slightly and says* I'm really sure we are right! *sees Carlos pick himself up when he hears Matteo's words and then hears him say to Abdi: "I've also got chips in the cabinet over there. Go get them, Brudi!"* *sees Carlos leave the living room to get beer from somewhere and once he's left the room hears Jonas murmur: "That situation really sucks... I can really understand him..."* *nods and quietly says* Me too... but it's probably more helpful to encourage him than pull him down... *also wraps his other arm around Matteo and squeezes him close* *briefly hides his face on his shoulder and sighs quietly when he thinks about the fact that their future somehow isn't really certain, either* *is really afraid that he'll also only get accepted somewhere outside of Berlin and that Matteo will offer to move away with him because he really doesn't want to ask that of him*

Matteo: *nods at Jonas' words* Yeah it is... *also nods at David's words* We'll distract him a little, I think that's good... *wraps his arm around David when he squeezes him close* *quickly presses a kiss to his hair and whispers* Hey, that's not us, ok? *apparently didn't whisper quietly enough because he can hear Abdi laugh and say: "Nothing could tear you apart, anyways!"* *only shrugs one shoulder at that comment and doesn't say anything because Carlos returns with a six-pack beer* *sees Carlos start to open and hand out the bottles* *looks at David* I can also get you something else? *hears Carlos laugh a little: "Caution, caution, the alcohol police is here again. Mister Schreibner mustn’t exceed the alcohol level of 0.01!"*

David: *has to smile at the words Matteo whispers to him and nods slightly but still can't quite turn off his thoughts on that topic* *hears Abdi and grins slightly* *was just about to answer him that he would probably chain himself to Matteo if somebody were to try it when Carlos returns to the living room and starts opening the bottles* *was just about to decline Matteo's offer and grab a beer from Carlos but then hears Carlos' words and thinks it's somehow unfair to Matteo – even if it's only meant as a joke. But when Matteo is worried about him because of that that then it's only something between Matteo and him and the others shouldn't really meddle in that* *therefore changes his mind, looks at Matteo, smiles slightly and says* That would be nice, I don't really feel like beer today... *hears Jonas laugh and Carlos look pretty surprised: "Ey, come on, Brudi, at least one!"* *shakes his head and laughs quietly* Have been quite a lot of "at least one beers" lately... don’t want it to become a habit...

Matteo: *looks a little dumbfounded when he hears Carlos' comment* *didn't really mean it like that and just wanted to offer David an alternative* *is a little surprised when David actually agrees with him and sits up immediately* *looks at Carlos* We're too old to care for peer pressure, aren't we? *gets up and asks Carlos* Your glasses are still where they used to be? *sees Carlos nod and open his mouth but interrupts him* Thanks, I'll just go help myself from the fridge. *leaves the living room to get a glass and something else for David to drink from the kitchen* *therefore doesn't hear how Carlos asks David: "Does that really not annoy you?"*

David: *releases Matteo from his grasp when he immediately tries to get up and grins slightly when he hears his comment about peer pressure* *briefly looks after Matteo gratefully and then hears Carlos' question* *at first looks at him a little astonished but then laughs quietly* What? That my boyfriend worries about me!? *hears Carlos: "Well, but it's still kinda your decision, isn't it?"* *nods and shrugs one shoulder* Sure. But he's not forbidding anything... he simply suggests alternatives. *hears Carlos again: "It would still really annoy me..."* *thinks that it would probably annoy him if Matteo started to argue about it, but so far, Matteo has always let him do his thing when he decided to have alcohol and has always accepted his decision* *then hears Jonas say to Carlos: "Imagine a doctor had told Kiki that she shouldn't drink too much alcohol... and she would still drink with the girls all the time... then you would also say something at some point, wouldn't you?"* *sees Carlos think about it and before he says: "Yes, but that's something completely different... but if Kiki would do that with me, I'd tell her something!"* *can't really believe what he just heard and laughs out loud* Why? Because you're the man and she's the woman? So much for equality!

Matteo/mostly the boys: *has found a glass and is now trying to decide between the different juices in the fridge* *Jonas laughs and nods in affirmation at David's words: "Yes, Carlos, that's really macho-y of you"* *Carlos shakes his head: "No, I'm just saying... you're old enough, you can decide for yourself what you want... it's exhausting if he always says something!"* *Jonas shakes his head: "He doesn't forbid him anything. He just worries. And like I said, I would bet quite a lot that if it were Kiki you'd be even more persistent."* *Abdi sighs and quietly says: "I'd love to have a girlfriend who worries about me."* *comes back into the living room with a glass and a few bottles under each arm* I didn't know what you wanted so I brought water, apple juice, orange juice and pineapple juice... *looks at David questioningly and only then realizes that everyone stopped talking the moment he came into the room* Should I leave again?

David: *quietly laughs at Carlos' words again* But that's exactly what I'm doing! I decide for myself! *then shakes his head when Carlos says that Matteo is exhausting, groans and leans back in resignation* *nods at Jonas' words, smiles slightly at Abdi's words and then looks up when Matteo enters the living room loaded with bottles* *smiles at him lovingly and takes two of the bottles from him to put them on the coffee table* *quietly murmurs "thanks" to him* *immediately shakes his head when Matteo asks if he should leave again and reaches his arms out for him* *somehow really feels like protecting him after the things Carlos has just said* *hears Abdi answer Matteo's question honestly: "No, you can stay! Carlos just thought you were annoying!"* *looks at Abdi a little deprecatingly and hears Jonas laugh: "Yes, but we were actually done with the topic... right?!"* *sees Jonas look at everyone a little provokingly and nods immediately* I agree!

Matteo: *puts the other two bottles and the glass down on the coffee table and thinks that David will just help himself* *grins slightly when David reaches out for him and immediately gets back to his previous spot next to him, leans against him and takes David's hand* *laughs slightly at Abdi's answer and looks at Carlos* Is that so? *sees Carlos simply shrug but he doesn't give an explanation* *then hears that they are apparently done with the topic and that he apparently won't get an explanation* Let's just see how annoying he'll find me when I finish him off at Mario Kart! *hears Jonas laugh and Abdi say: "Carlos actually wanted to play Zelda!"* *grins slightly at the mention of Zelda and remembers David and him talking about it but then also remembers what happened afterwards* *holds onto David and wraps both arms around him tightly* Don't run away.

David: *puts one arm around Matteo when he sits back down next to him and entwines their fingers with a smile when Matteo takes his hand* *is actually glad that they are apparently done with the topic, that no one mentions it again and that Matteo then suggests they start to play* *when he hears Abdi's comment he sees Jonas look at Carlos and hears him ask: "How far are you now, Brudi?"* *sees Carlos get up and turn on the TV and the console and hears him answer: "I reached level 28 yesterday..."* *sees Jonas nod appreciatively and in that moment feels Matteo's arms tighten around him and hears his words* *grins slightly and presses a kiss to his forehead* *murmurs quietly* Don't worry... those times are behind me... *then hears Abdi: "Ey, is our character still saved?! Then maybe we can continue playing with that one..."* *sees Carlos nod: "Of course!" and hears him say while sitting back on the couch: "So, I'd say I start because my day sucked the most!"* *grins slightly and carefully pulls away from Matteo's hug* *indicates with his head that he wants to pour himself something to drink and spontaneously decides to have apple juice* *leans back again with his glass, puts his arm back around Matteo, takes a sip and then watches Carlos as he starts the game*

Matteo: *grins slightly when David says that those times are behind him* Good... *squeezes him again and then lets go of him so that he can pour himself something to drink* *reaches for his beer and also takes a sip* *Carlos gets into position and starts the game* No, man, Carlos, pass him from the left and take the axe! Take the axe, man! *shakes his head when Carlos doesn't listen to him* *murmurs* Every time... *hears Jonas laugh when Carlos doesn't manage to pass the opponent: "You should have taken the axe"* *only shakes his head and leans back against David* *murmurs "they are all stupid" and buries his face on David's neck*

David: *grins when Matteo starts giving advice to Carlos and when he – probably out of protest – ignores them and laughs quietly when Carlos does screw up* *grins again when Matteo leans against him, presses a quick kiss to his forehead and starts to card through his hair in consolation* *murmurs back* And you being the expert here... *then hears Abdi say: "Ey, but we don't do 'everyone has three lives' right? That would take forever with some of us..."* *sees Jonas nod: "I agree... everyone plays for 15 minutes?"* *nods in agreement and says* Sounds good! *then sees Carlos try the opponent another time and this time really take the axe and get close to the opponent from the left* *nudges Matteo and quietly says* You see... he's able to learn, after all! *then hears Carlos while still staring at the screen: "I can hear you, by the way! You can talk big in a minute when it's your turn!"* *laughs quietly* *just like Matteo he has already played that part of the game and doesn't think that he'll have a lot of difficulty*

Matteo: *closes his eyes when David cards through his hair* *pouts overdramatically and nods* I am. *nods at the suggestion of 15 minutes with his eyes still closed* *opens them when he hears David's comment and turns his head slightly to see what Carlos is doing* *pffs slightly at Carlos' comment* You're not getting any more tips from me... *then hears Jonas laugh and hears him ask: "How far are you, Luigi? Still 31?"* *nods* Yes, I haven't played in a while...

David: *sees Abdi grin at Matteo's comment and sees him look over at them: "Have been busy with other things, have you?"* *directs his secretary's-office-look at Abdi and then looks at Matteo for a moment to check on him, his hand still in Matteo's hair* *until now hasn't really noticed that Matteo really isn't playing Zelda anymore and briefly wonders if it has something to do with his disappearance after the sandwich-feast and quietly says to him* We could have played that yesterday... *then hears Jonas comment on Carlos' game: "Oh man, Brudi, I'd really like to know how you even got this far – you've missed another diamond mine! Go back again!"* *hears Carlos: "Huh? Where?!" and then Jonas' description of where Carlos is supposed to go* *looks back at the screen for a moment, takes another sip of apple juice and puts the glass down on the floor next to him to not have to move too much and to not ruin the comfortable position he and Matteo are in*

Matteo: *grins back at Abdi and shrugs* *then looks at David when he hears his quiet comment and shakes his head* Then it wouldn't be original anymore... *listens to Jonas and Carlos and is glad that he has stopped giving advice to Carlos* *then hears Abdi announce: "Your 15 minutes are over, who's next?"* *hears Carlos say: "David, I want to see how good he is..."* *grumbles slightly because that means that he has to move*

David: *grins slightly at Matteo's comment and quietly says* It wasn't anyways... I've stayed with you, after all... *briefly buries his nose in Matteo's hair* *then hears that he's supposed to play next and nods* *pulls away from Matteo and scoots from the armchair down on the floor to better reach the controller that Carlos is holding out to him* *hasn't played the game in forever and it takes some time for him to get used to the controller again and to figure out at which point in the game they are at the moment* *hears Carlos: "Oh man, Brudi, if you're also better at video games than us then we won't invite you anymore..."* *grins without looking away from the screen* Don't worry... I play video games way too rarely for that... *really screws up a jump in that exact moment and has to go back quite a bit to repeat a part of the way*

Matteo: *grins slightly and nods* True... *stretches out on the armchair when David scoots down to the floor to play* *laughs at Carlos' comment and shakes his head* That I want to see... *then hears Carlos laugh and sees him shake his head slightly: "No, no, just kidding... I would miss you too much!"* *sees Carlos stick his tongue out at him and rolls his eyes* *suddenly Abdi is standing next to him: "Ey, Luigi, could we go to the kitchen for a moment to talk?"* *is pretty surprised and glances at Jonas in confusion who only shrugs* Umm, yeah, sure... *pulls himself up and follows Abdi to the kitchen* *looks at Abdi expectantly who at first beats around the bush before eventually saying: "Yeah, man, I don’t want to annoy the others with it all the time, but I constantly have to think about Sam..."* *is a little surprised that Abdi has picked him for this conversation instead of Jonas* Dude, I don't know if I can help you with that... *sees Abdi nod: "Sure you can, man, you didn't give up with David, either..."* *slightly shakes his head* Well... but that was somehow a little different... have you already told her? *sees Abdi nod carefully: "At the Abiball... but she wasn't really that enthusiastic..." *suddenly feels sorry for Abdi and shrugs slightly* That sucks, man, I'm sorry... but I really can't help you much with that... *hears Abdi sigh and ask: "So you don't think that I should keep trying?"* *shrugs* Dunno... no? I mean it doesn't really sound that great... but maybe you should rather ask Jonas... or David... I'm sure they're better at that then me...

David: *only briefly looks away from the screen when Abdi and Matteo leave the living room and continues to play because he really has to concentrate* Arghs... how do I change weapons again!? *randomly presses several buttons* *hears Jonas: "triangle and circle!"* *nods and does that* Thanks... *then hears Carlos: "Ey, what was that about!? What does Abdi want from Matteo now?! /I/ am his bro..."* *grins slightly and concentrates on the game and absentmindedly says* I thought we were all bros... *hears Jonas: "Probably something only Matteo can help him with... and what he's obviously embarrassed about in front of us... but that's okay..."* *agrees with Jonas* *wins over some opponents and moves a level up* *pumps his fist into the air and grins* *sees Carlos look stunned: "Ey, I can't believe it!"* *shrugs and says with a grin* You put in the groundwork for it... *continues playing and eventually hears Carlos: "They have been gone for quite some time..."* *only shrugs and hears Jonas laugh: "One could almost think that you're jealous..." and Carlos immediately answers: "Nonsense!"*

Matteo: *sees Abdi shake his head: "No, I want to know what you think..."* *hums slightly and thinks about it again* *then looks at Abdi and slowly says* I think, maybe... you simply have to make a decision... either you talk to her again, tell her that you need a clear statement and then you'll see what she says... or you keep waiting... but waiting forever can also suck... *shrugs slightly* I mean, to have an unrequited crush is really... exhausting... *sees Abdi nod and hears him say: "You're right. I simply have to make a decision."* *nods* Sorry that I can't be of more help... *sees Abdi shake his head: "You helped. Thanks."* Okay... do we wanna go back? *sees Abdi nod, pats him on the back and goes back into the living room with him*

David: *hears Abdi and Matteo come back to the living room but doesn't really look up from the screen but only grins slightly and says* You were sorely missed! *hears Abdi: "By you?!"* *laughs quietly and now briefly glances at Matteo, after all* From me, too... *then hears Jonas: "No, Carlos was jealous..." and Carlos: "I wasn't you ass!" and Abdi again: "Isn't anybody checking the time here?! Why is David still playing?"* *shrugs and says with a grin* Because I'm simply good... *kills another opponent but then hits pause* *leans back against the armchair, basically between Matteo's legs, who has sat back down again* *holds the controller out* Who wants to play next?

Matteo: *laughs* Don't worry, Carlos, I didn't steal him from you... *sits back down on the armchair and moves his leg a little apart when David leans against the armchair* *sees Jonas take the controller and scoot around a little* Finish the level, dude *hears Jonas laugh: "I'll do my best!"* *leans forward to grab his beer from the table and presses a kiss to David's temple on his way* *leans back and notices Carlos watching him* *lifts his eyebrows in question* Hm?

David: *hands the controller over to Jonas and watches as he begins to play* *makes some space when Matteo leans forward to grab his beer and smiles when he kisses him on the temple* *leans his head against Matteo's leg when he sits back again* *hears Matteo's "hm?" and sees Carlos shake his head: "Nothing!"* *notices that Carlos still doesn't seem to look satisfied but now turns to Abdi instead: "How are you, Brudi? Everything okay"* *has to grin slightly because he somehow finds it adorable that Carlos really seems to be jealous but doesn't comment on it to not annoy Carlos any further*

Matteo: *nods slightly amused when Carlos says that it's nothing and he then immediately asks Abdi* *sees Abdi slowly nod and hears him say: "Yeah, yeah, everything okay..."* *thinks that this doesn’t help much right now but can't really do anything about it at the moment* *slightly nudges David with his foot* *waits for him to look up and then only grins* *then hears Jonas yell "Yeesss" and quickly looks over to see that he has defeated a big opponent* Neat! *then hears Carlos ask Abdi again: "There's something wrong, just spit it out" and Abdi's answer: "Man, Brudi, everything's okay, I just have to think about a few things."* *sees Carlos face darken: "I think that's really retarded that you won't tell me what's going on."*

David: *looks up at Matteo when he nudges him with his foot and grins back, but then also looks over to Jonas and nods appreciatively when he sees what opponent he has defeated* *tries to ignore Carlos' and Abdi's conversation even though he doesn't really like it that Carlos won't accept that Abdi apparently doesn't want to talk about it with him right now* *but then draws up his eyebrows when Carlos uses "retarded" once again and sits up a little* *looks at him a little angrily* Man Carlos! *sees him look at him blankly and slightly shakes his head* Sucks! You wanted to say sucks instead of retarded! *hears Jonas say in confusion: "Did I miss something?!" and Abdi answer shortly: "Yes...." and Carlos' annoyed: "Retarded... sucks... that's all the same!"* *groans and laughs drily because Carlos really doesn't seem to understand* But it's not! *really wonders if it's worth arguing about it again or if it's no use anyways* *leans back but then sits up again and looks at Carlos* Just think about what you're saying. So everyone that sucks is retarded? Every retarded person sucks!?

Matteo: *grimaces slightly when David gets annoyed* *somehow understands him but thinks that Carlos simply can't be changed in that matter* *sees Carlos shake his head in confusion when he hears David's explanation* *then hears Jonas who has obviously paused the game: "Well, I think David is right. Maybe you should think a little more about what kind of words you use, Carlos."* *sees Carlos look a little helpless and hears him say: "Matteo also says retarded!"* *looks at him very indignantly* Hello? I don't... and besides, I'm not your protective shield in this!

David: *looks at Jonas gratefully when he is on his side but still wonders why no one in the friend group has addressed this topic in the past* *pulls up his eyebrows when Carlos pulls Matteo into this and laughs quietly – also about Matteo defending himself* And even if Matteo would also say it, then I would be just as annoyed... that's not an excuse. *slightly shakes his head* *then hears Carlos defend himself: "Ey, the word is simply stuck... I don't even really think about it..."* *hears Jonas again: "What I said, Brudi: Just think about it before speaking!"* *sees Carlos look between him and Jonas, eventually lift his hands in defense and hears him say: "Okay, okay, if it's soooo important to you then I'll just say sucks from now on..."* *still doesn't think that Carlos understood what this is about but still nods and leans back again* *sees Jonas start the game again and hears Carlos add: "But Matteo really also says it! You have to pay attention to it..."* *suppresses a grin and crosses his arms in front of his chest* *reaches one hand up and searches for Matteo's fingers*

Matteo: *looks at Carlos and lifts his eyebrows at David's words as if trying to say "you see, there's no point"* *only shakes his head at the rest of the conversation* *also thinks that Carlos doesn't really realize what it's about* *then hears Carlos pull him in again* Dude! Stop /sucking/ so much* *emphasizes "sucking" extra and sees Carlos grimace at him* *only shows him the middle finger and then reaches for David's outstretched hand* *entwines his fingers with David's and squeezes them for a moment* *then hears Jonas say: "I gotta pee. Who wants to play?"* *sees him hold up the controller and points at Abdi with his free hand*

David: *grins again at Matteo's choice of words, but then puts the topic behind him for today* *then smiles when Matteo entwines their fingers and with his free hand reaches for his apple juice to take a sip* *is glad that Matteo doesn't jump at the chance to play after Jonas and he therefore doesn't have to move* *puts his glass back down, leans his head against Matteo's leg again and relaxes* *watches Abdi take the controller and hears him negotiate: "Ey but your four minutes are wasted then, right? You can't add them next round!"* *sees Jonas grin at Abdi: "You can have them!" and Abdi beam: "Really?" and Carlos' complaint: "Ey, new rules have to be voted on!"* *only grins when Jonas only says: "I'm in favor!" and disappears to the toilet* *sees Carlos look at him and Matteo expectantly and shrugs* *laughs quietly* I really don't care... can I abstain from voting?

Matteo: *laughs at the discussion and says* I'm in favor of us discussing this for four more minutes* *sees Carlos shake his head: "You're really annoying today, Florenzi."* *laughs* Oh, last names, now I'm scared! *slightly tilts his head and shrugs* Okay, okay, I'm against it... whatever Carlos is saying is true... *takes the last sip of his beer* But only if you get me another beer... *grins because Abdi has already started to play and no one really paid attention to when exactly he started*

David: *follows the discussion with a grin but is too relaxed to participate in it* *instead watches Abdi who has already started to play* *but then hears Carlos say to Matteo: "I'll do that in a minute, we first have to resolve this! David, you have to make a decision! We're at a tie!"* *groans* *then hears Carlos add amusedly: "I knew that a fifth Brudi would one day come in handy"* *has to grin but then says to Carlos without looking away from Abdi's game* Have you really thought about being against it? What if I wanted to give you 10 minutes of my time later? Then you couldn't even accept them... *briefly glances at Carlos and sees him think about it and eventually skeptically say: "Yes but you won't do that anyways... right?"* *shrugs and grins* Who knows!? *looks back at the screen where nothing exciting is happening right now* *hears Carlos: "I'll just go get beer..."*

Matteo: *listens to David's and Carlos' discussion* *has to suppress a laugh when David turns the tables* *then sees Carlos disappear into the kitchen and leans down to press a kiss to David's cheek* You're evil! *laughs* I like it... *then hears Abdi: "No flirting and making out now, I have to concentrate!"* *only laughs again and shakes his head* Pretty tense here...

David: *smiles when he gets a kiss on the cheek and grins at Matteo's words* *slightly wiggles his eyebrows* *but then grimaces when he hears Abdi's words, briefly looks at him and quietly and laughingly says* Then just look at the screen – then you won't even notice any of this... *then looks up at Matteo again longingly and slightly pulls on his hand* *wants a proper kiss as long as Jonas and Carlos are gone and Abdi's busy*

Matteo: *grins slightly when David looks up and pulls on his hand* *peeks over to Abdi and sees him stare at the screen in concentration* *then leans down and waits for David to turn his head so that he can kiss him* *manages for 2 seconds before hearing Jonas' voice: "That looks uncomfortable, guys"* *sighs theatrically and looks at Jonas* *Jonas laughs and lifts his hands in defense: "Hey, if that's your thing then I didn't say anything!"* *looks at David* I feel like we need new friends *isn't serious about that, of course*

David: *closes his eyes when Matteo finally kisses him and quietly grumbles in protest when he hears Jonas' voice and they pull apart* *looks at Jonas a little chastisingly and grins when he lifts his hands in defense* *shrugs at Matteo's words and laughs quietly* Well, but if he's right... it really was quite uncomfortable... *sees Jonas nod happily: "Ey, I'm always right – well, okay, most of the time!"* *has also let go of Matteo's hand because his own arm had been uncomfortably pressing on his binder for quite some time because of the weird angle and sits up straight again and stretches a little* *then hears Abdi: "I've told Carlos several times that his parents really need to get another couch..."* *sees Carlos come back with beer: "And where are they supposed to put it!? There's barely enough space for the furniture that's already here... it's really time for me to move out..."* *sees Carlos hand out the beer and also hold one out for him* *hesitates briefly but then shakes his head* *smiles and says* No, thanks, I'll have one next time...

Matteo: *only shrugs* Just because he's right doesn't mean that he isn't annoying... *but then grins at Jonas who is sticking his tongue out at him* *hears Abdi say to Carlos: "We should start a flatshare. A bro flatshare, you and I!"* *grins slightly because that would probably end in utter chaos* *scoots back on the armrest and nudges David with his foot so that he looks up* *then pads the empty space beside him on the armchair* Come up so that we can make out properly... *grins when Abdi and Carlos immediately protest and laughs*

David: *sees Carlos' face lighten up when he hears Abid's suggestion and hears him say: "Yes, awesome! Really, let's plan something!"* *grins slightly because he can somehow imagine what it would look like in their flatshare* *looks up at Matteo when he nudges him with his foot and sees that he has scooted back on the armrest* *laughs at his words and even more at Carlos' and Abdi's protests but immediately pulls himself up on the armchair next to Matteo and leans against him* *hears Jonas: " Well that already looks more comfortable! I'm just thinking about your comfort, guys!" and Carlos: "Ey, but we're not here to make out but to play!" and Abdi, who is still staring at the screen: "Exactly!"* *is a little uncertain again that it might sometimes really bother the guys when he's always with them and when he and Matteo are always so close and therefore scoots a little away from Matteo* *sees that Carlos is watching him and looks at him apologetically* *hears him laugh: "Ey, David, Brudi, that was a joke. As long as you won't start to fuck here and still somehow participate in what's going on, everything's fine."* *also smiles a little and relaxes slightly* *slightly shrugs and murmurs* Well, but it would also be okay if it annoyed you... *hesitates briefly and then adds* ...or if you wanted to see Matteo again without me... *thinks that Hanna and Kiki aren't always there, either* *hears Abdi sigh: "Now he's back at this again..."*

Matteo: *immediately puts his arm around David when he sits down next to him and ignores Abdi's and Carlos' protests* *knows that they are mostly doing it to tease him* *slightly tilts his head at Carlos' comment* Do you see any of us play? *but then feels David scoot away from him and ok, now it's not funny anymore* *pulls him back and is just thinking about how to tell Carlos when he already talks and puts it into perspective* *then shakes his head when David says that it would be okay if they were annoyed* *quietly says* Nooo! *frowns and shakes his head* *then can already hear Carlos' laugh: "Brudi, you're not here when we meet Matteo without you, but believe me, no one here wants that."* *says very drily* Haha. *but then also sees Carlos looking at David a little more serious: "Listen, Brudi, you're a Brudi now, we tease each other, we say things because we know that it annoys the other, we make fun of each other, but we are honest and we tell each other our opinions and we are arguing with each other, but we are also there for each other. And you're in it now, if you want to or not. Well okay, if you really don't want to then not, but it's not because we wouldn't want you. Okay?"* *looks at Carlos surprised and grateful and hears Jonas and Abdi simultaneously add "exactly, Brudi"*

David: *lets himself get pulled back by Matteo but is still quite tense* *but grins slightly when Carlos says that no one wants to see Matteo without him and briefly and lovingly looks over at him* *continues listening to Carlos who suddenly gets serious* *doesn't really know that side of him and is a little surprised that he can say other things than make stupid comments and is a little emotional when he realizes what he's trying to say* *is a little overwhelmed and doesn't really know what to say* *looks at Carlos grateful and then also at Abdi and Jonas when they all agree* *then lowers his gaze in embarrassment and murmurs* Okay... thanks... *adds a little more embarrassed* And of course I want to... it's really pretty cool with you... *then slowly looks up again and shrugs* I just thought... because Hanna and Kiki don't hang out with you guys, either... *hears Jonas laugh: "They wouldn't do that voluntarily..." and Carlos add with a grin: "I think we're a little too much for them or something like that..."* *nods and slowly relaxes again at Matteo's side* *squeezes his arm behind Matteo's back and wraps it around his waist* *is pretty emotional right now and happy about the realization that he's really wanted here and that the boys like having him with them* *sees the three of them smile at him and Matteo and gets a little sheepish again* *is therefore glad when Abdi eventually says: "Okay, I was paying attention to the time: Including the minutes from Jonas I still have 6 minutes until it’s someone else's turn..."* *sees him start the game again and how everyone turns back to the screen* *uses the time to look up at Matteo and to press a soft kiss to his chin*

Matteo: *slightly squeezes David when he thanks them because he figures that it really means something to him* *laughs simultaneously with Jonas when David mentions Hanna and Kiki and nods* They can only put up with us in rations... *grins at David when he snuggles closer again and squeezes him a little closer* *hears Abdi and thinks that this means that he still has 6 minutes until it's his turn* *looks at David when he kisses him, smiles and then kisses him properly* *then quietly and with a wicked grin says* You see?

David: *returns Matteo's kiss and relaxes even more when the other three really seem to not pay any attention to them but instead concentrate on Abdi's game* *smiles when he sees Matteo's wicked look and slightly shrugs* *quietly says* Well you are right every now and then... *tenderly runs his hand over Matteo's cheek and looks at him* *thinks that because of him his live has somehow changed completely, that for the first time he feels like he belongs and that he doesn't have to hide anymore*

Matteo: *grins slightly at his words* *shrugs* I've heard that happens... *tilts his head slightly when David looks at him like /this/* *nudges him slightly* Don't look at me like that... *adds even more quietly* Otherwise I'll have to give my round to Abdi and have to drag you home...

David: *gets nudged by Matteo and slightly grins at his words* *briefly lowers his gaze in embarrassment, but then looks at him again and blushes slightly when he hears his next words* *murmurs quietly and with a slight grin* I wouldn't mind... *briefly looks at the boys, then back at Matteo and sighs quietly* ...but... we should stay for a little longer... for one or two more rounds or so... *as much as he would love to be alone with Matteo he still thinks that it would maybe be a little unfair to the others, especially since they haven't even been here for two hours and the others have just taken a stand for him* *then looks at him again like /this/, puts his hand back to his cheek and pulls him down to kiss him again* *pulls him down even further so that he can whisper in his ear* ...love you pretty much... *then kisses his ear and his cheek and slowly lets go of him again* *thinks that with and because of Matteo somehow everything feels right and sighs happily* *then hears Carlos' voice: "One more minute, Brudi! Just finish that one off already..."*

Matteo: *feels his heartbeat speed up when David gets embarrassed and how incredible it still feels that he's the reason for it* *grins slightly at his answer* *nods slowly when he says that they should stay for a little longer* *then sees the look again and can't help but to beam* *was actually just about to tell him to stop it when he gets pulled into a kiss* *immediately forgets everything else* *feels his lips on his ear and hears his declaration of love and once again can't really believe that this is his life now* *feels the other kisses and how he lets go of him and buries his face in his neck* *kisses him and murmurs "I love you too" against his neck but isn't sure if he heard it* *then hears Carlos declare: "That's it Brudi, now it's Matteo's turn! Brudi, stop cuddling and show Abdi how it's done!"* *grumbles slightly but slowly pulls away from David* *then sees Carlos grin at David: "If you want to you can have me as a replacement!"*

David: *smiles slightly when Matteo kisses his neck and can only guess what he murmurs* *simply feels really happy right now and sighs quietly when Carlos announces that it's Matteo's turn* *lets go of him so that he can sit somewhere where he can reach the controller better and has to laugh when he hears Carlos' suggestion* *wiggles his eyebrows looking at the now-vacant armrest and says* Unfortunately I can only offer you an armrest… *is a little astonished at first but then laughs when Carlos really jumps up and lets himself fall down on the armchair and wraps an arm around him: "Like that?!"* *laughs even more but puts some distance between them* Umm... well... *sees Carlos' mock offended look: "What?! Am I not enough for you?!"* *laughs again and also hears Jonas and Abdi laugh* *is a little overwhelmed right now and is glad when Carlos sits up a little straighter and takes his arm off him and instead puts it on the backrest* *hears Abdi tell Matteo: "Alright – the clock is ticking!" and then watches Matteo play*

Matteo: *gets up and squeezes himself next to Jonas so that he can see the screen better* *then sees what Carlos is doing with David and is almost tempted to throw a pillow at him* *but then drops that thought because Carlos has already had to deal with enough today* *so only laughs slightly and imitates Carlos by making a comment that Carlos often says* I could say something now... *sees Carlos simply grin and shrug at him* *then hears Abdi announce that the clock is ticking and starts the game* *while playing realizes that he's still quite good at it and that it's a lot of fun* *finishes level 28 within a little more than 5 minutes and pumps his fists in the air in triumph*

David: *grins and is happy for Matteo when he moves up a level and joins in on the others' bellowing* *then reaches for his apple juice and takes a sip when he feels Carlos pats him on the shoulder and then asks everyone: "Ey but back to Kiki... what should I act like now? I don't want to seem too clingy, but if I don't somehow tell her how important this is for me she might really think that I wouldn't care or something like this..."* *puts down his apple juice and first waits for what the others are going to say* *but only hears Jonas say: "Just tell her exactly that...", but he’s concentrating more on the screen and Matteo's game* *also glances at the game but then says to Carlos* I kind of agree with Jonas. *briefly gnaws on his bottom lip and thinks before adding* I would definitely tell her that she's important to you and that it's important to you that you continue the relationship and to see each other regularly... I think that doesn't come across as too clingy or anything...* *shrugs* And you can simply ask her opinion about changing universities to go back to Berlin after one or two semesters in Halle... I mean if that's even possible... *sees Carlos run a hand through his hair and look slightly desperate: "Man, I really hope that works out! No one manages four years of long-distance relationship, right!?"* *hears Abdi: "Man, Brudi, just enjoy the time while she's still here!"*

Matteo: *starts the next level and therefore can't really participate in the conversation* *hears what the others are saying and nods in agreement* *only says* I agree... *hears Jonas laugh: "To what exactly?"* *feels a little caught and says* Umm... to what David said... *hears Jonas and also Abdi laugh again: "Of course!"* *pauses the game and leans back* No, seriously... I agree... you can't play any games now... tell her the truth... what you want, I mean... *then grins slightly* Make a clear statement... sometimes that works out really well...

David: *grins at Matteo's words and Abdi's and Jonas' laughter and lovingly looks at Matteo* *then nods at Matteo’s words and decisively adds* Exactly! *sees Carlos look between them and then hears him ask: "So it worked out for you that way?"* *laughs quietly but also grimaces slightly* *hesitates a little and looks over to Matteo to check in before he carefully says* Let's put it this way... if we... well, or mostly me... would have made clear statements from the beginning, we would have gotten together 4 weeks earlier and would have saved us a lot of... crap... *thinks that it wasn't only crap but lovesickness at its best but doesn't say it* *is glad that those times are behind them* *looks at Carlos and says* Believe me, if you are open you save yourself a lot of crap! And Kiki, as well... *sees Carlos nod and hears him sigh: "Okay, I'll try..."* *then hears Jonas: "It's really something that Davenzi seem to be our new experts when it comes to relationships, right?!"* *laughs quietly and shakes his head* Sure, because we have sooo much experience...

Matteo: *smiles and nods slightly when David looks at him* *then nods slightly at his answer* Well, we did have a few clear statements that led to success... *nods again when David is talking about openness* *laughs at Jonas' words and looks at him* Davenzi, seriously? *then shakes his head at David's words* It's only about the success rate and it's definitely the highest in our case *laughs when Jonas and Carlos simultaneously complain with "Ey!"* *only laughs drily and then continues playing*

David: *grins at Matteo's addition and nods* Yes, to the small successes... *thinks about the fact that he immediately showed up at Matteo's doorstep when he held a gun to his head and about the fact that his coming-out to Matteo was also a small success – even though there was a bit of a time lag because it has somehow been ruined by the outing in the school* *has to grin when Carlos and Jonas simultaneously complain about Matteo, but doesn't further comment on it further and watches Matteo play* *at some point hears Carlos again: "Ey, Brudi, but I have one more question: If openness is so great and leads to success why weren't you, like, open to Matteo from the beginning?"* *takes a deep breath and then says: "Because I was scared... that Matteo would no longer like me when I'm open..."* *sees Carlos nod satisfied: "That's what I thought! And I am also scared of openness even though I theoretically know that it's for the best!"* *laughs quietly and shakes his head* That's something completely different. You're already together with Kiki and you know that she loves you! She knows you! *clears his throat and then says a little more insecurely* In my case it was more about being afraid that Matteo would no longer like me once he learns that I'm trans. I just felt like I would keep an important detail about me from him... but Kiki already knows everything about you and probably loves you because of it... *sees Carlos stare at him and doesn't know if it's a good sign or a bad sign and if Carlos understood what he was trying to say or not* *at some point feels Carlos put his arm around his shoulders again and hears him say: "Ey, Brudi! I think it's better if you talk to Kiki for me..."* *laughs quietly and only says* Nonsense, you can do it...

Matteo: *at first doesn't really hear Carlos' question because he has to focus on an opponent* *only realizes Jonas getting a little tense next to him* *but then hears David's answer and quickly glances over at them, after all* *is a little annoyed that he has missed the question* *is glad when Abdi nudges him and tells him "your time's up"* *pauses the game and looks over at Carlos and David* *has to grin at David's answer because it's true and David can say it so well* *can't really blame Carlos for suggesting that David should talk to Kiki* *hears Jonas laugh next to him: "Good idea, we'll turn David into our relationship guru, if there’s anything wrong you can talk to Hanna for me..."* *hears Abdi say: "Only poor Matteo has to do his relationship conversations for himself..." *grins and shrugs* I can manage...

David: *blushes when even Jonas starts with Hanna, lowers his gaze and shakes his head* I can't really do that, either... only in theory... *then hears Abdi and Matteo and lovingly looks at Matteo* Exactly! Basically Matteo is even better at it than I am... he was much more open and brave! *sees Jonas look at Matteo with a smile and Carlos look at Matteo scrutinizingly and how he eventually shakes his head: "No, I don't believe it!"* *leans forward and pours some more apple juice* *shrugs and grins slightly* But it's true... *then realizes that Carlos is distracted and looking at the screen: "Ey, is it my turn? Is the time up?!"* *hears Abdi laugh: "Today you don't notice anything, Digga..."* *sees Carlos get up and shoo Matteo from his spot: "Move over... or go back over there to cuddle... it's my turn!"* *takes a sip and was just about to lean back and relax while Carlos sits down and reaches for the controller when he looks at him and Matteo again: "Ey, but I have one more question for you: If you were in this situation now, let's say Luigi has a university spot in Berlin and David in Halle... what would you do then?"* *feels a stab in his stomach because those are exactly the thoughts he had at the beginning of this whole Kiki-Carlos long-distance-relationship-drama, so only shakes his head and murmurs* You don't even wanna know... *then gets up and asks* Where's the bathroom? *has to go anyways and doesn't really want to answer the question honestly and is therefore glad when Abdi immediately answers: "Next to the front door!"* *nods and lightly runs a hand over Matteo’s arm on his way out of the living room as Matteo has now made his way back to the armchair*

Matteo: *shakes his head* That's not true... you're really good at it... *slightly shakes his head when David says that he's much better at it* *but then smiles when he looks at him like this* *sticks his tongue out at Carlos* Did you hear? It's true! *only laughs when Carlos realizes that it's his turn and gets up from his seat* *takes his beer from the table when Carlos asks the question and freezes slightly* *immediately knows the answer but also knows that David probably doesn’t not want to hear it* *immediately looks at David and doesn't really know what he wants to say with the answer* Umm... *then sees David basically flee from the living room and lets himself drop on the armchair with a sigh* *hears Carlos say a little remorseful: "Sorry, did I put my foot in my mouth?"* *shakes his head* No... don't know... not really... I told him that I would go wherever he goes... I have no idea what I want to do, anyways...

David: *is in the bathroom and hopes that they will be done with the topic when he returns to the living room* *has been asking himself the theoretical question of what would happen if Matteo and he were to be in a similar situation and caught himself thinking that he would then study something else that he could do closer to Matteo* *has been really shocked about that thought and therefore not really thought about it much further – but because of Carlos' question it has come back* *knows that it's all just in theory but still worries about what if Matteo really does find something that interests him, and that Matteo and him feel so comfortable in Berlin and that their friends are here, that it would actually be crazy to leave that city again* *still can't get used to the idea that Matteo would really go with him and sacrifice himself so much that he simply hopes that his applications in Hamburg and Köln won't work out and that he'll instead get accepted in Potsdam or Berlin* *then also wonders why Kiki has already received her acceptance letter and he hasn’t, and thinks that his letters will probably arrive within the next few days* *stares at himself in the mirror for some time after washing his hands but then sighs quietly and goes back into the living room* *then sees that Carlos is now playing and that the others are concentrating and commenting on the game* *sits down on the armrest next to Matteo and with a smile runs his hand through his hair* *then also looks at the screen and is glad that they seem to be done with that topic*

Matteo: *sees everyone nod and hears Jonas say: "I get it... I still hope that you'll stay in Berlin."* *sees everyone nod again and how Carlos then starts to play* *looks toward the bathroom and hopes that David is all right and that he isn't thinking of some worst-case-scenarios right now* *smiles when he comes back and sits down next to him* *immediately leans his head against him and searches for his hand to squeeze it* *wants to ask him if everything is okay or at least tell him that he still wants to go wherever he goes, but thinks that right now isn't the right moment and plans on mentioning it when they are alone again*

David: *puts his arm around Matteo when he leans his head against him and presses a quick kiss on his hair* *entwines their fingers when he reaches for his hand and briefly returns the squeeze* *then figures that as long as they're together nothing else matters and relaxes again somewhat* *at some point hears Abdi ask: "Do we take any games on our trip or are we going cold turkey?"* *hears Carlos: "I'm against cold turkey!" and Jonas: "Ey, the girls will kill us if we bring the playstation! It's about doing stuff with everyone..."* *sees Abdi grin: "That's what we're doing right now!"* *also grins slightly* Yes, but maybe outside... with exercise and stuff... *sees Carlos grimace slightly for a moment: "And what are we gonna do if it rains for a week!"?*

Matteo: *closes his eyes a little because it's simply so comfortable right now* *only shakes his head slightly at Abdi's question* *laughs slightly and opens his eyes again* The girls won't see it like that... *grins at Carlos' question and wiggles his eyebrows* Lie in the tent and listen to the rain... *hears everyone laugh and Carlos say: "Yeah, yeah, you ol' romantic."* *only shrugs and grins*

David: *also laughs quietly at Matteo's words and tenderly runs a hand through his hair when he talks about lying in the tent when it rains* *thinks that it sounds really cozy and murmurs to Matteo* We'll do that! *sees Jonas stretch and hears him say: "Well, too bad that Carlos won't be able to as he's not sleeping in a tent..." and Carlos' answer: "Ey, I’ll definitely sleep one night in a tent – no matter what Kiki says!" and Abdi: "Oh, I'm quite happy with my spot on the couch..." and Jonas: "Wuss!" and Abdi: "Ey, it's totally not chill in a tent when it rains! If you have to go to the bathroom at night or something like that..." and Jonas again: "Man, then you just hold it or you just get a few drops of rain! How awful! Besides, it's not going to rain! We are going to have sunshine for two weeks and go into the lake every days!"* *amusedly listens to the conversation while running a hand over the back of Matteo's hand* *is really excited for their holiday and really hopes that the weather will be more or less good* *suddenly hears Carlos: "Ey, David, Brudi, how will it be for you and the lake, anyways... you'll come in with us during our holiday, right?"* *feels himself get a little tense at Carlos' question and eventually answers a little nervously and sheepishly* Hmmm, I... dunno... I think so. *is glad that he has at least ordered the swim binder but really doesn't know yet if he'll be brave enough to actually wear it and swim in the lake with the others*

Matteo: *only grins about the conversation about rain and tent* *doesn't think that’s going to be a problem* *only hopes that Carlos won't show up in their tent in the middle of the night* *then hears his question and immediately looks at David to see his reaction and to save him if he needs to* *squeezes his hand slightly* We can decide that spontaneously, right? *sees Carlos shrug* *then hears Abdi say: "We really don't care, dude. What you were or whatever..."* *shoots him an evil glance and grumbles* But it's not about you.

David: *returns Matteo's squeeze and is glad that he's here and that he understands him* *nods at his words and then gets even more embarrassed when he hears Abdi's words, even though he's sure he only means well* *hears Jonas agree with Matteo: "I agree. It's about the fact that David has to feel comfortable."* *smiles slightly and gratefully and then hears Carlos, who briefly looks up from the game and looks at him: "Well, but Abdi is also right. Maybe it even makes it somehow easier for you if you know that we really don't care. Aren't there those neoprene thingies... the ones that divers wear or something like that... if you wear something like that, for example, then you wouldn't even see anything, right?"* *briefly presses his lips together and nervously squeezes Matteo's hand because it’s completely new for him that this topic is discussed so openly and he doesn't really know what to make of it* *on the one hand thinks that it's really good to hear that the others don't care but on the other hand thinks that it's still his body, which he doesn't like at all the way it is, and he can't really estimate if he'll ever be able to deal with it as matter-of-factly as the others would like him to* *hesitates before eventually answering* Well... it's... cool that you don't care... *sighs quietly and shakes his head before quietly adding* ...but I do... *shrugs and insecurely responds to Carlos' comment* There are swim binders –  they are similar to those neoprene diving tops... I... hmmm... I ordered one of those... but I really don't know yet, if I... *stops because he realizes that it's really difficult and is therefore glad when Jonas saves him: "Ey, Brudi, don't worry! If you feel like swimming and you're feeling comfortable, then just do it, and if you don't, then don't! Everything’s chill!"* *nods and sees Carlos and Abdi nod as well* *relaxes a little and then hears Abdi say to Carlos: "Ey, your time is up! It's David's turn!"* *grins slightly and waves it off* You can have 10 minutes from me – I promised... *sees Carlos grin and Abdi comment: "Ey, 10 minutes is really a lot..."* *leans a little more against Matteo and enjoys the 10 minutes of closeness to him he has left* *thinks that – as uncomfortable as talking about it is – it might be really good if the guys know how hard it is for him to go into the water and that they won't argue about it every day when they're at the lake – that it might somehow take away some of the pressure and that it really might be a little easier for him to really go swimming with them*

Matteo: *squeezes David's hand a little tighter and also changes his position a little so that he can wrap his arm around him* *nods at what Jonas says and is happy that he understands it* *is also happy that Abdi and Carlos are so cool with all of that but can also understand that it might be a little too much for David* *presses a kiss on David's temple and is glad when they seem to change the subject* *whispers at David* If you want to leave, you'll tell me, right?

David: *smiles slightly at Matteo’s words and murmurs* Everything okay… *thinks that it really is okay… the guys are interested and understanding and no one is pressuring him… it is probably just a feeling he still has to get used to* *then watches Carlos’ game again with the others until he pauses to take a sip of beer* *hears Jonas: “Ey, dude, get on with it… I’m meeting Hanna soon and I want to play again, as well!"* *sees Carlos shake his head unsympathetically and calmly put his beer back on the table: “Don’t rush me, Brudi! First, the mountain troll…”* *grins slightly when Carlos starts playing again but doesn’t manage to defeat the mountain troll* *hears Jonas groan: “Just let David play – he can do it!” and Carlos: “One more try!”* *watches as Carlos doesn’t manage it on his next try and then sees him hold the controller out to him* *grins slightly, quickly kisses Matteo on the forehead and then sits down on the floor in front of the armchair again and tries his luck with the mountain troll*

Matteo: *nods slightly when David says that everything is okay* *laughs when Jonas says that Carlos should let David play* *lets go of David when it’s his turn* *then watches Carlos make some space and reaches his arms out for him* *grins at him broadly* Come on, Carlos, I also need a replacement! *laughs when Carlos basically jumps on top of him and when he cuddles him* *hits him slightly and then pushes him back a little, after all* *hears Jonas laugh and say: “Well if Carlos was jealous because you were talking to Abdi then I’m jealous now, too… do you remember when I used to be your cuddle-buddy, Luigi?"* *gapes at him in shock and immediately looks at David to see his reaction* *hears Jonas backtrack quickly as he seems to have noticed what he had just said: “Well, I mean… not that I desperately want to cuddle you, but…”* *sees him shrug a little helplessly*

David: *starts the game and can see Carlos jump on Matteo from the corner of his eyes* *laughs quietly* *then hears Jonas and at first doesn’t think anything of it – only after Jonas stammers and backtracks does he realize what Jonas just said* *feels something tighten inside him but tries not to let it show because he thinks that it’s silly because they have already cleared this thing up and also because he doesn’t want Abdi and Carlos to notice anything and ask questions* *remembers how hard it was for Matteo to tell Jonas and wants to spare him from also having to explain himself to Abd and Carlos* *stares at the screen stubbornly and slightly petrified and presses some random buttons without really paying attention to what he’s doing until he hears Abdi: “Ey, dude, David what are you doing?! You definitely won’t defeat the troll like that!"* *forces himself to stop being so rigid and clears his throat because he somehow has a small lump in his throat* *murmurs without looking at anyone* Sorry… my mind was somewhere else… *takes a deep breath and concentrates* *actually manages to defeat the troll after only a short time and hears Abdi and Carlos cheer* *only smiles slightly but is still rather looking at the screen than anywhere else* *doesn’t want to see in neither Jonas’ nor Matteo’s faces that they are somehow worried about him*

Matteo: *looks from Jonas to David and watches him closely* *sees his shoulders get tense and that he’s rigidly staring at the screen* *then almost flinches when Abdi reprimands David* *would love to pull David into a hug to have him close and take away the tension* *looks at Carlos and asks* How much time does he have left? *hears Carlos say: “3 minutes”* *nods slowly and then says* Do we want to get going after? Or maybe just go outside for a minute? *hears Abdi ask: “What? Why that? The night’s still young!"*

David: *is a little annoyed that he gave Carlos his 10 minutes as he’d rather stare at the screen for 13 more minutes than only three* *then hears Matteo’s suggestion and doesn’t really know how to place it* *hears Carlos: “I don’t care either way… I still have beer here and it’s actually quite cozy right now, but if the majority wants to go outside…”* *doesn’t really care, either, but would rather stare at the screen for a little longer to avoid other topics of conversation* *murmurs slightly distracted* Jonas still wanted to play… he has to go meet Hanna afterwards, anyway… *plays for a little longer and then hears Abdi: “Time’s up!"* *pauses the game, briefly looks at Jonas to hand him the controller and sees him looking at him a little worried* *only lifts his eyebrows for a moment and smiles slightly to signal him that everything’s okay before looking away again* *doesn’t really like himself right now because this topic is stuck in his head once again and because he actually wanted to put it behind him and because he probably even would have managed if Jonas hadn’t somehow acted worried* *leans back against the armchair again, pulls his legs closer, wraps his arms around them and watches Jonas start the game*

Matteo: *doesn’t take his eyes off David* *knows that he doesn’t like it when people worry about him but can’t really change that right now* *especially since it’s his fault and his stupid crush from the past* *scoots a little and then slides off the armchair to the floor next to David* *doesn’t know what to say, especially with Carlos and Abdi within hearing distance* *so simply stays next to hm and waits, basically offering himself without doing anything* *is quite glad that Abdi and Carlos are busy watching Jonas* *thinks that otherwise at least one of them would notice that something is going on*

David: *feels Matteo slide down next to him and knows exactly that he’s worried* *usually finds it quite cute but right now wishes that he wouldn’t* *stares at the screen for a little longer but then can no longer ignore Matteo’s presence next to him and looks over at him* *sees that Matteo immediately returns his gaze, lifts his eyebrows and tilts his head slightly as if to say: “Stop worrying!"* *lets his legs fall to the side against Matteo’s to somehow signal him that everything is okay, that it’s neither Matteo’s nor Jonas’ problem that those thoughts are still somehow occupying his mind* *still trusts Matteo but still can’t really do anything about this stupid feeling in his gut*

Matteo: *is at least somewhat relieved when David finally looks at him* *but immediately sees that what he already thought is true: that David doesn’t want him to worry* *shrugs one shoulder and grimaces briefly as if to say: “I can’t really help worrying about you”* *then slightly bumps him back with his legs* *then reaches his arm out and carefully wraps it around David’s shoulders* *then hears Carlos behind him: “Ey, Abdi, what are you looking at?"* *hears Abdi answer: “At those two… that’s so sick… they’re not saying a single word, but something’s going on!"* *slightly rolls his eyes and shakes his head* *hears Jonas say: “Leave them be. It’s fine."*

David: *slightly rolls his eyes at Matteo’s expression, grins slightly and shakes his head as if to tell him that he should try* *then tears his gaze away from Matteo when he feels him wrap his arm around him and hesitates for only a few seconds before slightly leaning against Matteo* *then hears Carlos, Abdi and Jonas and at first feels his heartbeat speed up because he thinks that they did notice that they are acting weird* *tenses a little for only a moment, but then puts on a slightly provocative grin and says* We’re communicating telepathically… really cool! *sees Abdi look at him in slight disbelief and has to laugh quietly*

Matteo: *also freezes a little because he actually doesn't want to explain himself* *is therefore grateful to Jonas and then David that they are taking some of the tension away* *then hears Abdi: "Oh really, and what did you say?"* *is just about to answer when he hears Carlos: "Dude, if they wanted you to hear it they would have said it out loud!"* *sees Abdi nod: "Yes, okay... I just wanted to see if it works... David, I'll whisper something in your ear and then you have to tell it to Matteo telepathically!"* *can't help but to laugh at the suggestion and looks at David challengingly* Well, then, go on...

David: *freezes slightly when he hears Abdi's question but then nods at Carlos' question with a slight grin* *then laughs at Abdi's suggestion and looks to Matteo a little doubtful when he even agrees* *but then sighs and says* Okay... *pulls away from Matteo's arm and crawls the two meters toward Abdi* *has to grin when he sees Abdi seemingly think about it, but then sees him grin, lean toward him and whispers into his ear: "Matteo is a looser at Zelda!"* *briefly lifts his eyebrows but then nods with a grin and crawls back to Matteo* *sits down in front of him cross-legged and can barely contain his laughter* Okay.... concentrate! *takes a deep breath and then gets serious* *looks at Matteo and then points at him with his eyes, rolls his eyes as if to diss him and then uses his eyes and his head to slightly point toward the screen* *then briefly lowers his gaze, grins again slightly and then looks at Matteo* *murmurs* Come on, you can do it!

Matteo: *closely observes David and Abdi* *sees Abdi look a little mischievous and David lift his eyebrows* *thinks that it's definitely something against him* *also sits down cross-legged and looks at David* *nods* Yes, sir. *nods in confirmation when he rolls his eyes, was already expecting this* *then sees him glance toward the screen and has to laugh slightly* Hmmm... let me think how Abdi would put it... Matteo sucks at Zelda. *hears Carlos laugh and sees Abdi shake his head: "Dude, that's creepy!"*

David: *looks at Matteo expectantly when he thinks and then grins broadly when he almost has the right answer* *briefly looks at the others, who are grinning, laughing and looking gobsmacked and then simply leans forward to Matteo* *presses a brief kiss onto his mouth and murmurs* We're good... *didn't really think that it would work like that without any context and is a little proud of Matteo and himself* *then scoots back towards the armchair and hears Abdi: "Yes, okay, but that was really easy... I should have said something political or so..."* *shrugs slightly and grinningly says* Unfortunately, there's only one show per day... *hears Carlos say: "And next time it's my turn! Then David has to telepathically read something from Matteo!"* *slightly shakes his head and laughs quietly* *wonders if Abdi and Carlos are really taking this serious or if they are simply playing along* *then hears Jonas: "Fuck, I have to get going... I totally forgot the time with your telepathy-stuff..."*

Matteo: *grins and pumps his fist in the air when he obviously guessed right* *kisses David back and grins* Of course we're good. *only laughs when Abdi finds excuses and shakes his head* *shakes his head at David's comment and points at Carlos* What? Are you scared that you can't read me as well as I can read you? *but grins at him while he says it and isn't really serious about it* *then hears Jonas and gets up to say goodbye to him* Say hi to Hanna and tell her to text me where we are supposed to meet tomorrow, ok?

David: *only shrugs his shoulders with a grin at Matteo's question and thinks that they maybe should practice a little in case Carlos really asks them again* *then sees Matteo get up to say goodbye to Jonas and averts his gaze when they hug* *is a little annoyed at himself because of it, because everything was okay between Jonas and him* *hears Jonas answer: "Will do!"* *sees Jonas ruffle Carlos' hair and return Abdi's fist bump* *then sees Jonas' hand appear in front of his face when he holds it out to him invitingly: "Come on, Brudi, let me give you a hug!"* *knows that Jonas wants to make it easy for him and is actually pretty grateful to him* * hesitates only briefly but then takes his hand and lets Jonas pull him up* *then gets hugged and hears him whisper: "Sorry about earlier..."* *slightly shakes his head and murmurs* Everything's okay... *returns Jonas' smile when he pulls away from him and lets Jonas pat his shoulder again before Jonas says his goodbyes to everyone with the words: "Stay clean!"* *lets himself fall back into the armchair and sees that Abdi has already picked up the controller and started the game again* *looks at Matteo and knows exactly that he has observed the scene between him and Jonas and probably wonders again if everything's okay* *sighs quietly, smiles slightly and reaches his hands out for him*

Matteo: *has remained next to the armchair after he said goodbye to Jonas to see if David might also want to leave* *watches Jonas pull David up and actually thinks that it's a good thing* *but also hopes that it's not too much for David* *tries to see his face but unfortunately only sees his back* *then sees David sit down, what seems to be a good sign* *smiles slightly when he reaches his arms out for him, sits down on the armchair and leans against David* *sees Carlos and Abdi both sitting on the couch and how Abdi reaches for the controller* *lifts his head a little so that his mouth is closer to David's ear and whispers* Level-up, alright? You're the top level, unreachable...

David: *wraps both arms around Matteo when he leans against him like that and runs a hand through his hair* *enjoys being close to Matteo and thinks that the stupid feeling in his gut doesn't have anything to do with Matteo and actually neither with Jonas but that it’s only his stupid insecurity for which there is no rational reason* *then feels Matteo lift his head and slightly leans toward him when he realizes that Matteo wants to say something to him* *then hears his words and needs a minute to really understand them* *then feels his heartbeat pick up and suddenly feels a lump in his throat again because Matteo is simply incredible and because there is no reason to doubt the relationship to Matteo or to doubt himself because Matteo doesn’t, either, and because he's doing everything he can to prove to him how important he is to him* *swallows the lump and kisses his cheek because that's the only thing he can reach right now and murmurs into his ear* Except for you... *doesn't really notice anymore what Abdi and Carlos are doing and talking about on the couch because right now he's so caught up in Matteo's presence that he briefly wonders if they shouldn't go home, after all* *wraps his arms around Matteo a little tighter and buries his face on Matteo's shoulder*

Matteo: *feels that David doesn't immediately understand what he means and immediately doubts having found the right words* *thinks about what else he could say, how to take away this stupid feeling from David that there could be anything that could become dangerous to him, to them both* *but then feels the kiss on his cheek and is relieved* *is just about to scoot a little so that he can kiss him properly when he hears his words* *actually wants to shake his head but suppresses it* *simply wraps his arms around him and kisses his hair* *whispers* Let's go home, ok?

David: *smiles at Matteo's words and briefly thinks that the telepathy thing even works when they're not looking at each other* *nods into his shoulder, slowly pulls away from him and looks at the others* *meets Carlos' gaze, who has his eyebrows drawn up: "Ey, let me guess... you'd rather continue making out in peace and want to go home!"* *laughs quietly and shrugs* Is it that obvious?! *sees Abdi nod without looking away from the screen: "Pretty..."* *pulls away from Matteo some more and hears Carlos: "It's actually outrageous! There we are saying that it doesn't bother us when you’re always hanging around each other and make out – and instead we're the ones bothering you when you’re making out! Ey, you're really intolerant!"* *but sees him grin and then realizes that he's not really serious about it*

Matteo: *grins slightly when the two complain* You two prefer to be alone as well... to plan your flatshare, right? *sees Abdi's gaze brighten: "Oh yes, good idea!"* *grins and gets up from the armchair* *sees Carlos grin: "You've been together for so long now and you still ditch us to make out!"* *draws up his eyebrows* Not for thaaaat long... *sees Carlos grin and hears him say: “Get out of here already!"* *briefly hugs him and quickly shakes Abdi's hand* Ey, but if there's anything... because of Kiki or something like that... you can text anytime, ok? *hears Carlos: "I know that, Brudi, take care"* *waits for David to also say goodbye and then leaves the apartment with him*

David: *grins when Carlos says that they should get out of here and also hugs him briefly because he stood up to do so* *hears Carlos say to him: "Ey and think about swimming again... it's gonna be awesome!", simply smiles briefly and nods* I will... *fist bumps Abdi, because he didn't get up and wishes them fun with planning their flatshare* *then leaves the apartment together with Matteo and silently follows him down the stairs to their bikes* *then has to wait because Matteo has locked his bike onto his and takes a deep breath* *thought that the afternoon was nice albeit a little emotionally exhausting – first the thing with Kiki and the long-distance-relationship, Carlos' speech about how welcome he is in their circle of friends, then him defending Matteo's protective instinct, Carlos using "retarded" again, then the discussion about swimming and finally the thing with Jonas and Matteo – and all of that within only 3 hours* *now simply enjoys the quiet and that he's alone again with Matteo*

Matteo: *unlocks their bikes and moves his bike aside so that David can reach his'* *watches him* *then doesn't get onto his bike and instead pushes it and looks over to him* *slightly tilts his head when he also looks over* Do you want to talk or... just cycle home?

David: *unlocks his bike and then pushes it over to Matteo and keeps pushing it alongside him* *at some point notices Matteo looking at him and returns his look* *smiles slightly at his question and thinks about it* *actually wants to talk about a lot of things – except maybe the thing with Jonas – but doesn't really know where to begin right now and what he should say* *therefore asks quietly* Let's just cycle home for now...? *quickly adds* Unless you would like to talk... *looks at him scrutinizingly* *actually doesn't want Matteo to always only consider his feelings and to always put himself last*

Matteo: *hears his answer and nods* *has already expected that* *stops to get onto his bike when David adds something* *thinks about it for a moment but then shrugs* Dunno... I... somehow I do... but it somehow was a lot today. *shrugs again* Maybe we should go to your place first?

David: *sees Matteo think about it and then smiles slightly when he says that he somehow does want to talk* *nods when he says that it had been a lot today* Oh yeah... *then nods again when Matteo says that they should go to his place first* *pushes his bike next to Matteo's and then starts getting up but then quickly leans over to Matteo again to quickly kiss him* *smiles slightly and then asks* And then talk and order pizza? You haven't eaten anything in over four hours... I'm a little surprised that you haven't collapsed from hunger yet... *grins and quickly runs a hand through his hair before really getting on his bike*

Matteo: *grins into the kiss and nods slightly* *then also starts getting on his bike* *tilts his head and looks at him amused* Haha... then it's high time before I really do collapse... *then also grins at him and starts cycling after him* *is somehow happy that they can still joke and kiss even though there is something going on* *has a fluttering feeling in his gut, maybe something like safety, maybe something like trust that this will really work no matter what* *really likes that*

(next play)

[thorsstorms]

Abroad Pt. 19

Summary: Being the Hemsworth Kids’ Nanny, you were vowed to keep it strictly professional for their sake, but do the stolen glances go unnoticed between you both?

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: y’all know I’m a bitch for angst by now right?

A/N: @hildehuffles this ones for you. ALSO. THE YOUTUBE CHANNEL IM TALKING ABOUT IS YES THEORY. I was in Venice a couple weeks ago, and felt like adding in a little get away like I had done. I told no one I was going and literately hopped on a plane with an Airbnb secured. #SeekDiscomfort also one of the best trips to LA I had ever taken. 10/10 recommend. 

Masterlist

Your eyes were glued to the generously sized television screen mounted on the wall, holding the flimsy bottle of water tight in your hands. The conversation took a swift turn with only a sentence spoken and it was the two of you dressed at the premier that was painting the background. You knew she was only doing this to tease him, and the sly comments he made in turn settled your nerves.

“So Chris… Who? Who‘s that?” His eyes were drawn to the monitor, not startled at all by her outburst but calm, with a telltale pink tint creeping up and a squinty eyed smile trying to stay buried.

The crowd whoops in retaliation.

He stayed silent a moment more, staring at the monitor, thinking of a way to answer until the crowd calms down. The comedian looks mischievous, obviously taking pride in his suffering though she knows exactly who you are now. The crowd doesn’t need to know that detail. She only means to tease, it’s who she was!

He folds his hands, rubbing them together before simply saying, “I have never seen that woman in my life.” Obviously joking. 

“Oh come on!” she pushed, glowing eyes with a smile stretching across her cheeks.

“Yea, yea. That is my girly-friend, you could say. It’s-It’s weird to say that because I feel like she’s more than just a girlfriend, you know?” He glances again back at the large picture behind him before running a hand down the side of his face, focusing back forwards. He knows you are just watching the screen, glued to the screen at that, in the green room. He didn't know what you were thinking! It could go one of two ways in his mind. Absolutely silently losing your mind or laughing in retaliation to his discomfort of not knowing what to say. Hopefully the latter.

“Oh! I know.” She jokes, full on laughing at him while he smirks but stares daggers playfully. She knows you were more than just a girlfriend in his mind now, but how could he resist the shot of you meeting and hugging Ellen Degeneres and not stick the ring up and snap a photo of the moment while you were faced away? She was a trustworthy person, or so he hoped. Not proven wrong so far.

“Okay, Okay,” she settles herself. “So tell me, where did you find her?” She was keen to the details.

“Uhh- The internet,” he says without missing a beat. You almost choke on your own spit at his fast response, not knowing whether to laugh or crawl into a hole. But the crowd loved it, laughing. He sure got a kick out of the response, thinking he, himself, was funny. Loser.

“You are joking.” Ellen says, dead panning him.

“No, no really. My, uh, my manager found her for me.” He continues on, deceiving the crowd. Depriving them of the whole truth.

“Oh my god, Chris,” you mutter to yourself in the quiet room. Ellen got a kick out of that even more, stopping him from continuing down this road. He obviously was not going to give straight forward answers.

“Okay, okay.” She switches to a different question. “So…” She dragged out for an effect. Maybe just to make him squirm.

“Oh no,” he mumbled. She just had a look, a look that told that she had so many wrong questions under her sleeve.

“You filming something Chris?” The crowd slowly grew to giggle when he didn’t answer. Just stared her down trying not to react.

“Do you have, like, anything I can answer?!” He burst with a chuckle, wiping his palms on his thighs. “I’m just in town, and agreed to come see you and you treat me like this!” His smile was bright while she muttered apologies, laughing at his distress.

The interview eventually calmed down, them playing a rapid fire game afterwards. You finally settle into the couch to watch the interactions.

That was so not as bad as it could have been. He knew what he was doing during interviews anyway, or you had hoped.

~

You slept in the next morning, only waking to acknowledge that he was leaving for the day. This was a free day to yourself and sleeping in as long as you wanted seemed like the best way to start.

He left you with a mere kiss on the nose before he trudged out the door. The night before was yet another dismissal and it left you flustered and annoyed as all get out, so the day to yourself was the best present around.

Regardless of how much you thought you wanted a calm day, you were texting him by noon, telling him you were bored. By the time he replied, a mere 45 minutes later you were already sucked into YouTube. You found a new channel that piqued your interest and were easily four videos in.

“Sorry princess. Come with me tomorrow?”

You read the preview and sighed, ignoring it for the moment and pressed play on the video again. These guys in the videos were entertaining... inspiring, even.

By the time the fifth video started, their names were easily remembered. What sparked interest even more was the fact that they are based out of Venice Beach, a mere 45 minute drive through LA, on a good day at least.

The video of them walking the sidewalks interviewing strangers that were bold enough to go on an adventure made you want to feel the same sun they were obviously surrounded in. The couch had been your home for the last hour, a window open to let in some light, shining gold streaks through the room, but it wasn't enough.

The rules that plagued yourself were on a repeat in your head as you clicked on another video, then another, and another. You were not supposed to be spending too much time staring at a screen. You weren't supposed to drive, or go out on your own because you are still healing. You're not supposed to be in such sunny areas it could hurt your eyes still. Don't do this, don't do that.

It is suffocating. Infuriating that the list of long don'ts probably repeats through Chris’s head like a mantra, that's why he won't touch you. That's why he won't let you touch him.

Anger slowly flowed through your mind as you started to lose focus on the video playing. You closed the app and opened google maps, staring at the words ‘Venice Beach’ in correlation to where you were stuck inside, across the city. It was like torturing yourself. A silent battle of wanting to just go, go and then think about it later.

You slowly rolled your shoulders back as you sat up on the cushions of the couch that were not as comfy as you had hoped. The time on the lock screen taunted back at you. You could go and make it back in enough time to be home before Chris got back. You scoffed at the thought. He wouldn't be happy, but you were an adult. A very capable adult who can make their own choices. Staying in your bubble of Byron almost makes you forget your own sense of independence. He doesn't get to decide what you can and can't do.

The bathroom light shone a tad brighter than the natural lighting in the living room, eyes squinting quickly at the flush. You moved to the sink to wash your face, pulled a hair tie to braid your hair, and picked out some clothes.

Double checking for your wallet and phone in your purse brought on second thoughts. You never answered his text. He probably wouldn't notice for a while anyway. You pushed away the small ache of neglect that settled inside, it wasn't his fault. He was working. It’s when he wasn't working, that's when brush offs hurt the most.

Checking your makeup again in the mirror to make sure the covering was adequate over the blueing bruises, you made your way out, pulling the door behind you after ordering an Uber to Venice.

Los Angeles wasn't all the glitz and glam that movies made it out to be. You learned that pretty fast last time you all had been here, with the kids. Having a temporary place in Burbank meant crossing the city often, though a quick commute for Chris. The studios were not but a 6 minute drive away. Ideal, yes. But fun, no.

The drive seemed quick, the driver was slightly chattier than what you thought was normal but you were not complaining. You may have just had a week with more adult action than you’d had in the last few months combined but you were never one to be impolite. You didn't say much, only that you've never visited Venice before and didn't know why, so you just said ‘why not?’.

When the vehicle came to a stop and a moment of regret flushed forward, but you pushed it back quick. Going by yourself was not the worst thing in the world. How else were you going to be able to see what you wanted to see? You didn't know anybody here in L.A. other than Chris. It wasn't like you could call Miley up and ask her to stroll around town with you. Well, you could. But - not like this.

You adjusted your own sunglasses as you walked the last block towards the water. The art on the walls were bright and gave off calm vibes. A skateboard whizzed past you quickly, catching you off guard. You sidestepped to the right of the sidewalk and watched him ride past you and others, closer towards the shops. Clutching your bag closer to your body, you continued, rounding the corner to what was familiar from the videos you had been so enamoured with.

Towering palm trees. Bikes, so many bikes. So many skateboards. You looked around a moment after making sure you were out of the walk way, admiring the ease of the people around. The skatepark up on the hill and the art lining the sidewalks it was all what you hoped to see from the video.

The shops were cute, making your way through a few. So many surf shops and all you could think about was guilt that Chris didn't know you left the apartment. Everything reminds you of him. A fire fight started in your brain - consisting of respect you had for having a partner versus having a sense of independency. You didn't have to disclose every footstep, you never expected him to, at least.

The spiral of your thoughts continued as you strolled across the sidewalks, leaving behind the shops. You took a seat in the grass overlooking the busy basketball courts and pulled your phone out. Ignoring the warmth on your shoulders from the sun, you checked for any notifications and were met with none.

Did you have a right to feel the way you were feeling at the moment?

Was it selfish? Was it hormones? Forget that.

But were you chalking it up to be something more, just a spiral of thoughts when he wasn't there to discredit them? Your clouds caused a moment of zoning out as you pondered.

You both spent all day yesterday together, he even made you dinner, working in the kitchen with music playing while you watched him from the couch. Admiring and happy to see him. A glint in your eyes that stayed, unsubdued. A girl can't help but be worked up when she had gone so long without him, pregnancy hormones were no help to the cause. All you wanted was for him to acknowledge what you had been repeatedly showing off.

You were horny.

There was no other way to put it. And a healing head injury was not going to magically make the want disappear, even if it seemed to have made the want disappear from himself. The thought made your stomach clench, remembering when he turned around and caught you staring at him with lustful, shameless eyes.

He knew the look. He knew it very well. But what happened when his eyes met you made your blood run cold, your feet quickly allowing you to leave the room so the hitch in your breath wasn't caught by his ears.

He had looked away from your gaze with a sigh, turning his back to you. Another word didn't leave his mouth until he had come to find you in the bedroom to tell you that dinner was ready. He stopped himself from pushing open the door when he heard you talking. The sadness in your voice, clouded with tears as you spoke to whoever was on the other line.

“We had such a good day, I had such a good day,” you corrected. “But, but I just-” you stopped a moment, taking in a shaking breath to gather your thoughts. He looked at his feet, bowing his head when the upset nature of the phone call settled in his mind.

“I just miss him so much Bri, and I feel like he just doesn't see me. I feel -”

Your speech was cut off by yelling through the line of the phone. You sucked in a breath and it came out in a shudder, trying to calm your own emotions. He didn't know what she was saying but it silenced you. He felt heavy with guilt that he was the source of your anguish. He needed to stop being weak. He was scared to hurt you but here he was, causing you pain repeatedly until he was the source of your tears. He didn't know if you were crying or not, but he could feel the pain and confusion behind your words.

You started to wrap up the call. A sting of “I know”s and “Okay”s spilled off your tongue and he made his way back to the kitchen, hoping you wouldn't feel upset if you knew that he was listening.

He stood plating the stir fry when you made your way back into the room with a grim smile, peaking at him and muttering ‘thank you’.

You remembered how he led you to the couch and played a random movie on the TV while you ate. He pulled you close to him when you both cleared you plates. The rush that had flooded through you made you blush. You sat there snuggled to him for almost an hour before you both headed to bed and he didn't touch you again.  He said all the right things, but words were hard at having such a meaning when his actions were iffy.

“I love you.”

“I'm glad you're here with me.”

“I missed you.”

“I love you, so much,” he would say with a rub on your arm.

A small kiss to your temple and you rolled on your side away from him, closing your eyes. Unbeknownst to you, he felt a bit of his heart break away when he watched you reach for the blankets and tug them to your shoulders, seeking them out for warmth rather than himself.

The empty notification screen mocked you, clicking the phone off once again. You looked up at your surroundings to admire the feel. It was busy, but not uncomfortably so. The skatepark behind you was bustling, and so were the basketball courts in front of you. But right there, where the grass was a soft green and you leaned against the raised plateau behind you, it was serene. Fairly quiet for the crowd around, but it was as if the sound didn't carry. The seagulls above were gliding, and the faint clicks of skate wheels hitting the ground blurred into the background noise of music coming from the shops.

It was a good spot to think. Something you have alway done far too much of.

The buzz in your hand had you snaping your head towards it, a dull ache spreading down your neck at the swift movement. The message had you jumping to your feet, making your way to the corner where you were dropped off.

“Almost done here. In the mood to go out for food?”

~

He beat you home, only by a minute though it seemed. As you were stepping out of the car and thanking the driver, your phone started ringing. You declined, tossing it into the mess of a purse you had as you made your way inside to the elevators, favoring talking to him in person instead.

The ride up seemed to go by faster than any other time before, allowing your nerves to revv in the light of Chris possibly being upset. The padding of your shoes made it to the door, your hand pushing it open.

His eyes met yours when the door opened and unsurprisingly the first words out of his mouth were, “where were you?”

“I just needed to get out for a bit,” you acknowledged lightly, setting your purse on the counter tops. You didn't meet his eyes, turning your back and digging for your phone. His voice was laced with curiosity, not expecting you to not be there when he arrived, even if you were only off by a mere minute or two.

“Where did you go?” He asked, keeping his feet planted. You turn to see him. He truly had just gotten here, a bag still thrown over his shoulder and shoes still on his feet. His brows furrowed as you met his eyes and then diverted from them again, absentmindedly rubbing your temple where bruises were covered.

“I went to Venice Beach, I haven't been there before and I just want to walk aro-”

“How did you get to Venice? Did you go by yourself?” He worried on with a malice tone. Your ears were growing red as he spoke.

“Yes I went by myself, who else would I have gone with?” You hissed at him. You could already feel your hands shaking. You knew you had worked yourself up today while you were out and were just waiting for the point to start a fight. Still completely confused on whether he deserved it or not, but you were beyond frustrated.

“I don't know anybody here! I have one friend who I barely see! Yes! I went by myself. I needed to be around people. I'm lonely!” You raised your voice at him. He stepped towards you with his hands out when your defense shot up. You crossed your arms around yourself protectively, delivering a sign of needing to be comforted, even if by your own arms.

“I'm sick of being by myself!” You told him as he grew closer, watching with pained eyes as you laid it out for him. “I just - God I don’t know. I just - I needed to get out and do something.”

“Hey,” he calmed. “Im right here.”

“No, Chris!” You pushed his outstretched hands away from your own. “You're not.” You took a deep breath while he stood speechless, catching an eyeful of the hurt you were carrying on your shoulders.

“Princess,” he pleaded, waiting for you to take a look at him but your eyes were wandering to any surface but his.You couldn't get the right words out to say. It had always been like this when you grew frustrated, your own vocabulary runs from your thoughts. You grew silent as a tear finally fell from your eyes but was quickly wiped away by his own fingers. When you didn't protest his touch he took that as a good sign. He muttered your name in surrender.

“What do you want me to do?” He watched for a reaction. “Tell me what I can do.” He was at a loss. Spending more time apart than together was a strain that was eerily familiar and it pressed down on him so hard he was ready to beg for understanding. He wanted to understand what he could do to make this better but what you said next caught him off guard, rendering him silent and confused.

“Do you love me?”

His eyes burned at the yearning of your question. The watery eyes that flicked to his in search of an answer. His lips were dropped open at the turn of events this evening had taken. He thought about this evening all day. He was going to let you choose the place for dinner and shower you with dessert, with love, and affection to make up for what he had overheard. He wanted to show you the beautiful diamond that had your name written all over it and ask a very important question.

He was too quiet, mulling over how he had gotten to this point while you stood with uncertainty, continuing on your quest of finding answers.

“I know I'm starting to look different,” your head bowed at the revelation that he might not like what he sees. “And we are so far apart alot, but I'm still me.”

He spoke your name, drawing himself from his silent trance, wanting you to stop now and not speak another incredulous word.

“My face,” you whispered sadly. “It will go away in a little bit...” The whole in your chest was opening, grabbing a hold of your voice and refusing to let another word out.

“Baby, stop,” his words filled the empty void when yours ceased. He eyed a hand of yours making its way to your neck, a sign of discomfort. He stopped it in its tracks and pulled you to his chest.

His arms cocooned you, holding you far too tight to be comfortable, but you needed it. To feel he was there and there with you. He pressed you head to his chest with the revelation of disregarding his own hesitancy of somehow hurting you with his touch. His heartbeat melding with your own as you froze, slowly melting your guard until tears wet his shirt.

If his goal was to keep you from harm, he failed. It was proven when you released the tension from your shoulders against his grip. His words repeated until you showed signs of listening. Words of reassurance and love. Words filled with apologies and pleads for you to forgive him for causing you this pain. He was naive to think of you in such a way. To make up a version of yourself that was weak or fragile. He lost sight of the fire you have in your veins when happiness emits from your aura. The glow you have when your body shakes from laughter. The strong independent girl that rounded the corner of his kitchen and introduced herself without a glitch of uncertainty. But here you were asking for reassurance and he knew it was his own fault.

You cried in his arms, letting him carry your weight from the room before he sat down on the bed and let you take a moment to breathe, curled atop his knees and listening to his voice.

“Hey,” He said, lifting a hand from your shoulder to run over his face, drying the wetness that plagued his own skin. “You are so beautiful that it takes my breath away. Perfect. And I mean in every sense. You will always be perfect. Princess I never want to hear you say those words again. You are so perfect. And always will be. We have a little baby growing.” You took a deep breath, picking your head off his shoulder and reaching down to lay a hand over the swell in your tummy.

“A baby!” He said, laying a hand over your own, though waiting for you to meet his eyes again. “You will look different, princess, and I will be here and love every single minute of it. I promise. No doctor appointments with Bri, I will be here. And this,” He brushed your hair away from your face, fingers lingering against your scalp. Your head tilted up and basked in the touch.

“This I take responsibility for. It eats me up inside, but you still take my breath away. Every time, and always will.” He watched as you looked at him and listened intimately to what he was saying. “And I want to be the person you go places with. You can go alone if you like,” he added, “but I will never not want to be by your side. Do you understand me?”

You look on a second more, gauging his expression and contemplating his words before you nod. “No more tears, please.” His hands moved to cradle your face, thumbs clearing the skin and in a flash his lips met yours. Filled with promise, he kissed you like you wished he would for days. You craved his taste and was letting you have it, finally feeding into the small fire in the pit of your stomach.

“I love you so much,” he whispered against your lips.

“I have something I want to show you,” he admitted, pulling away. A deep, clarifying breath escaped your lungs and he rubbed your back in turn, reaching in his pocket for his phone with the other hand.

His fingers fumbled across the screen, having to reenter the password twice. You looked away and laid your head into the crock of his neck, closing your eyes. Whatever it was, surely it could wait while your heart mellowed to a regular pace.

The peace was cut short when he whispered your name again, drawing your eyes open. He pushed his phone from his hand and into yours.

“There’s an album right here with your name on it.” You looked on at his camera albums listed on the bright screen. “And I want you to look through it.” He was certain with his words, urging you on.

“Why?” you asked, looking back up at him.

“I love you so much princess, I just want to show you, I want for you to know it and never question it again.” His sincerity was clear, nodding back down towards the phone in your hands. You opened it without a word and clicked on a photo. It was nice, from a few months back, but neither you nor India were looking towards him. She sat in front of you on the kitchen counter, clearly way past her bedtime. Both of you sneaking a bowl of ice cream but what stood out was the smile adorning both of your faces. Crazy hair and slightly sunburned cheeks laughing at each other. You remembered the night clearly, both of you having a private running joke to see how much ice cream you both could eat before Papa notices and “makes us eat salad for dinner”.

You sneaked a look up at him after glancing at the photo, “You know we sneak ice cream all the time, right?”

“Sure do,” he laughed in return. “Keep going.”

You looked back down at the phone and swiped to see another. A photo snuck from the doorway while you rested your head in your hand, elbows on the table as you watched the boys write something out on some paper in the homeschool room, reaching out with the other hand to point at something on Tristans’ sheet.

The next one was you sitting at the foot of the couch while India stood tall above you trying to put a braid in your locks while Sasha sat on your legs with a book in his hand. It was serene, calm. You pressed down on the picture to watch the Live, a short clip of fingers tangling in your hair and Sasha's voice reading aloud. You stifle a smile at it.

The next made you suck in a breath. You were sleeping in his bed at home, the sheet barely covering you. The curve of your back disappearing into the sheets, obviously sleeping in the nude, unaware of the camera pointed at you.

“Chris!” You teased, looking at him. And smirked and shrugged his shoulders, encouraging you again to continue. You brought your attention back to the photos, swiping through more and more. There were many and you kept going at a steady pace until another caught your eye.

You brought the screen to your eyes to examine it, brows furrowing in curiosity. Sasha’s room, although slightly messy, was easily recognizable as you lounged on the bed in the background, lying next to the boy.

Fingers trapping a small ring with an identifiable glow thrusting off the jewel perched atop. The pads of your fingers zoomed in on the object, at the same time, fairly sure your lungs stopped working.

You quickly swiped to the next picture, though the same ring adorned the foreground.

This time you stood against the bathroom counter brushing out your hair.  The circle of jewelry resting around his own finger, reaching just below the first knuckle before it got stuck. You stared at the daring ring, resisting the urge to look at the man whose chest was pressed against your shoulder, whose arm rested across your back, rubbing gently, urging for you to continue.

You covered your mouth at the next one, fingers resting across your lips in astonishment. The bare skin of your shoulders were accented by the waves of your hair falling over them. Eyes closed, rested against his chest in search of sleep. He was cheeky, smiling in the photo, showing off a glowin diamond on a ring far too small for his own fingers.

The next picture was another of the same nature. Then a photo of you reaching for a glass in the kitchen. One of you sleeping on a plane. One of you naked, behind the blurred glass of the shower doors. One of you staring intently at your phone while standing at the counter. One of you standing in the mirror, examining, no - admiring the form of your growing baby.

You knew Chris was up to something, fidgeting after taking that photo, looking guilty as all get out. A brief watery laugh escaped as you reached that one.

The next was hilarious, Ellen with her face over your shoulder, with a surprised look, staring right at the camera. She knew!

You looked up at him, waiting for an answer to these photos. He just smiled and nudged you till you finished. There were more, a few more, as recent as this morning before he snuck away to go to set.

“It’s for you, love,” his voice whispers against the skin of your neck, lowering his lips to press a kiss where he knows you melt no matter the circumstance. An arm tightened around your back as he leaned forward and reached under the mattress, pulling a hidden box from the crease. You glazed at it as he switched hands and then brought it to you, flipping it open.

It was there, in person and not in a photo, demanding attention is the slyest of ways. It was beautiful, extravagant with an essence of simplicity. Words were caught in your throat as you stared at it, slowly blurring from your vision from unwelcome tears.

“Will you marry me?”

[silverwhiteraven]

Borne of the Stars - Chapter 11 - An MLB Kryptonian AU

Tag List:  @eve-valution @weird-pale-blonde-person @kris-pines04 @soulmate-game @abrx2002 @amayakans @vixen-uchiha @heldtogetherbysafetypins @raisuke06 @dorkus-minimus @mopester-is-here @moonlightstar64 @annabellabrookes @toodaloo-kangaroo @the-navistar-carol @elspethshadow @chocolatecatstheron​ @ivymala07

Not Working Tags:  @captainartsypants, @daminett4life (older tags suggest a change to @maribat-is-lifeblood, do correct me if I’m wrong, though!!)

[ Summary: We check in on Kara and the free-range amateur journalist she followed. ]

[ A/N: Hi, I’m back with another chapter!! Also doing Krypto-Mari AUs, check that out!! ]

[ Posted on Ao3 ] [ Chapter 1 ] [ Chapter 10 ] [ Chapter 12 ]

Kara took off after Alya in the best controlled sprint she could muster. Pulling attention to herself with inhuman speeds would likely prove to be one of her worst decisions yet, for various reasons, if it happened, especially considering she wasn’t dressed as Supergirl.

Not that she even had it in the first place. No, Kal-El just had to confiscate her suit, to prevent temptation, he had claimed, and hidden it somewhere in the Fortress of Solitude where she couldn’t find it. So she kept it slow, yet quick enough to catch up to the amateur reporter by the end of the first block.

She also made sure to send a text to the group chat she had with Karen and Barbara as she ran. ‘With Alya, a classmate, she’s pulling a Lois Lane. Just keeping her out of trouble, so don’t yell at me if you were thinking about it! Check on Adrien Agreste, Lila Rossi, Geode and DJ, before you try any investigation of what’s goin on. Told them you would make sure they're somewhere safe. Also heard DJ and Geode were headin to check on their families when I followed our new stray reporter. That's it, I’ll tell you if I figure anything out while I’m with Als, see ya guys from the ground if you show up’

“Ya know, Als,” she says in an exasperated drawl as she pulls up alongside Alya, phone now put away, “you really shouldn't be running head first into things like this. Maybe consider not making this a habit, yeah?”

Alya scoffs, the verbal reprimand not doing anything against the excitement on her face, or budging the currently recording phone into being put away. “You're here too, aren't you?”

Kara blinks at that, then grins herself. “True, but I’m not a reporter, and yet here I am, already knowing this vital information.”

“Too late now,” Alya clips back, but her tone is still full of glee and adrenaline that Kara suspects won't go away until the situation is either over, or something bad happens. She hopes for Alya’s sake nothing bad will happen; it would suck if her spark was put out too soon.

“Have any other tips for me, Metropolis Girl?” Alya continues, her phone’s camera now pointed at Kara. The other rolls her eyes, but decides she might as well entertain the request.

“Sure,” she replies, pointedly glancing forward with a tip of her head before stepping closer to scoop the other up. Alya secure in her arms, she jumps the glowing half-metre rise in the ground that Alya had been about to run into. “Keep your eyes where you're going. And two,” she adds, setting the still-learning journalist down, “always have back-up, a partner; someone to keep you from doing exactly what I just kept you from doing.”

“Woah,” Alya breathes out, a bit breathless from a mix of having just been carried and having also just learned a lesson. She really didn't want to end up face-planting anything any time soon. “I guess I have a lot to learn. You get that from your cousin?”

“Uh, yeah, you could say that,” Kara shrugs, looking back the way they came, awkwardly rubbing at her arm. Her hand drops and she looks back to Alya, a brow now raised. “So, I'm guessing I won't convince you to turn back, will I?”

“Nope!” Alya practically cheers her denial of the request. The costumeless hero holds back a sigh as she tacks on, “Say, since you seem to be here to keep an eye on me, care to help me in learning lesson number two and being by partner-in-crime?”

“Crime? No, but a temporary partner in making sure you don't get knocked on your tush while you wave your phone around and aimlessly hope you catch sight of what’s causing all of this? Sure, why not; we’re already this far, no point in turning back. We’ll be safer keeping an eye out for places to hide than fully turning back, anyways. Let's go,” Kara finishes, grabbing hold of Alya’s wrist and getting them both started on running again. 

They continued to run together down the streets. Kara kept her gaze between looking ahead, to the path of their feet, and then above them for what she felt would be an inevitable collapsing building or two. Alya proved herself steady on her feat through the quakes, and a fast learner as she guided them both around more rises in the ground after hopping their third one. 

“This seems weird,” the blogger notes, brows furrowed together. “There’s no center to this, nothing to indicate where it all started. Look, News says it’s city-wide, too,” she tilted her screen towards Kara, who glanced over enough to notice the camera feature was still recording, but she was split-screening it to look at a live-feed from a News’ helicopter.

Kara pulled Alya under the awning of a building as they continued to watch the feed. There was no audio for the recording besides the reporter's voice-over, which was muted, replaced by subtitles. As she concentrated between the screen and their surroundings, Kara listened, and listened hard.

Sounds from all over the city came to her, and she focused on bits and pieces, one at a time while everything else became white noise. Most of it was generally the same: road-rage from the new physical barriers getting in the way; people calling out to their loved ones to get somewhere safe; frantic questions of what was happening. A particularly loud person kept repeating, “Where are they, where is it,” over and over, and it seemed particularly pronounced compared to everything else, almost making it hard to tune out. 

A certain voice caught her ear; gentle, full of comprehension. 

“A map…”

Marinette, Kara recognized. She wondered why Marinette had said that, why her voice had been clear, as though she had been outside. Isn’t she with her family? Then she remembered the balcony, and it hit Kara that she must have been up there, looking over what she can see of the city from there. The images from the helicopter feed only solidified her thought.

The Kryptonian snapped her fingers, dropping her concentration and letting her hearing return to normal. “We need to get up higher, any ideas?” She asked as she grabbed Alya’s attention with her sudden new spur for the task at hand.

“There’s the Eiffel Tower, might take a bit to get to, though,” the amateur reporter mused.

“No,” the suitless hero automatically shot the suggestion down. “Takes too long to climb and a huge safety hazard to be around, not to mention be on. Villains always target tall and important locations, so keep away and at a safe distance at all costs, got that? Good, and don't forget it; consider it a tip from my cousin if it helps it stick,” Kara stresses the point as the other nodded her confirmation, then looked around for any other options.

“What about-” the suggestion is interrupted by the honk of a horn, and both girls share twin frowns as they both recognize in displeasure the form of their interruption.

A sleek, short, black limo pulls up beside the pair, bearing the crest of the mayor’s office. The window rolls down to reveal Chloé Bourgeois, and the two girls outside it only continue to frown, to which the girl inside returns with an even greater scowl and tut.

“Get in, Danvers,” the aloof blonde tries to command, “I don’t want any negative PR for me, the hotel, or daddy from you getting caught causing trouble during some incident if I can help it.”

Kara scowls back, about to retort a no with heavy sarcasm, when an alternative idea presents itself, and her expression morphs into a big smile with. “Sure thing, Clo, the hotel is exactly where we need to be anyways! Come on, Als, let’s go for a ride!”

“What?” Echoes one cry in surprise, the other in outrage.

“No way am I letting Césaire into my car!”

“Seconded, no way am I getting in a car with Chloé.”

“Why not?” Kara asks innocently, popping open the side door, Chloé jumping back from it like it had bitten her. “The choice is either lose me as your back-up, Miss Journalist, and have to stay out of the field, or, come with me, suffer a little bit of stuck-up,” she ignored the offended protesting cry of “Hey!”, “and in reward, get a safe and high enough vantage point on everything going on around us. 

“And you,” she turns to Chloé, sliding into the black leather seat, further prompting the other girl to back up against the opposite door, “Either put up with one extra passenger for a few minutes and be graced with us staying out of your manicured hair for the rest of the day, or, find an article tomorrow that calls you and your precious daddykins out on being terrible hosts that are horrible at keeping even your private guests safe from the ‘terrors‘ that currently plagues the city your dad is currently the Mayor of. What do ya think of that, princesse?”

Kara’s smile was strong as ever, only sickly-sweet as it was aimed at the minor heiress. Chloé looked caught between looking worried for having just been threatened with a PR problem, and looking offended for having been threatened at all. It quickly turned to only being offended, the fear of threat brushed aside as she crossed her arms with a loud huff, and bodily tuned away.

“Fine, she can come! As long as you both stay away like you promised, and she doesn't touch anything that is clearly more expensive than her mother’s monthly salary!”

“Cool! Come on, Als, let’s go!” Kara noticed, as she made room for Alya on the seat and she climbed in, that the journalist looked stunned at having heard someone resist Chloé’s demands. 

“Girl,” the blogger hissed out in an awed whisper as she shut the door and the car drove off. “That was such a smooth comeback! You either have experience or you're just as done with ‘Chloé being Chloé’ as much I had been when I first met her, if not more.”

“Little of both,” Kara shrugged, smiling both smugly and sheepishly. “It’s a trick you learn as a reporter I guess, and from being around stuck-up people. Learn what they want so you can use it to your advantage. But also be willing to do things the hard way, because they won’t give you even an inch if they're not convinced you really will let yourself lose a lead purely to spite them and make them lose something of value, too.”

“With everything you know and who your cousin is, you plan to be a reporter, too?”

Kara only considered it for a second before shaking her head. “No way. Maybe as a side gig or a hobby, but that’s not really my cup o’ joe. Photojournalism is a maybe,” she amends, “but journalism still not really my thing. 

“Besides, I’m stuck in Clark’s shadow enough, I prefer making my own path to going down all of his,” she states, feeling and looking a mix between determined, annoyed, and forlorn.

Alya didn't have much time to consider a followup response before the limo came to a stop and all three of the girls in the car perked up.

“We’re here! Now get out and stay out of my hair! Don't you dare go running off anywhere, either, or I’ll have you moved into an old broom closet until you leave Paris!” Chloé was gone before either of them could respond, and they only shrugged to each other, grinning because it was really Chloé out of their hair, and left the car, heading inside.

“You’re a slowpoke,” Alya jabbed as she ran ahead, her phone reappearing in her hands. “I’m heading up to the roof on my own, I should be fine, right?”

Kara waved her off, “Yeah, yeah, go, I’ll see you up there! I should call Clark anyways; he wanted to know if anything interesting happens, and, well.”

“Guess this counts?” Alya teased as she slid into the waiting elevator.

Kara snorted, “Yeah, basically. Have fun, don't go falling in the pool or anything!” Alya laughing at the final ‘warning’ is what the elevator closes on.

Kara heads to the stairs, and a simple peek up the stairwell to see it clear has her running up the flights in a matter of a split second. She had to do something to take the edge of the energy jitters she was getting from forcing herself to sit still among all the chaos, and using her powers where no one would see it was the best she could do for now.

As she walked down the hallway and slipped into the suite she would be calling home for a while, she pulled her phone back out to check the chat between herself, Barbara, and Karen.

First reply was from Babs. ‘Tracked all their phones. Marinette is at the bakery, Nino at his brother’s school in one of their safe rooms, Lila is in one of ours, and so is Adrien. I think, anyways, his phone must have died after he got there, but I’m sure he’s fine without it for now, must be with others if he isn't bothering to charge it now.’

Karen replied next. ‘Doing scouting now, I won’t engage without back-up, though, but I'll let you know if I find anything!’

No other messages than that, and the grounded hero sent a quick ‘thanks, girls’ in response. Her contacts were then opened, looking for Clark’s.

It was then that she noticed the black box sitting on the vanity, small and painted with red details. 

Curious, and ever the one to ‘ruin surprises’, she used her X-Ray vision on it, only for her brow to furrow when she realized that while the box was clearly only wood, the object inside wasn’t having it, only appearing as a solid silhouette to her eyes.

“What the-” 

She slid her phone away and snatched up the box, opening it up to a black ring and a flash of white and acid green light.

[blushingonmyknees]

Especially

CONTENT WARNING: This post includes consensual control of food and meal restriction

 It is now Tuesday evening and I am frantically packing and getting everything ready to head home for Christmas tomorrow afternoon. Time is drawing to a close on four days on intense explorations of submission with my Domme. I have requested many times that she break me – take me so deep into a submissive headspace that the very concept of disobedience seems impossible. This weekend I believe I reached that point.

I woke up this morning and started getting ready for work. I immediately thought of my lunch and how it was going to be the bland-ish rice and beans with corn and green beans. I remembered how it didn’t have much flavor last night and tried to remember to be thankful. I have asked to be treated this way and am getting exactly what I desire and deserve. I am so thankful my Domme is caring and takes care of me every step of the way.

The day began with my daily morning message to my Domme. In it, I thanked her for putting her property to bed last night when she did and making sure I woke up feeling rested today. I also thanked her for picking my lunch and asked if she will be deciding my dinner tonight.

I then headed to work and the first hour and a half of work was okay, minus all the Christmas treats in my office. I didn’t want to take the treats because I wasn’t entirely sure if I had permission to eat them and also because of COVID-19 and most of the treats were finger foods, with several people touching them.

By 9 a.m., my stomach was growling. I thought of food and kept having to remind myself I was having rice and bean leftovers for lunch today and to be thankful.

Around 10 a.m., I texted my Domme while on my break to let her know my stomach had been growling since 9 a.m. and that it must be really craving the rice and beans. I also wanted to make sure she received my morning message asking about deciding my dinner.

She responded and said she saw it and wanted to let me know she planned on deciding my dinner tonight and rice and beans wasn’t out of the question. She also wanted to know if there was anything in the fridge that needed to be used up before traveling tomorrow and teased that she can make me crave all sorts of things.

I let her know I crave whatever she trains me to and then joked that I could try and fit in the fridge, thinking of things that need to be be used up.

Around 11 a.m., I had to go to my manager’s office to make sure my time off for Wednesday afternoon was approved. We ended up chatting for about a half an hour about our families, COVID, and our favorite chicken restaurants. Just talking about food other than rice and beans made me hungry and also made me want to cry from frustration.

At Noon, I headed to lunch to have my rice and beans. I was hungry but when thinking of this dish I started losing my appetite. On the way to my lunch table, I noticed a small bag of salted peanuts left on the counter, which in my office means it is free and anyone could have them.

I strongly debated about grabbing the peanuts and adding them to my lunch. Anything with extra flavor sounded amazing at this point.

I resisted the temptation and headed to my lunch table with my rice and beans. I then texted my Domme a picture of my lunch and said, “Thank you for this lunch, owner.” She mentioned after receiving this text that she would love to meal plan every single one of my work lunches for a year.

I took a few bites of my rice and beans and attempted to eat as much as possible. I also texted my Domme at this point and asked if I may please ask for what I desired for supper. I let her know I was more than aware my request could be immediately denied without a second thought.

She allowed me to make my request and I asked if I may please do the Buffalo Wild Wings BOGO wings tonight. She then asked what the reason for making such a request was.

I confessed that I was craving it and wished I wasn’t eating my rice and beans. I was desperate for food and flavors but I was even more desperate to obey my Domme. I felt like she was breaking me quicker than expected and I thanked her for it.

She wanted a further explanation, so I admitted that all I had thought about today was food that I am not allowed to have. I didn’t want to eat my rice and beans much but was doing so because I know where I belong. I also made sure to say thank you for my lunch once again.

My Domme let me know I didn’t have to clear the bowl for lunch but that she found it interesting how my mind was preoccupied with what I was denied and that she would consider my request for dinner.

If I am being completely honest, I almost broke down at lunch out of frustration. But I knew I was being taught a lesson and I wanted to obey. I both wanted to be beaten for my thoughts and forced to eat more rice and beans but also wanted to be cuddled and held and reminded that I am her good boy.

I let her know all of these thoughts and how I felt like I should be in chains and on my knees in her presence at that very moment. I felt conflicted and broken, so I asked if I may please have all of her thoughts, even the contrasting ones.

She told me a beating to help ground me in the reality that I am an owned boy and cuddles after to remind me I am a good boy that pleases his owner and also deserved soft things sounded right.

She told me that my push/pull feelings with meal control was actually very understandable when trying to embrace a new protocol. There is often a mental and physical component of a body wanting to stay in its typical habits so changes in meal activities or physical exertion take a lot of time to build. If she was planning a more long-term re-sculpting of my relationship to her control of my food, I would be having completely unseasoned rice and beans tonight as a reminder for my brain that this control was my new normal.

But she said she did not want me to be completely discombobulated before traveling for Christmas tomorrow, so she was taking my request for comfort food into consideration.

I thanked her for giving me her thoughts and let her know I love her so much. I also thanked her for keeping me in my proper headspace. Knowing she understood where I was coming from was a relief, but it was also nice to hear her complete thoughts. If she wanted me to have completely unseasoned rice and beans tonight, then I would and I would be content with her decision.

I informed my owner of my inner argument with myself earlier when seeing the peanuts before lunch and my desire to have them, but knowing I was not allowed, so I left them.

She seemed surprised by the intensity of my reaction to the peanuts when I said, “My brain went, ‘Take them! Not rice and beans.’” And that thought was immediately followed with the thought of, “But they are not part of my allowed lunch.”

My Domme seemed to enjoy learning how my brain was reacting to her training. She also let me know if the peanuts were still available, I may have some.

Lunch was almost over, so I probably wouldn’t have the time to eat them anyway. She asked if I could snack at my desk and I said I could, but that my coworkers would want to know why I was turning down other Christmas treats.

She reassured me by saying, “Sweetness, if there are things you would like you may simply request permission. My answer won’t always be yes, but I thought you knew that I wanted to hear what you needed and what you want.”

I then asked for permission to take the nuts for later and confessed my meals had slipped me into a deeper headspace that I expected. I had forgotten I could ask for what I wanted. I also was very grateful for her permission to have the nuts.

She is amazing with taking care of me and asked if there was anything I needed from her, regarding my deeper headspace. I let her know hearing her voice in the form of a voicemail may be helpful.

I then picked up the peanuts and headed back to work. I was extremely happy and smiling from ear to ear, just having the peanuts in my possession. I honestly could have cried at the thought of eating something salty. It completely turned around my day and I was smiling like I was in my Domme’s physical presence again or had just received my dream job.

As I turned the corner on the way back to my desk, I was stunned to hear Christmas music. Where on earth could that noise be coming from!? One of the people in my office is a self-proclaimed Grinch who despises Christmas music and is obsessed with loudly listening to “true crime” podcasts all day, every day. I was sure this sound wasn’t coming from my office.

Much to my surprise, it was actually the self-proclaimed Grinch that asked if we could listen to Christmas music. Apparently, the Grinch’s heart grew three sizes on December 22, not Christmas. I was noticeably joyful, and I think my coworkers thought it was because of Christmas music, when in reality it was because I had salted peanuts to snack on.

I looked at the bag and noticed they were actually honey roasted peanuts, and I texted my Domme to make sure I still had permission to have them. She said I did and that she had noticed the label in the picture I sent her of them before picking them up.

I snacked on the honey roasted peanuts most of the afternoon, only taking two at a time and sometimes sucking on them to get all of the salt off and to get flavor into my mouth. I truly savored them and was thankful for the gift of these peanuts.

On my final break of the workday, I listened to my Domme’s voicemail. In it, she said it was interesting to her how my body and mind was reacting to her training and temporary protocol. If we were in the same city, she said she would have me kneel at her feet after I got off work and would run her fingers through my hair. She would explain that I wasn’t allowed to have B Dubs wings tonight, I would have more rice and beans. Even though she knows it is hard on my body, that it was just as much the kind of training and need for stamina that she has seen me push through before, like during a beating. She said she would gently touch me and let me feel her presence and catch my breath while resting against her legs. She would remind me that even when my submission is hard, especially when it is hard to stay the course and stay obedient, that she is grateful for the gift of my submission and that she was taking ownership of not only my body and my tastebuds but also my thoughts and that she is transforming all of them. She would remind me of how good I am being and even though our minds have tricky relationships, that I did exactly what she desired today, and I ate my lunch and she was so proud of me. At the end she called me her sweet boy.

This voicemail got me a little emotional and I was very thankful to be hers. I wanted nothing more than to be kneeling at her feet and being touched and reminded of my place as she explained in the voicemail. Just the thought of her touch against my hair makes me swoon and extremely grateful she finds me worthy of her ownership each day.

I texted her right after to thank her for the wonderful voicemail and to thank her for owning me and loving me. I love how she is fair and firm in her ownership of me and how I ache to surrender more and more power each day, even when it is hard. I thanked her for loving me enough to explore this dynamic with her and thanked her for the nuts. I also thanked her for sharing our dynamic with others because I enjoy serving her and showing others how good it feels to surrender to my amazing Queen.

Around 3:30 p.m., she asked when I got off work for the day and I told her. She said unfortunately she wasn’t asking to surprise me by picking me up and taking me captive. (I desperately wish she was asking for those reasons. *swoons*)

She messaged me shortly before my workday ended to tell me it was time for her owned boy to order dinner online, meaning she was permitting me to have Buffalo Wild Wings.

I texted to make sure it was okay I did the BOGO deal on 10 wings (so I would end up with 20 total). She said that was okay and then I asked which flavor of wings she would prefer me to have. I would prefer mild sauce on one of them, but I would like her to pick at least one sauce.

She wanted me to get my favorites and said to order what I wanted, but that she would be happy to pick one if I really wanted her to. I responded by saying, “Please do, Ma’am.”

My Domme said the orange sauce sounded tasty but if that seemed off-putting to get lemon pepper.

I had to ask what orange sauce was because I didn’t know it was an option. Did that mean it would taste like oranges?

She responded, letting me know it was like an orange chicken sauce that was new, according to their website.

I had just had orange chicken on Sunday, so I went with the lemon pepper flavor she picked. I asked if she wanted me to get the dry seasoning or wet sauce. She said she prefers the seasoning, but she wants this to be something I actually enjoy eating, so to pick what I wanted.

I ended up doing the lemon pepper dry seasoning and mild wet sauce for the wings. I was so happy. I had no idea food had this kind of effect on me. My stomach growled almost the whole way home just from the smells of the food alone.

After picking up the food and arriving home, I called my Domme to say thank you for her control and for considering my request for dinner. I also wanted to know how I should eat my dinner. She told me I was allowed to be on furniture for dinner and to use utensils if I so desired. She also wanted to know if I had any other requests, and I asked if I may have soda. She said I could and to have either Wild Cherry Pepsi or a Coke with dinner.

The wings were a little cold by the time I got home (it was about a half an hour), but I was so hungry. The first bite of the wings tasted heavenly. I chose to take a bite of the lemon pepper wing first because I was curious and because I knew it was my Domme’s preferred sauce.

It actually tasted amazing and I think it will be one of my permanent wing flavors going forward. I may have to go out there and purchase the seasoning someday to increase the number of seasonings I have to choose from in my cabinets.

I was surprised how quickly the wings went down. I took my time and watched one of my favorite sitcoms while eating. I was surprised that I actually teared up during dinner both from the flavor and due to an emotional part of an episode where a dad was telling his daughter it was okay to give up on her dreams and it would be okay. It would be okay to give up on her dreams, but just to know how good it will feel to eventually get that “YES” someday if she stuck with it and continued pursuing her dreams even after receiving several rejections. It felt particularly impactful because of this year and losing what was basically a foot-in-the-door position with one of my dream companies earlier this year.

The wings were amazing, and I made sure to thank my Domme a few times for them. I was surprised I ended up eating all 20 wings, which I don’t think I have ever accomplished before.

After dinner, I started doing chores – sweeping the kitchen, doing dishes, finishing my laundry, packing for Christmas, making sure all gifts are where I can see them to take home tomorrow (and not forget, hopefully!). I am now finishing this post while waiting for the last few loads of laundry to get done before packing my bag.

I am extremely grateful that my Domme takes such good care of her property. I would have been content either way with her selection of my dinner tonight, but I am very thankful she allowed me to have wings. She keeps asking what I want for Christmas, but here is the truth. She has given me one of the greatest gifts of all, her ownership, care and friendship. Just the gift of being her submissive and the additional present of wings tonight was enough for me. I am happy, content and overjoyed being her owned boy. How did I ever get so lucky?

Thank you, your Majesty, for owning me, caring for me, training me, and breaking me. I love my role in your life and the dynamic we are building together. It is fun to know that my last four meals before dinner tonight were exactly what you chose for me – rice and beans. Rice and beans have actually been my meal for six out of the last nine meals (eight meals if you don’t count tonight). Thank you for teaching me these lessons and showing me how it feels to be molded into what you desire. I adore you so much and am very eager to be in your presence each and every day. Merry Christmas, my Queen.

[spaceskam]

Goodnight My Someone

for @youaremyworldlois who inspired me with tags about promise rings and who probably expected something soft when I asked to steal the idea. Hopefully I disappoint in a good way❤️️

Warning: major character death, grief, etc

ao3

Alex Manes had always assumed he’d only have to live through three major losses in his life: his innocence, his grandmother, and his leg. He never ever imagined a life where Michael would die before him.

Yet here he was.

It was damn near impossible to keep his breathing in check as he collapsed at Michael’s side. They had, for some reason, waited to call him until they’d gotten Max stabilized, so by the time Alex arrived, Michael was laid out on the ground, naked and lifeless and covered in a coat of silver.

“No, no, no,” Alex whispered, taking in the sight of him. His body was limp in ways that made him feel sick, his jaw hanging open and his stomach dipping inward from the lack of breathing. He figured they didn’t have much time before rigor began and that was even worse.

Michael was gone. Really, really gone.

“It’s okay, Alex,” Isobel said softly. Vomit threatened to make an appearance at how calm she sounded. In fact, they were all calm. Michael was dead because he was stupidly self-sacrificial and they were all so fucking okay with it.

“It’s okay?” Alex parroted, looking at her with a level of hate he didn’t realize he could have for someone that he had grown to really enjoy. But she was okay with Michael being dead and bare on the fucking desert floor and he wasn’t okay with that. “Are you all insane? He-he’s dead. You called me and you told me he was dead and you didn’t even sound like it was that concerning. He… Do you not even care? Why don’t you care? Why aren’t you crying?”

Tears were unabashedly spilling from his eyes as he looked around to the people who seemed to hold more pity for Alex than they did for the man he loved. He could’ve killed them all with his bare hands at that moment. Michael gave his life so they could have Max and they couldn’t even spare him a few tears.

“There’s no reason for‒”

“Like hell there isn’t! Look at him!” Alex yelled, his voice cracking as he dared to turn back to Michael’s body. “Look at him.”

“This is temporary,” Isobel said sharply. Alex huffed a laugh as he shook his head. How could she say Michael dying was temporary? This was anything but temporary. “As soon as Max is better, we’re going to bring him back.”

“Why? So Max can die again? Is that it?” Alex scoffed, shaking his head at them. He didn’t understand why they weren’t being so careless about this. Michael was a person. A living, breathing, loving person who could no longer live or breathe or love. When Liz was hurt, there was panic. When Isobel was hurt, there was panic. When Max was hurt, there was panic.

Where was Michael’s panic?

“I got you,” Alex whispered, reaching to close his mouth so he looked a little less lifelessly. If his mouth was closed, then he could pretend he was sleeping.

But they didn’t want that.

“Don’t touch him,” Liz jumped in, her voice far too harsh to be talking to him. Alex’s face screwed up in further anger as he let his hand hover over his chest, his jaw quivering almost violently. “I’m serious, Alex. We don’t have much silver, if you mess it up it’ll make it harder to get him into the pod.”

“Who the fuck are you to tell me I can’t touch my boyfriend?” Alex spat.

“He’s not your boyfriend,” Maria shot back. When he turned to her, she looked to be the only one who was also a little upset about what was happening. Still, Alex glared at her. She didn’t get it. She didn’t have the rights to him, to his body. Michael was Alex’s, end of. They needed to stop making decisions for him when Alex was the only one who knew.

“He doesn’t want this,” Alex said, shaking his head as he went to close his mouth for real this time. Hands grabbed his shoulders before he could, pulling him away from Michael. “Let go of me! He doesn’t want this! He doesn’t want to be in that fucking pod!”

Alex was too weak with sobs to really fight back as Kyle and Liz pulled him away. They tugged him out of the cave completely, leaving him on the sand as he balled up and cried so hard it hurt. Liz went back into the cave, but Kyle crouched beside him.

“It’s going to be okay, Alex,” he said so sincerely that Alex wanted to strangle him. It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t going to be okay.

Michael was dead.

Things would never be okay.

-

”Alex. Alex, answer the door, please.”

Alex hesitated as his hand hovered over the doorknob, the sound of Michael’s voice on the other side of the wood. He hadn't been alone with him in months and he didn't know if he wanted to start now. He'd been nice, giving him space to be with Maria and not putting pressure on him. But it was midnight, the night before he would be bringing back Max, and he was at the door.

So Alex opened it.

"Can I come in?" Michael asked. His eyes were bloodshot and he was fidgeting badly, looking so broken. Alex didn't even consider saying no.

"You want anything to drink? Eat?" Alex offered, not knowing what else to do as they stood aimlessly in the middle of his living room. Michael sniffled, shaking his head.

"No, no, I just…" Michael looked around and something seemed to settle on his face when putting his attention back on Alex. “I want you.”

Alex took a startled step back. “What?”

“I need you,” Michael reiterated, his hands shaking and his eyes pooling. Alex didn’t know what to do, his hands hovering in between the two of them. He wanted so badly to comfort him and give into him as he’d wanted for the last few months, but he also knew that Michael had chosen Maria.

“You chose Maria,” Alex said allowed. Michael huffed a laugh, shaking his head as he rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes.

“Alex, I… I need you. I’ll explain later, I just‒”

“No, explain now,” Alex urged softly even though he wished upon wishes that he could just accept whatever he was hearing at face value. But he couldn’t because that’s not who he was.

“Alex,” Michael said, his voice cracking as he looked at him with a level of desperation that had Alex’s heart slamming in his chest, “We’re bringing Max back tomorrow and I’m freaking out and I realized the only person I wanted is you which doesn’t surprise me because I always only want you.”

Alex shook his head before he even finished speaking. “No. You went to Maria. When everything went bad, you went to Maria.” Michael let out a high pitched whine, his hands slipping into his hair and he pulled on it until it was a massive mess. Alex’s hand clutched the chair beside him, hoping to ground himself if only a little bit as he waited.

“Listen, I have been spending months thinking about why I did what I did. And I know the surface level of it, I know that I did it because I wanted something simple and normal and comfortable. The-the problem was that I feel simple and comfortable with you. Not normal, never normal, you make me feel like I’ve been singled out in a crowd by the lead singer of a band who wants to pull me on stage or some shit. You-you notice me. You always notice me and I don’t know why,” Michael rambled, his breath getting quicker and quicker and Alex was sure his empathy was written all over his face, “But, see, m-my problem was that, yeah, I couldn’t separate you from my trauma and you knew that and it sucks but it’s what it was. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to even if I wanted you when I was hurting. But it goes deeper than that.

“I was talking to Mimi and, and she kept asking me why I was hiding. And I didn’t get it, I thought she was calling me out for being an alien or something. That wasn’t it. I-I am hiding. I’m hiding from my trauma, from you. But that’s the thing. I can’t hide from you. You’re always there, you always know. I can lie to everyone except for you. That doesn’t make you bad for me. That makes you the person I need more than anything. That makes you the most important thing in the world. You can’t and won’t put up with my lying, but I don’t have to explain because you know. You know, Alex. You know. You know. You know.”

Alex took a few steps towards him, grabbing the back of his neck and pulling him into a hug. Michael slipped into it easily, wrapping his arms around him tightly and trying his best to steady his breath.

“Does your girlfriend know you’re here?” Alex whispered, cradling him close. Michael breathed him in slowly.

“No,” Michael said before quickly backtracking, “No, she’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh,” Alex hummed, slipping his fingers into his hair, “She’s not?”

“I am yours and you are mine, remember?”

Alex slowly started tugging the man towards the couch to lay down, his words making it easier.

“Can we go to bed, please?” Michael asked softly. Alex took a deep breath but nodded. This felt like a cruel trick. This all felt too easy. But Michael still touched him like it was real and, as they stripped down and crawled into bed together, he cuddled up to him like it was real.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Alex whispered, combing through Michael’s curls as they lay beneath the sheets. Michael’s cheeks were splotchy and his eyes had been closed since he got into bed. He relaxed a little more each time. Alex tried to stroke some calmness into him.

“Huh?”

“I know you, Michael,” Alex told him, dragging idle fingertips across every ridge of his body, “Somethings wrong. This isn’t normal nerves. I know how you act when you think you’re gonna fail. That’s not what this is.”

Michael slowly opened his eyes and stared at him. Alex almost forgot what was even going on. He was beautiful. He was always beautiful, but, at that moment, he was breathtaking. It felt all too similar to seeing him in the dim blue lights of their reunion. Only this wasn’t any special lighting, it was just Michael in his sweetest form.

“I just want you, Alex. Is it that hard to accept?” he whispered and Alex didn’t know how to say yes.

So he moved closer, pressing his nose next to Michael’s. He looked between his eyes and his lips before eventually closing the space between them. It had been so, so, so long since he got one of those heavenly kisses. Despite the fact there was clearly something wrong, Michael welcomed the kiss with an open mouth and a firm grip on his hips.

Alex wasn’t a fan of the term ‘make love’. It sounded gross and it was just much easier to use fuck or sex instead. Though, that night he sort of understood what making love actually was. It was connecting in a way that you felt in your bones, in your muscles, in your blood. It was overwhelming, all-encompassing. It was everything. Michael was everything.

“Do you still have it?” Michael whispered sometime after, completely nuzzled into Alex’s body like he was made to fit there. Alex breathed easy, running his hands through his hair as he held him close.

“Of course I do. We made a promise.”

“I broke it.”

“So did I, but we still made it.”

It was hard to remember a time when they’d been so stupidly in love to promise to be together forever. That was before the prospect that they could possibly go through anything more challenging than a homophobic father wielding a hammer. That was supposed to be the worst of it. How stupid they’d been.

“Do you ever memorize me?”

Alex hummed and while his body screamed ’yes, every inch’, he simply asked, “What do you mean?”

“Like… Whenever you would come home to me between deployments, I would make a point to memorize every part of your body,” Michael told him so honestly. It made Alex’s head spin and his stomach ache. Something was so wrong. Michael was always one to admit hard things, but this was on another level. This was specific. This was a warning. “I never want to forget. I got so good at it that I know where every single one of your scars are. I could read them like I read the stars.”

Alex squeezed him.

“Do you think we can make it, Alex? Do you think we can come back from everything and be happy together?” Michael asked into the night. Again, Alex didn’t answer. He didn’t know how to answer. He couldn’t lie and say yes when he had no idea. They had to wait.

It wasn’t until the early hours of the morning, when Michael’s tears wet Alex’s collarbone, that he asked again.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked, “Tell me. I’ll fix it. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I love you, Alex, I love you so much that it hurts,” Michael said, sniffling and wiping his eyes, “I’m scared of what’s gonna happen.”

“You’re gonna be okay. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m just so tired. I just want it to end so I can be okay. I’m so tired of being scared. I just want to be okay,” Michael said weakly, his voice shaky and tired. Alex held him tighter, trying to will away the demons that he wouldn’t specify. “Can you promise that you’ll make sure that it ends?”

“I promise.”

-

“You’re a real sleeping beauty, Guerin.”

Alex rubbed his eyes hard, his chest aching as it had been for days. It was officially fourteen days without Michael Guerin and it hadn’t gotten any easier. He hated leaving the cave because the idea of Michael being alone, naked, and dead in a place he didn’t want to be made Alex sick. Though, it made him sicker to know that the people who were meant to care about him were going on with life while they waited for Max to be good enough to bring him back.

“I keep trying to wake up like this is a nightmare and I’m going to open my eyes and you’re going to be lying beside me,” Alex whispered, letting out a soft breath as another wave of tears hit him. He didn’t know how he had any left. “I-I keep trying to wake up, Michael, and I can’t seem to do it. Because this obviously is a nightmare. This isn’t real.”

He looked up and let the tears fall. He didn’t give a shit who might see. He just wanted Michael.

“We could’ve made it, you know? We could’ve fixed this. I love you so, so much, enough for us to make it,” Alex said, his voice cracking as he looked back at the beautiful, beautiful man in stasis. He looked at peace which made it easier to look at him. “I hate myself for not telling you that. I’ve spent so fucking long being scared to tell you how I feel and�� and I keep thinking that if I was just honest, you wouldn’t have done what you did. You were asking me for a reason to live and I… Fuck, Michael, I didn’t give you one. I thought I had time.”

Alex moved closer to the pod, touching it as best he could. He wished so badly that he could reach inside and hold him again. He felt cheated and wronged that he didn’t get to touch him one last time. They’d rather him be cold and alone than held for a moment. He deserved to be fucking held. He died for them and they wouldn’t even let him be held.

“I still have it,” Alex whispered, pulling on the chain around his neck that had the handmade ring on it. He’d stopped wearing it whenever Michael had gotten with Maria, he saw no point to it. Now he saw every point to it. He had Michael’s ring on it as well now, the two burning against his chest as they begged to be put on the fingers they belonged on. “I promised you I did. I had to search for yours, though. It was under your pillow back at the airstream. Why’d you keep it there?”

Going to the airstream had been borderline traumatizing for Alex. It all looked like Michael had just been there, like he expected to come back. His bed wasn’t made, there was a box of macaroni in the cabinet, there were rolls of toilet paper left. It screamed Michael and it felt like it was meant to just be temporary. Temporary like Isobel had said.

Except, once Alex looked a little closer, it became clear that Michael had no intention for this to be temporary. The box of macaroni had expired two weeks before and it clearly had been there for awhile. There were no other perishables in the vicinity, like he had used it all up. He’d let his gas tank run out in the truck and all the gas cans were empty. His bunker was neatly organized in a way it never was, all of his research stacked and labeled. He’d given his resignation to Sanders. It was final. Everything felt final.

Alex had crawled into the bed of the airstream, desperate to seek any type of comfort that it might’ve given him. He wanted to get closer to Michael again, but it almost did more damage than it helped. He spent hours in there, crying and inhaling his scent that was on borrowed time. Soon it would stop smelling like him. It made it so much worse.

It felt like a battle every time he questioned if he should stay by the pod or not. Deep inside he knew Michael didn’t want to be in there. Michael had made sure he had everything squared away so no one would have to deal with it when he was gone. He didn’t want to be there. Staring at him like he was the experiment he’d tried so hard not to become felt cold and cynical. But, then again, leaving him alone felt worse. Michael didn’t want this, so why would Alex let him be alone in it?

“God, I’m so sorry. I should’ve stopped them. I don’t know how to help now,” Alex groaned, resting his forehead against the bright light of the pod. It hurt his eyes, but it made him feel closer to him. “I wish you would’ve just told me everything that was about to happen so I would’ve been prepared.”

He wanted nothing more than to go back and fix it. He needed to curl up with him, he needed to hold him. He needed to soak it all in again. He didn’t get enough. They promised each other a life and he didn’t get that. He got cheated out of that life. It wasn’t fair.

“I know you don’t want to come back,” Alex sniffled, his voice weaker and weaker by the minute, “But could you for just a minute? Could you let me hold you again and let me make sure you know that you’re loved? I’m so scared that you left without knowing. Did you know? Were you sure that I love you? I love you so much that it hurts.”

Michael didn’t budge, didn’t blink, didn’t move. Nothing happened. It wasn’t going to happen. No matter how much it hurt, Alex was going to make sure that he got what he wanted. If he could do anything, he could do that.

“Don’t worry, baby. I’ve got you. I promise.”

-

“You’re really going, huh?”

Alex looked towards the ground as he fingered the wood in his pocket, trying hard to ignore the sniffling coming from the other boy. He didn’t want to make Michael cry. They’d barely been in a relationship for two months and they’d already had way more crying and pain than normal two-month relationships.

“I don’t have a choice,” Alex said, “My dad made me sign. If I don’t go, I could get arrested.”

“I know,” Michael laughed, “I did my research. I hope you have fun in San Antonio.” That was enough to make Alex cross the space between them, grabbing his soft cheeks in his hands.

“Hey, I’ve got you. It’s okay, we’re gonna be okay, I promise,” Alex gushed, relaxing a little more whenever Michael’s hands draped around his hips and tugged him close.

“How can you be so sure?” he wondered. Alex moved in closer until Michael’s back hit the side of the truck. It earned the faintest of smiles on the boy’s face regardless of how sad he looked.

“Because you give me a reason to come home,” Alex whispered and Michael smiled a little more. Alex pressed soft, repetitive kisses to his lips and cheeks until the small smile broke into something brighter.

“You think I’m important enough to come home to?” Michael asked. Alex slipped his hands into his curls, breathing him in slowly. God, he was perfect. He was so, so perfect. Maybe it was too soon, but Alex loved him.

“You are the only thing I need,” he promised, “I am yours and you are mine.” Michael moved in for the kiss this time. It was slow, rocking back and forth as they tried to keep their balance despite the need to get closer and closer and closer.

Michael’s bandaged hand slipped beneath Alex’s shirt, pressing into the small of his back. Alex was the one to move into the bed of the truck. Soft kisses got deeper, gentle touches got needier. The stars were shining brighter than ever and they seemed to align in just the proper way that Alex needed them to. They always did whenever he was alone with Michael.

“Hey,” Alex whispered as he pulled away, nude bodies pressed together without shame, “I got you something.”

“Why?”

“‘Cause I can.”

Alex kept one hand on Michael as the other one went to find the ring in the pocket of his jeans. It wasn’t anything special or fancy, he didn’t even have a box, but it reminded him of Michael. It was a thin wooden band with intricate writing in a language that he had gotten years prior at a Renaissance Festival that Maria and Mimi had dragged him to. He had been drawn to it, regardless of the fact it had been too big for him to wear at the time. The lady at the booth had told him the language was lost to the stars. It seemed right for it to go safely to Michael.

“Think of it like this,” Alex started as he watched Michael stare at it with curious eyes, carefully pushing it onto the other boy’s finger, “This is a promise I’ll come home to you. As long as you have it, then you know I’m with you.”

“A promise we’ll be together forever?”

“As long as you’ll let me have you.”

“I don’t have one to give you.”

“I don’t need one.”

“You’re getting one.”

Alex smiled and moved in closer for another kiss, feeling the ring press into the back of his neck as Michael’s hand moved there. He kissed his promises into his skin, promises of a future and a tomorrow and a forever of this, of them.

Michael approached him two days later with a ring made of metal, markings just as intricate that he’d made with things he found in the scrapyard. He’d pressed it into Alex’s skin with the same promises his kisses made and it made it a million times harder and a million times easier to board a plane and leave him.

-

“Alex, what are you doing?”

Alex ignored the voices as he knelt beside the lifeless body of the man he loved. They’d all done him wrong, he just wanted to give him what he wanted just once. He had melted enough silver to cover his hands, to pull him out of the pod.

“I’ve got you, okay? I’ve got you,” Alex promised, finally, finally, cradling Michael’s cheek in his hands again. His body was horrifically cold, but that was okay. It had to be okay.

Footsteps sounded.

“I swear to God, if you come any closer to me, I will kill you,” Alex threatened, sheer honesty in his voice that was enough to make whoever it was stop in their tracks. He focused more on Michael, leaning down to kiss his cheek because he deserved it. Alex didn’t know exactly what he felt about the afterlife. He had no idea if Michael’s soul was just floating around, waiting to be thrown into a new body, or if he was somewhere else entirely, or if he was just gone, but he wanted to make sure that if he was watching, he saw himself get one last kiss.

Alex wrapped him up tightly in the blanket he’d laid out, swaddling him like a baby. Michael liked to be wrapped up, to be held and warm and caressed. He would appreciate this. He would.

“Alex, what are you doing with him? We need to put him back in the pod!” Isobel snapped and now she sounded emotional. Now she sounded like she cared. It had been weeks without a care, but now that Alex was doing what he wanted, now she cared?

“He doesn’t want that,” Alex said simply. He didn’t want to argue, not right now. He just wanted to bury Michael so that they could stop this bullshit and move on.

“You don’t know what he wants, Alex!” Maria yelled. She was crying. He could hear it in her voice.

“I know more than you do about it. He told me he just wants it to be over. He told me,” Alex said, unable to take his eyes off Michael’s features. They seemed so soft and boyish in the dim light, like he was looking at the 17-year-old he’d fallen in love with. It felt like a joke.

“Alex,” Kyle said softly, “Come on, let’s not do this. Let’s put him back and talk.” Alex was getting more and more angry by the minute. Why were they all here? They hadn’t come to visit him, why were they here now?

���I’m going to bring him back, Alex,” Max started this time, his voice gruff and unwavering, “I just need to wait until the next storm.”

“Why?” Alex snapped, finally looking at them. They all looked on different levels of horrified except for Kyle and Max, the two with the training to not be horrified. “Why are you going to bring him back? So you can die again? So you can die and he’ll feel like he died for no reason? So he can be miserable and regretful and depressed? Why do you want that for him?”

“I’m not going‒”

“You are though! That’s what this is! You’re trying to create this never-ending cycle of death that he doesn’t want to be apart of! He just wanted it to end, he just wants to be at peace!” Alex yelled, tears coming without much of a warning, “Why can’t you let him be at peace?”

“You’re being selfish, Alex!” Liz said strongly and Alex could feel his body shaking with anger, “You can’t keep him dead just because you think you know what he wants!”

“Oh my god, you are all so fucking entitled,” Alex groaned, turning his attention back to Michael. He grabbed his hand, holding it tightly and tried not to let it hurt so much that he didn’t hold back. “None of you even bothered to notice him. He knew he was going to die. He made sure everything was going to be okay when he did because he wanted it to be the end. He-he came to me and asked me to promise. And I promised.”

“What, Alex?” Maria asked, “What did you promise?”

“That it’d be over.”

Alex brought his hand to his lips, kissing his fingers and his palm and was pleased to feel it heat up a little bit due to his breath. It helped him relax.

“Alex, please,” Isobel said, softer now. Less angry. More desperate. “He’s my brother. Please don’t force this to be it.”

“Why do you care?” Alex asked, laughing dryly as he pressed Michael’s hand into his cheek. “Why do any of you care? He’s been dead for weeks and none of you gave a shit. You all went on like it was fine, like… like he didn’t matter. He matters. He fucking matters.”

“We did care, Alex!” Isobel said, her voice thick with tears, “We just were going to bring him back! Why won’t you let us bring him back?!”

“I just don’t understand,” Alex whispered, tucking the blanket around Michael a little tighter, “When Isobel was sick and in the pod, you were all frantic. When Max was dead and in the pod, you were all so desperate to figure it out. I don’t understand why he didn’t get that. He spent so much of his life feeling like he wasn’t as important and all you did was prove him right. He sacrificed himself so you could all have Max and you can’t even respect that. You can’t even respect him.”

“Oh my god, we only didn’t stress as much because we knew Max could bring him back! What don’t you get about that?!” Isobel screamed. Alex shook his head, taking a deep breath. He felt guilty when he did that. He wondered if Michael missed the sensation, wherever he was now.

“He just wanted you to have Max back,” Alex said, shaking his head, “He just wanted it to be over.”

“Alex,” Max pleaded, “Just let us bring him back.”

“What the fuck aren’t you understanding? He doesn't want that! He didn’t want to be in that damn pod! You’re so fucking hell-bent on dying like a martyr that you can’t comprehend the idea that someone else might be okay giving his life.” Alex shook his head, taking a deep breath as he touched Michael’s cheek again. “He felt like he was so much less important than you guys. He really did.” Alex closed his eyes. “God, I love him so much. He didn’t even know.”

“I don’t believe you,” Maria said strongly, “I don’t believe he told you that. He-he was happy. We were happy.”

“Happiness has nothing to do with it,” Alex whispered, “He just wanted it to be over. He thought it’d be easier to just let himself leave so you guys could be okay. He wanted everyone to be okay.”

Michael had just seemed to miss the part where Alex still needed him.

“He’s my boyfriend, Alex! I know him!”

Alex cracked a smile and let out a soft laugh. That sounds about right. He didn’t fault Michael for lying to him. He figured he would lie too if he knew he was going to die and didn’t want to leave people being angry at him. He just wanted a few hours with the person he loved most without all the bullshit. Alex understood that so well.

“Maybe,” Alex said, “But he’s mine.”

No one said anything for a minute and Alex wished they would leave him alone. He wanted to lay beside him for a moment before he put him in the backseat of the truck and buried him outside the cabin. That felt like a good place for him. Then they could visit him and he could make sure no one dug him up.

“So, what, we’re just going to let Alex take him away?” Isobel asked, crying and stumbling over her breaths, “We’re just going to believe him?”

“I… I think he’s right, Iz,” Kyle said softly and she scoffed, “Look, Michael made sure everything was in order before he did this and he made it clear that he had to be the one to bring Max back, not you. I think that was the plan from the beginning.”

“So, what? He just didn’t want to say goodbye?” Liz asked. There was silence and Alex decided he didn’t care what they thought about him cuddling up to Michael anymore. He had the opportunity to say goodbye to everyone and the only person he reached out to was Alex. He wanted Alex.

“Fuck, Alex, stop,” Maria nearly whined, but he ignored her as he cuddled up to the lifeless love of his life.

He breathed slowly and closed his eyes, blocking out the idea that anyone might be there. It was just him and Michael. No one else mattered.

After a moment of just lying there, Alex seemed to remember the rings around his neck. It seemed right for Michael to be buried with his. He managed to get the ring off the chain without moving far from Michael’s body. He slipped the ring onto his left ring finger, watching it fit like a glove on the finger it had never been able to fit on before. It made Alex smile. Maybe something had come out of Max’s thoughtless healing. He could finally wear his ring where it was meant to be worn.

“I am yours and you are mine,” he whispered softly, kissing the ring on his finger before looking at his face. Even dead, Michael was beautiful. He was thoughtless, effortlessly, horrifically beautiful. Alex touched his head again, bringing him closer. Their foreheads pressed together, their noses too, and Alex wondered how he managed to even smell like himself still. It was a gift.

Slowly, Alex put his lips on Michael’s. It was stupid and it was reckless, but he needed it. He needed that one last kiss. Every single goddamn time he kissed Michael Guerin, he was never allowed to know when it would be the last one for awhile.

This time he could be sure.

He could hear Maria crying when he did it, he could hear Kyle telling him to stop, he could hear everything, but he chose not to. He chose not to focus on anything that wasn’t Michael. Michael’s cold lips that got warmer the longer he held the kiss, Michael’s soft hair that curled around his fingers so that he wouldn’t let go, Michael’s everything.

Because this was it.

Because he would be in the ground.

Because this was their last goodbye.

“Goodnight, Michael,” Alex whispered into his mouth, “I love you.”

And that was it.

And that was it.

And that was it.

And that was‒

“Alex?”

[sugar-petals]

Potions and Reverie (m)

↳ In which you receive a fortunate letter that leads to sex with your submissive husband Jimin.

Word Count: 2.3k

Genre: hurt & comfort, angst, smut | domestic au | one shot

Warnings: spanking, mommy kink, thigh riding, impregnation kink, slapping, choking, neglect, sexual healing, avoidance, depression, infertility issues

A/N: Requested by anon. Reupload!

Red pines creak and bend outside. Last time you checked, the alley had been deserted with no car or person in sight. Jimin’s not home yet, you’re waiting. 

He promised to be back around eight or so, now it’s nine with little sunlight left. Just heavy, mourning clouds. Endless rain comes gushing down with thunder’s angry boom from the distance. It must be hell in the mountains. Seoul is so unkind these days. 

Unkind, and too humid. The current festival in Itaewon is as good as spoiled, the poor people. No text message gets a fast reply like it normally would, your phone just falls abnormally silent. There’s no point in trying again and again.

The storm keeps raging and whirring between the pines, leaving much debris and puddles on the street. You’re giving up on ordering pizza for tonight, the microwave will do. The fridge is entirely raided, so you take the small wooden steps down to the icy-cold cellar. A few convenience foods are still left in the freezer, but your tormented stomach feels like ramen is the better alternative. There are two packages left, you pick the spicier, stronger one. 

You’re glad to be fast with warming it up because electricity shuts down at roughly half past, leaving you with candles and “goodbye TV” on the couch. You’d be outside if you’d know where he actually is, even in that weather. The impatience is like venom, you wish you wouldn’t have it.

It’s quarter to ten when the key turns. You rush to the front porch to haul in Jimin as he opens, soaking wet and gloomier than ever. He apologizes in a grumpy tone, no eye contact. The heavily kinked umbrella just gets cast in a corner. Jimin later slouches down next to you on the couch with your oversized bathrobe on. 

Downtown he had gotten himself at least some fries and visited the drug store to fill up the fridge in a last effort. Most of the paperboard packages and vegetables got horribly wet and squashed in his backpack because the rain just didn’t want to come down vertically, and Jimin just stuffed them in without care. At least one time you see the value in thick plastic wrappings. You don’t even know if that crumbled mess is still useful in any way, but he thought about everything you’ve written on the grocery list in the kitchen.

Jimin hardly speaks while he’s trying to get his hair dry with a towel, rubbing and chafing it aggressively at the back of his neck. There’s no answer why he took so long and didn’t answer the phone, none. He’s been like that since the doctor proposed the diagnosis this summer. 

You have a hard time telling him that you received the important, long anticipated letter from the clinic today. But you didn’t open it yet. You told yourself that this was something you’d have to do together. It’s hard. His face turns more somber when you mention it but he won’t protest when you bring out the plain envelope. The dismal gleam of the candle barely suffices to read, it flickers too much. 

A darker wall of clouds outside has you pulling out your phone to shed at least a bit of light on the dreaded paper. It’s the result from October’s final check-up. All the numbers and paragraphs are just blurry. As you finished reading, passing over the letter you just say to read it twice. You didn’t get the majority of the words, or perhaps you’re too nervous. Maybe just in disbelief. The only thing you understood was that they charged a whooping lot. Jimin does have to read it twice. He puts it down, the first eye contact follows. 

“You’re okay?”

“I’m… okay?” You don’t know what he means. That you’re fine, or that the diagnosis states you’re fine. Jimin angles the letter to you and points at a bolded part. “It says the result turned out negative. They tested for “infertile, yes or no”, not for “fertile, yes or no”. Infertile — negative. And below,” he points toward the end, “it says we could try it.” You practically rip the letter from his hands. It makes sense now, it really does. There it is. 

We can encourage you to carefully commence again around designated week 2 and 3. The first investigations in August merely pointed towards a temporary and then more complicated medical terms follow, ending in an explanation how the error just didn’t hold true because of this and that, measures were just approximated, and so on. So it’s true. You are okay. You’d still punch each and every doctor with their fertility potions in the face for all of this. No cure was ever needed, neither was abstinence. Jimin looks hopeful and teary. 

He’s suffered the most the last months because you’ve really wanted to follow through. But he couldn’t help if his life depended on it. It left him immobile at the thought he couldn’t make you happy, and he really admitted to that in September when things got worse. 

Jimin isolated himself more, even if he did spend time with you. He tried to please you in bed in every way you could think of, he pursued all the duties he had around the house. The ideal husband. But at some point, you had just lost faith. Only the last bit of love held you together, a string that could rip any second. Like the pine branches bursting apart outside. 

Giving up was the only thing to do after the final blow despite you having feverishly tried it all. He still couldn’t get it up after everything they said at the screening, with the trauma of your reaction in mind. The way he’s facing you, it seems impossible to erase all denial again, and embrace what’s real. The hug is uneasy, the damned letter forgotten on the floor. “Is it week two” you ask, “it must be.” He sniffles. 

“Around start of three, I don’t know. Fuck it, honestly… They’ve been playing us with that since forever. It should work anytime mid-cycle. We’ll just try, I think it’s possible,” he clears his throat, leaning back from the hug. “It’s not meant to be otherwise. Whatever their instruments say.” You undo the belt of the robe. “So, now?” you test, making sure to sound pulled together even if the letter left you more aggravated than the turmoil in the streets. 

“If you still like me… I’m disappointing. I look weird now, too,” Jimin shifts in his seat, sort of spaced out again. The robe hardly closes at the front. “Fool, I want you,” you get on his lap, moving the towel from his hands to the table. 

“If a bit of water turns you ugly all of a sudden, my taste in men must be horrendous. I’m not blowing up your phone just because. I was worried! And I’m in love with you, that hasn’t changed.” The rain is unstoppable outside, drumming, threatening to hammer in your windows. “I love you, too,” he muses, though overshadowed by the roaring thunder somewhere above Incheon. Perfect day to make a baby. 

“They said we can do it, you should be confident,” you pinch at his tiny nose. He turns as red as the slushy tomatoes from his bag. Clumsy sweetheart, so cute. It makes you horny. “You too,” Jimin cocks up his head, provocative. “Hey, I’ll show you.” The doc can suck your ass, you’ll make this count. 

Jimin’s robe comes off completely. It’s difficult to be gentle even if you know that Jimin longs for a tough grip. There’s something about so many dull weeks that makes you ravage him. Maybe it’s not right to overwhelm him and yourself just now. But the yearning is too strong. He’s so hot with the damp hair. Yes, you want him bad. 

His dick grows sturdier under the fleeting rub of your hand, and wet with warm spit added. Very wet. As does your underwear turning slick with his fuck-me thigh between your legs. It’s. So. Damn. Big. 

You nibble at his chest and shoulders with the prospect of leaving faint marks and gyrate against his leg on repeat like a bolting mustang going berserk. Jimin abides the shake until all friction has spurred and lubricated you enough. It’s not taking long until your panties are gone, and Jimin’s hand slips right in their former place to get you off. 

While he keeps jerking his fingers, you sink down on his shaft and brutalize him with more bites at the neck, not thinking about tomorrow. He’ll have to deal with it. You’re not meek with the thrusts today, either. Soon he jitters at your hips with his hands, trying to mimic the movement. You’re ecstatic. It riles him up. The eternal rain pounds against the window glass like you do against his lap. It’s pitch black outside. “Slap me!” he cries the more you cram him in, “I deserve it. Please!”

Your hand comes down ringing, the echo numbed by the rain. Jimin is left wincing. He begs you drooling to beat him more, harder, the other cheek. Your left is not as strong, so the slap is messy and unpredictable in its impact. But you don’t miss the spot. He’s getting stiffer inside you making the plunge times easier. A third strike and his hips buck up from underneath. Mustang number two has entered to mate, it seems. 

He keeps pleading for more, but after a fourth time, you refuse. Jimin doesn’t need to get his jaw dislocated in a frenzy. Not in this position anyways. He’s digging him a bit too much, that’s when he gets carried away. Instead, both of your hands find a solid grip just below his larynx. His neck is already swollen and pulsating. “I’ll punish you my way,” you put a slight bit of strain on your thumbs, “ready for that?” The following nod is eager, eliciting a greedy look in his eyes. So this is what he likes about confidence. 

Jimin, forever obsessed with your hands. You make sure to press the right spot, loving how his cock throbs while he’s thrashing out with his feet. Oh, it’s been over half a year since Jimin had you choke him out. Missed it bad. He does remember to keep his palms flat against the sofa. No matter what. That’s the silent command that you challenge him to fulfill. His arms don’t move even one bit even if you give his throat a harder, but short squeeze before releasing. 

Jimin sucks his first breath in with his tongue out, veins popped minuscule in the eyes. His palms still stay in place. That’s a reflex control worthy of being a father. Your perfect man. 

There are not many more thrusts until he catches himself and starts squirming. “Won’t last longer,” he coughs, apologetic. For a first time after such a sexual drought, his stamina isn’t half bad though. Jimin’s actually amazing. You’ll let him know later. Urgent matters first. 

“Come on, roll over. It has to stay inside of me.” 

Jimin, out of breath, can hardly catch up so you have to position him yourself above you on your back. “I think I’m ready,” he quivers, thrusts abating between your legs spread apart. Indeed he is. You lower him balls deep with your hands on his supple ass, firmly in place. “It’s like my birthday. Lovin’ the gifts.” 

A brisk smack on the left cheek and he’s coming with a little whimper. Finally. It drops inside of you like a small stream of liquid silver, turning gold reaching the spot where you want it. “I’ll make you a baby daddy,” you lock his hips tight with your legs around him, “all mine, mine, mine.” 

There’s no mercy for him now, and no place to go. No hours outside to escape in the rain, sulking and lonely with his depressive thoughts. No friend’s home to spend the night avoidant instead of in the bedroom here, afraid to disappoint, or having to survive your wistful hours ad infinitum. That’s gone now. A bitter summer. There’s always hope for autumn. You’re stealing a kiss and every last thread of semen that he has for you. 

The pressure from your thighs hooks him in the spot with no inch of liberty. A bit more and he’d snap in half like a pair of chopsticks. The ceiling lamp flashes up, blinding and bright against the bedlam outline of his locks. Fucking electricity’s back. You can feel the last bits of sperm trickle down inside to breed you, but won’t let him go just yet. 

“I’m yours, mommy,” Jimin last exhales struggling. He falls down into your arms closing around him stalwart like a cage. It feels like the only pressure left on him. What you see on his face is no more heavy gloom and doom.  

The thunder continues haunting Seoul, but it doesn’t matter. This is your dream come true. You let him pull out when a tired strain replaces the strength in your legs, and he kneels. Everything that has spilled over he proceeds to sip and lap up obediently, it’s good for his skin. Unlike what’s pending flaccid between his thighs, Jimin’s tongue won’t get worn-out all too early, carrying you through a nascent high and bringing you down again. 

The curve of his lips swipes gently up and down your labia, picking up the chaos of his and your cum, dips it back in with his ruby tongue when you finished your orgasm. He’s lost the tension in his brow, his eyes are peaceful. A last charming nip at your clit and he retreats, replacing his mouth with the massage of two fingers. 

Before the overstimulation comes, you guide his wrists toward your breasts to go on there. You’ll drag him under the shower later, to draw out the relaxation deeply needed. Tomorrow you’ll try right again after going to the festival, to mingle with the dragon spectacle for good luck with your baby daddy. 

“That’s for sweet milk hm,” you fondle at his glowing cheeks, “we made it, Jiminie.” - “Sorry that it took so long since then. Are you happy?” - “I’m very happy. And our child will be so beautiful,” you brush a finger against his lashes. Albeit exhausted, he’s cheerful under the touch. “Then, I’m happy, too.” 

© 2017-2019 submissive-bangtan. all rights reserved. do not repost, translate, or modify. 

[suepixels]

28 | Tonight  [🔗]

RJ low: Tell, why are we here again? Nicky: It was supposed to be a fun night out, remember? RJ sarcastic: Right, fun...well I tried... RJ drifts away in his thoughts. All three look over the skyline of San My and after a while, he starts to talk. “I can do so many things alone and nobody knows me better than I do, besides her. I can laugh at myself, betray and lie. I can do this very well, every one of us is capable of doing this. But there is a point where we all fail. You can’t kiss yourself and I will tell you why - you do need another pair of lips on yours to have this feeling of peace inside, to feel complete. You know what I’m talking about. I’m broken, you guys. There is nothing and I feel this numb darkness.

I’m talking about the dark void she left. Diosa took the light of my life with her. I tried to fill up this emptiness and darkness inside with something. But I can only try to kill off that feeling temporary with sleep, hot shower, punching the bag, alcohol and now you can add even sex on that list... he continues sarcastically. In between, it keeps coming back to me. I try so hard to nip that pain in the bud. But what do I feel? My heart is shattered in countless pieces and it does feel unbearable. There is no escape, I’m trying! Trust me you don’t want to feel that way.

You have to live in this moment and don’t take anything for granted. It felt so natural that they have been a part of my life and now there is nothing. I mean I was grateful but I think I was expecting we would grow old together and I took that for granted. From the moment she entered my life she changed me, she gave me peace and tonight I just proved to myself that I lost myself and my self-control. It shows that I’m not worthy to be loved by her but there is one thing I’m relieved that she won’t find out... he sighs.

Manny: And what is that? RJ: She will never experience the pain I would have caused. She would have left me. I’m disgusted by myself. There is no future without them in it and my present time is not pleasant, either. Manny soothing: Aren’t you a bit too hard on yourself, brother? RJ stares straight ahead helplessly: What I’ve done tonight, right after the mother of my kids is six feet under together with them? No, I’m not hard enough. I deserve to be alone. Manny soft: Look, you wouldn’t have done this if she would be alive, RJ! You’re not like that, none of us is. There is no need to feel guilty and you don’t deserve this. RJ: Yeah, she’s my wife I do feel guilty. Nicky is also not like that..., right? Nicky hisses: Go to hell, RJ. I’m not married and who knows if I will get married, ever. Maybe I’m doomed, too. I thought Sophie would be my final destination. RJ daring: As if Sophie could heal your broken heart. Deep inside you know the truth, Nicky. Be happy that she left you, she set you actually free, you should thank her. She did you a favor. You prefer to suffer and you just don’t want to face it, it’s that simple. Admit to yourself that you’re wrong. You need to let it go. Whatever happened between you and Max you need to forgive yourself and start over as long as you can. You feel guilty and still, you take Max’s love for granted. No wonder why she hated you all those years, now it’s your chance to make it up to her. Take that chance, before you get really doomed. Nicky defending: You are wrong, I felt content with Sophia, safe. I don’t take Max for granted but she was so unpredictable until her accident! Everything between us is just a huge mess. I don’t know how to solve this. Seriously, don’t go there, cuz. RJ calm: Are you listening to yourself? Content? What does that mean? Fix it soon before it’s too late. If you don’t I’m telling you this right now you will never find peace in someone else. Keep running away but it will come back to you like a boomerang, Nicky. Whatever stops you to be with her get over it. Look at me Nicky, I’m broken and I cannot be fixed. I can’t get her back, it’s done it’s over. It's final, do you understand me? Manny thoughtful: Damm, I love Ava but she is giving me currently a hard time. I’m sure we will get over it but no one told us life would be easy. Life sucks at times and all that we can do is face it like a man and get over it but sometimes it’s not that easy. RJ you know it, everyone one of us knows. RJ soft: Whatever you’re facing Manny, I’m sure this is just a phase. Nicky: I understand, RJ what you are trying to say here. We all have our own demons to fight... but I guess this thing is called “Fucking Life”, guys. RJ pissed: Fuck life, I don’t give a damm right now there is nothing left for me. Nicky snickers: Who’s lying now? You do give a damm, RJ otherwise you wouldn’t jump on that guilt trip of yours. All three sink in their own world for a while, facing their fears of what the future holds for them. 

RJ whispers: Is this my life now? Only pain? After Diosa, Alex, and Christina? Nicky: At some point, you need to take that ring off - it gives a wrong impression. RJ sharp: Fuck you, Nicky! Nicky teases: I see, but didn’t you say you aren’t worth her love? Manny: Nicky you’re for real a dick, was that really necessary? RJ dark: You are right. Nicky serious: Man, I was joking. RJ wistful: That’s all that I have, and all she left. A piece of metal she used to wear. She promised to love me till death do us part. This is our symbol that she existed and used to be mine. Her ring is on my side table next to my bed. Nicky: I’m sorry I didn’t mean to... RJ sad: I know, Nicky... I know what you mean, it’s okay...

The dark-blue skyline over San My makes you feel calm and peaceful. Some of the stars shine brighter tonight. Still, their destiny lurks in the darkness behind a corner like a fucking wrecking ball, waiting to strike again and again. Amongst the unpredictable chaos right there within a construction called “Life” there was a soothing universal knowledge. Whatever happens, will happen and it will pass by for sure. Tomorrow will come, it will force you to continue. Once you have a deep scar visible on your skin, can you make it invisible again? No, you can’t but you can learn to live with it. When life gives you lemons it’s up to you what kind of juice you will create. At the end of the day, you have no other option but to deal with it and move on with your life.

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